爱上你 ( falling for you )

只要你一笑我就有都不介意

你对我任性我竟然还觉得荣幸

不在乎爱情会是自由的天敌

根本一起为你失去我平常的冷静

虽然我还不擅长幸福这种东西（幸福这种东西）

可是我真的很想把所有你要的都放在你的手心

爱上你黎佩贤无法抗拒

一寸一寸深深的被你吸引

流泪也没关系等待也都愿意

人群之中我只想看见你

爱上你黎佩贤没有空隙

一天一天不见你也在想你

我在你的眼里不用掩饰自己

在你面前原来微笑那么容易

我终于明白那些孤单的夜里

寂寞的表情是因为你还未靠近

原来我愿意为等一个人废餐

是你呼醒了我自己都不懂得深情

虽然我不能确保幸福这种东西（幸福这种东西）

可是我会努力的把所有你要的都放在你的手心

爱上你黎佩贤无需考虑

一寸一寸紧紧的把你抱紧

伤心也没关系为你做任何东西

人群之中我只想拥有你

爱上你黎佩贤不需恐惧

一天一天不见你会很想你

我在你的眼里可以做回自己

在你面前原来微笑不需压力

(爱上你黎佩贤并不容易) 我会努力

(一寸一寸深深的被你拉紧) 我会把你抱紧

(受伤也没关系努力让你开心)

(人群之中我只想看见你) 想看你微笑

(爱上你黎佩贤没有委屈) 全心全意

(每天每天都很想见的到你) 也想抱你 亲你

(你在我的心里就是我的唯一)

(在我面前你的微笑就是解药) 我的解药

6 months ^^

last nite was our official 6 months ^^ bt we gone tru it a little bit unhappy...some minor matter occur...aiiz...dowan to repeat it...was awaiting this day to come...bt as the day comes...my depression and worries increase...the day she will not be my side is geting near...she will be leaving for genting...duno hw many times i can meet her in a month...neither i noe will the departure affect our relationship...i realy wish it wont...bt sometimes there r things dat i cant control...sometimes i felt...as time goes by...our sweetness decreases...izzit dat once u get closer to each other...the honey in the jar goes off little by little?i realy duno...mebe i was juz being too sensitive...juz hope dat no matter wad happen...our relationship remain the same...geting emo easily lately...hope the dark cloud goes off fast and may my bright day come earlier

time to end dis chapter

aiiizzz...felt realy meaningless lately...i tot i could adopt into the enviroment...bt the enviroment juz aint meant to suit me...realise human character can be so pathetic...bt wad to do...dis is the make up of the world...n we r juz some characters to make it move and turn...mite juz get over it...aiiz...resign? of coz...i plan to...bt...could i get another job elsewhere? i duno...bt its better to resign rather than to work in depression everyday eh...haha...aiiz...the matter juz cant get out of my head...neither i wan to noe the reason...i admit i was wrong...bt i aint the 1st person doing so...bt y juz i get the blame? becoz he has prejudice on me? i duno...human character is so pathetic...puke...realy wish dat time could pass n im out of there...juz makes me get out of there fast...bt i have the responsiblity...my own responsibility...bt im grateful...for the ppl who once treat me good...n taught me stuff...bt its realy such a sucky place to be...aiizz...someone pull me out pls...

wad a nitemare...perhaps the worst i had so far

kinda tired lately...class n work...haha...bt i kinda enjoyed it...especialy wen i receive my 1st month salary =) ...been taking naps recently after class n before work...bt 2day i had a horible nightmare...totaly horible...it was like dis...i went on a vacation wif my sweetheart...speak on vacation were supose to be a sweet 1...we went to a place...duno where it is...then appear dat im calling the tmnet for her...as her line was cut recently...then we went on to have food somewhere...in the dream we don have any vehicle...so we get on a cab to get to places...then we reach a restaurant...somehow she went on search for something or someone...leaving me alone...then i was waiting...sudenly a bunch of my frens appear infront of me...saying gona offer me a ride...then i went searching for her...bt she was nowhere to be found...i was freak out...in the dream...i tried doing wadever i can bt stil i cant find her...i was blank...then i woke up frm the nightmare...lucky she was beside me...she saw my freak face...i hug her then...not wanting to let go...later on...i sense dat the dream may prove something...im too afraid to lose her...too afraid too lose my half soul...ever since the big quarel between us...my fear of losing her has gotten higher...without my senses...guess i juz cant bear to lose her in my life...

wish dat i can protect her even im nt by her side

recently her emotions had been unstable...perhaps is the pressure of studies n STPM is around the corner...i understand...im trying my very best to give her all my support and love...of coz...in pursue of sumthing...sacrifice need to be made...i sacrifice my frens for dat...though i have been receiving unhappy sayings towards my action...i DON CARE!! nothing more important than doing my best for my love one...her uncle's daughter juz came bk frm east coast...the 1st nite she is bk...she made my dear cry *grrrr* stupid cute face old bitch...got nothing else to do bt to make my dear cry...cunt...geting worried about my dear...she say her mum doesnt trust her...well i duno the case...bt stil it isnt right to rather trust some1 rather than trusting ur own daughter...the one who u born after 10months...aiiz...futhermore im working at nite...i hardly can have time to comfort her n reply her msgs T____T...she is gona have her exam 2mr...i cant do anything to help her...im juz so useless...every now and then im juz giving verbal support...juz saying gambateh n jia you...nothing else...i juz hope dat she wil be alrite in 2mr exam...good luck dear in ur exam...i love u forever <3

a sudden feeling of death

as much as i dowan to return to the blog...bt stil i have return...return with sadness...perhaps im juz nt caring enuf...or nt knowing hw to express it...either way...i duno...tot i was gona have dinner wif her...bt sumtg came up...she was despress of losing her PP notes n exercise despise dat she doesnt rmb where she placed them...i wanted to help...bt im juz helpless...she doesnt wana go for dinner...n i have to return the car to my family...i have no choice bt to leave...leaving her alone in the house...n myself nt going out for dinner...were messaging her...bt she seems very depressed n angry...she din replied my last message...so i tot of giving her sometime to calm down n meanwhile look for her stuff...i tot i was right...bt i wasnt...it made her felt i don care bout her...tried to explain...bt i guess i juz wasnt good enuf...found something related to her notes n exercise...though i duno whether is it the 1 she is looking for...then i head out to get some food for her...was outside her house...asked her to come out...then return her the papers...she turn around upon taking the papers...without me having a chance to say a word or hand her the food...were kinda sad dat time...chase out to hand her the food...bt she rejected...tot of puting the food at doorside...bt sked her mum mite return n asked...dowan create trouble for her...have no choice bt to leave wif the food...were driving home then...realy tot of speeding n crashing by the side...bt on 2nd tot...i sudnt give up...i vow dat i wont...n i WONT!!!!! NEVER !!!!

a 2nd chance

i realy tot i lost her...i juz view her blog...frm the start i have go the wrong way...i tot she hates me...bt she loves me more then i imagine...im so stupid...im silly til i go type stupid things at my blog...even tot of modifying a song for her...bt mercy is drop upon me...i have been forgiven and 2nd chance is given...i manage to save her frm leaving me...i realy duno wad to say or do...it was like an angel has drop blessing on our relationship...we r stil 2gt...no matter wad i wont let go anymore...even it takes my life everything away frm me...no more giving up...

useless tears droping

juz return her tiger n retrieve my jacket...i tot i could ask for forgiveness...bt i juz don have th courage to...im juz too weak...i cant protect her..making her cry is all i do best...i alwiz speak hard n rough...thinking im strong person...won cry...bt it was juz my own thinking...bt theres no use crying nw...i tot at least i stil can have her as a fren...bt the fact is no...y my tears juz cant stop droping...pls stop...she say she doesnt wan me to be her fren...i have totaly lost her...i realy duno wad to say or type...i realy love her...so do her...bt...guess there juz isnt the room for us to be 2gt anymore...there will be no more...dear i miss u...dear i love u...breakfast lunch dinner...no more...bt i guess its a good thing...she wudnt have to drop anymore tears...no more late sleeping...she can do anytg she wan...no more restricting frm me...hope she wil go on wif her own life...pray dat i stil can c her somewhere someday sometime...without letting her know dat im there...god...pls delete her memories of me..i realy dowan her to rmb the wound i once deliver to her...perhaps dis is the last time i will say...though i have repeat dis last time many times...laopo...i realy love u...though we may nt be 2gt...bt my heart alwiz love u...u will alwiz be in my heart...perhaps forever...ur position and cuteness cant be replace...dats my last promise to u...

im so scared

its around 2 hours more to the confrontation...every second dat passes by...my heartbeat get more nervous n harder...wad m i gona do later wen i c her? izzit realy the end of everything? no turning bk? is there any chance dat i can recover the situation? i realy duno...my heart hurts as it beat...im realy scared dat we...or i wun have the chance to talk to her anymore...have been thinking...if i apologize and beg for forgiveness...will it change the situation? i realy dowan to lose her...bt i cant be selfish to make her suffer juz to make me happy...if she is realy suffering wen she is wif me...then its better for me...or us to let go...at least she wud be happy...1 sad is much better than both sad...i wud rather dat i suffer all the sadness if she could be happy n free...as i type...the memories between us flash back through my mind...our happy and sad encounters...bt i guess it can juz be call memories...recently im being bothered by my family matters...nw im gona lose her...perhaps dis is all part in my life...inevitable whether i wan it o nt...i realy wish she wun leave me...or perhaps its me leaving her...perhaps i have brought her too much tears...for i have sin thus im being punished...if i cant recover the situation later...at least i hope we can stil be frens...even a fren by juz its name...i dowan to lose her totaly...for she has been a part of my soul...knowing dat losing part of one soul is a painful thing...

its all over

its all over...our relationship has come to an end...perhaps its all my fault...i wasnt good enough...there's ntg i can do to overcome the fact dat she hates me nw...her last msg realy hurts...stated last msg...y does dis have to go dis way...i realy duno...bt mebe dis is also a release for her...she doesnt have to suffer between the one she love n hates...though she mite nt be seeing dis...even if she does...i duno wad she mite think...mebe im juz typing to show her...wadever...the fact is dat my feelings towards her was real...im nt taking her as a replacement for my ex...i realy don...though she mite feel otherwise...bt its useless nw...everything is decided...there's ntg i could do to recover...i tot i could prevent my tears frm droping...bt i couldnt...i cried infront of my best fren...mebe im juz nt good enough for her...or could dis be the ever lasting curse of Anderson? so far all andersonian frm my year is yt to encounter a happy ending relationship...perhaps dis could make me feel better...i stil cant believe i lost her...bt everything has turn into fact nw...she hates me...bt mebe its a good thing...she doesnt have to rmb all the things dat i once did which may hurt her...i juz hope dat she could get on her life bk...although i noe i don have the right to say dis cuz i m the one dat makes her cry...she gota face her muet task 1 exam later in the morning at skul...surely she wont have enuf rest...hope she is asleep nw...allow me to call u for the last time...dear...im sorry...i couldnt deliver happiness into ur life...nite sweetheart...last kiss muackz <3...all the best...i love u...though we may never be 2gt again...

came bk after all

its been a long time...i tot i don have to come bk to post my feelings anymore...bt seems afterall im bk here...duno hw to start...its was a call frm her...a normal 1 where jokes n laughter exist...sudenly juz a joke of mine turn the situation 180* away...i juz duno wad i can do...dis time isnt the same like the previous time...perhaps the dmg delivered to both sides is juz too great to accept...the pain dis time is much more...i realy duno...my starting point was juz a joke...bt seems the joke isnt accepted as expected...guess the joke i was trying to deliver lead me...or us to wadever situation dat is nw...im totaly lost nw...i tot i could cheer up after a game of dota or two wif my frens...bt...seems it didnt help...her words realy meant a lot to me...i wish her words could act like wad my fren said...mebe its juz a joke...bt i juz cant accept it...though i duno wad she meant behind her words...and her decision...i knew dat i made her drop lots of tears 2nite...i cant beg for forgiveness...mebe perhaps i don deserve it...i juz wish she could do her exam well at skul...bt for everything i have said...im sorry...bt there is no deny to the fact dat i truely love her...i realy love u my sweetheart...

heart pain

its been awile...din blog so long liao...been very happy these days...din came to blog =P...bt last week n dis week aint so happy...my dear is facing her stpm trials...well its a normal thing...bt she is being too tension upon the trials...pushing herself realy hard for revisions...i don feel good...been looking at her geting nt enuf rest...her look gets unwell and tired day by day...it realy breaks my heart...she's been insomia lately...unable to sleep late at nite...im geting worry bout her...bt i cant force her to stop doing revision...been trying to cheer her up bt i aint doing much effort...she promise me she wud rest early n take good care of herself after the trials...so i guess i can bare to let her work hard now...despite the fact dat my heart stil hurts to c her so tired...she was a little demotivated last nite...so i head to 7-11 to get her a few bottles of milk n a packet of 薯片...seems dat cheers her up =)...im glad i finaly did something to help her release some pressure...stil can rmb her smile wen i told her i was outside her house sending her milk n snacks...dat smiles realy bring up the spirit in me...at least she smiles...although its juz a smile...bt dats enuf to make me worrying more...her trials juz left 2 more days...2 more papers to go...glad dat its ending...bt my worries stil haven end as i can imagine the pressure n tension she wil have wen the actual exam comes...she been geting thin during the trials period...she muz b pushing herself realy hard...hope dat she wil gain bk some meat after the trials...at least stop losing weight...dear...gambateh...i noe u can do it...MUACKZ jia you jia you <3

幸福的味道

slighty better frm my sickness...i tot i wud juz go tru my nite peacefully at home...was surfing facebook n watching movie at pps...pick "bolt" to watch =)...same time texting wif my dear...haha...was enjoying the movie...playing applications on facebook too...sudenly she text me saying im outside ur house...i was a bit stunned...i head out to c n she's realy there...of coz i would love to c her...bt wad i didnt expect was...she packed me food...n a packet of strepsils...i was like...m i dreaming? she rush home after sending me the package...coz she doesnt realy have the permission to go out...bt she lie to her mum juz to go out pack food for me...dat moment...i realy duno wad to say...neither i know hw to describe my feelings...it was like...幸福 is engulfing me...the 1st time i ever felt so...finaly i truly understands wad it meant by 幸福...i aint gona let it go...neither im gona let my sweetheart go...i love u forever sweetheart <3 don leave my side...coz u r my everything...

sick jor T_T

been quite awile since my last blog...ntg much to write lately...haha...coz everyday is a happy day...get to c my dear...bt i fall sick last nite...OMG H1N1...haha no la...so easy kena meh...go jusco watch 1 movie then kena swt =.=...aiya...juz normal fever flu n cough...the flu aint serious bt the fever n cough is geting the pieces out of me...she was wif me ytd...bt i aint realy gt the energy to pay attention on her...my head was a bit dizzy so i took a nap meanwhile she was sitting infront of the pc...bt i can c the worry face of hers...she is realy worried bout me...sry dear...made u worry =(...went n c her last nite...i felt better at nite after taking some medicine =)...she was eager to c me as she was missing n worried bout me...send her home around 11.30pm as she will be having tt the next day...woke up early dis morning...my illness din get better...my fever got worse as it reaches the temperature of 38.7 =x...took rest in the noon...my condition is like a mountain...went good then gone bad again...took dinner early juz now then had some medicine...then she came over to c me...she was very worried =(...i tried to cheer her up bt i guess it din work much...she was forcing me to put on a cold wet handkerchief to cooldown my fever temperature...felt so sweet wen she put it in for me n exchange the cold handkerchief...haha after sick oso gt good thing xD...2mr is her fren bday party...i promise her to go...gota get myself recovered by 2day n make sure the sickness din come bk 2mr...else i realy cant go to the celebration...i muz recover...gambateh chris !!!

abnormal feelings

hmm...woke up at 10.40am 2day...tot dat its juz another saturday dat i would go tru normally...bt the fact is it isnt...had strange feelings...as usual i text my sweetheart morning msg as i woke up...kinda annoyed her last nite...well text her as normal i would do...bt her replies seems odd...kinda reluctant to reply it seems...i duno the fact...dats juz wad i felt...she gt tt 2day...of coz during tt she cant text me...bt 2day i felt strange wen she doesnt text me...even if for normal days she wud have even wen she is driving...bt 2day it doesnt happen...perhaps she is angry wif me...i realy duno...my mind is blank...ntg bt the matter keep appears in my mind...sudenly i felt like lack of something...its been some time since i felt like dis...will dis resemble something? i wish it doesnt...coz if dis does...i know it wun be something dat favors me...my eyes felt different...its kinda liquid...if i din recall wrongly...the last time dis happens was 2 years pass...wudnt like to mention it...juz wish the incident don repeat itself...bt sometimes things r nt fully control by ppl themselves...realy duno wad im typing or doing...perhaps someone could cure me...

heart speaks

its been a week since a last blog...well...the week pass quite fast enough...well as life says...there r sweet and bitter in life...so does mine...bt the lvl of sweetness is more than bitter =P...as i got her...my sweetheart wif me...she is like a trigger button...a happy trigger button to me...whenever i c her...happiness is wif me...its almoz 2 months since im wif her...exact to say is 2 more days to 2 months...hahaha...its a happy 2 months...bt sometimes...i felt lonely wen she is nt around me...juz like the laughter disappeared...stil rmb few days ago...she sudenly told me dat someone is trying to "chase" her...my reaction was like...wtf wth omfg smlj...i couldnt hide my reaction wen she told me dis...bt the actualy fact is...she was juz asking...the incident is nt happening to her bt her fren...i admit i was a little annoyed then...bt my heartbeat couldnt lie myself...i am so concern til my heart feels like tearing apart the 3rd party...bt was a little relieve wen i heard she was juz asking my opinion...bt there r also something tearing my heart besides that...which is to c her tired look after skul...n yet she wans to accompany me...i felt bad...she rather sleeps late to accompany me...of coz i m happy bt same time oso heart pain wen i noe dat she is tired bt yet refuse to sleep...juz like ytd...she was tired after skul...accompany her for lunch then went window malling around malls in bercham...hahahah...head back to my house later on...she was checking her facebook then...went on bed after she was done...bt i din accompany her...i dowan to disturb her nap as i can c tru her face...her lvl of fatigueness is increasing day by day...i was sitting at infront my pc as i watch her sleeps...i know...if i were to hug her then...her rest wouldnt be enuf...thus i decide to let her take her peaceful nap...came across an agreement towards the phrase...happy moments pass juz too fast...everytime im wif her...the time juz pass too fast...i wish i had the ability to control time...then i can be wif her for all the time in my life...bt there juz isnt the ability to do so...bt at least i can appreciate all the time i can have wif my sweetheart...watching her hugging her kissing her...sometimes i think...hw would my life be wen she is working at genting at the end of the year...bt the question juz doesnt have an answer...guess i might juz stop thinking about it...all does matter is that she is wif me...by my side...laopo i love u <3

strange heartbeat

im back here again...realy duno wad i can do...neither duno who i can speak wif...as i was typing...my heartbeat strangely...its nt the normal usual rhythm as it is...as it beats...i felt the flesh of my heart pulls n drags my muscles...i realy duno wad is happening...i tot...could dis means dat im sad and depressed? i realy duno...the feeling is too strange...as i type...flashbacks of my memories keep appearing in my head...i realy wish i had the ability to turn time over...bt fact is dat wad has happened had happened...although i duno wad im thinking is true o nt...bt all i ever wanted was for my sweetheart to be happy...perhaps i had bring her happiness b4...bt a sadness is enough to draw back all the happiness deliver...futhermore...dis time she drop tears...mebe she doesnt think dis way...bt for me...a guy for makes their love one is a bad guy...which dat i appears to be...my head is turning up n down...how i wish she is by my side nw...bt im afraid dat i will nt have the courage to tell her wad im gona write...coz i noe dis may hurt her...dear...all i ever wanted was for u to be happy...although i may nt noe wad u r thinking...bt frm the very deep of my heart...i never wan u to gain sadness...bt seems i have deliver the sadness to u...sorry is the oni word i can say...i cant make u any promises...perhaps dis is the road of our relationship...the path dat we should walk...i will do anytg dat it takes for me to finish the path wif u...as i realy wan u to be the one dat finish the path of my life wif me...i love u...every inch of my heart and soul belongs to u...i realy love u...

its deep

woke up early 2day...had a nightmare in the morning around 7am...geez disturb my sleep...went breakfast wif my fren...then head to college to fetch our new sem timetable...omg PMY is there...pengajian malaysia...such a boring subject T_T...well 2day is kinda peace...juz stay at home n enjoyed DOTA...then found out it was my cousin bday 2day...my uncle was treating my family for dinner...bt i din follow as im nt so use to going out wif them hahaha...ask my sis to dapau for me...then my sweetheart came over around 8pm...brought herself a few comic books...started reading wen she enter my room...lol wad so nice about these comics? =x...chat on the things dat she been tru 2day at skul...then we came to the wad i been tru 2day haha...then i spoke something wrong =x...then she was like lying down on my bed wif her face touching the bed...i tot she was crying...i was like omg...im so dead...bt end up she was juz acting...was realy a little ignore there...well i couldnt be angry of such matter...she was my sweetheart after all =P...then in return i tease her of something...bt the tease was a bit serious it seems...she lie down on the bed again...i tot she was gona act again...bt dis time it seems real...tried to get her up bt i couldnt...she is realy crying...shit...wad have i done...she was hiding her face frm me...bt i knew she is crying...bt i juz couldnt do anytg...i juz hug her in my arms...juz sudenly at dat moment...a feeling dat i have never been tru came by...my heart was like...torn? stab? slash? i duno...juz dat i felt my heart hurts...n it hurts deeply...then my tears was like about to pop out...juz at dat time she was about to get up...i turn my face over...trying to hide my tears frm her...then i asked her wad happen...after some pursue she finaly said...im afraid of losing u...my heart hurts even more...i noe i have realy hurt her wen i tease her juz nw...i told her about my nightmare...bt nt all of it...there was a part i din tell her...b4 the ocean part...in the dream i was wif her wen sudenly i was like being transfered to some place in the ocean...awhile later i jump out of the dream n woke up...in a trauma condition...although i duno wad the dreams wana say...bt all i noe is...her tears r the blood of my heart and soul...the moment she drop tears...my heart n soul bleeds...sweetheart im realy sorry...i din mean to hurt u...im realy sorry...

great time

sudenly felt like blogging...although i was a bit tired...been tru a packed day...slept 2am++ last nite...woke up 9am dis morning...went out breakfast wif my frens n her...then head down to kbox for the main event...1st time use the big room...cost rm 550+ =.=...jayson gf's fren join us as well...sang a few songs at start...geting warm up =P...shouted many later on =/...had a few duet wif my sweetheart...1st time sing wif her...haha so happy...bt was a little annoyed wen the bill came as the divident of payment went a little out of thought...bt manage to settle it in the end...sang for 5 hours...walao so tiring...then head on to infi for some relaxation...3 frens of mine went for snooker while me n jayson 2 couples went for pc...played dota while she was beside me...super motivation hahaha...then took dinner at fok sing area around 8pm...had chicken chop rice...my sweetheart ordered "man dai lok min" bt the aunty seems to have forgoten...make my dear no dinner =.=...she had to go home n make maggi mee...cant accompany her coz had nite plans wif my frens...red wine party at kenny house lol...cant reject haha...bt if were to ask me frm the heart...sry frens...i wud rather choose to accompany my sweetheart =x...don kill me if u guys ever have a chance to c dis post lol...bt i guess i cant help it...i realy enjoyed being 2gt wif her...past days she told me she had a dream...in the dream i propose break up wif her...and dat realy makes her unhappy...bt i guess i wun do dat...although im nt 100% sure of wad will happen in the future...bt i can assure dat i aint gona do anytg dat is gona hurt her...was so touch wen she send a voice recording msg...my heart was realy melted =x...juz felt like i cant lose her in my life now...she has been a part of my soul...sweetheart i love u forever muackzzz <3

tension day haha

its tuesday...exam T_T...din prepare much though...overslept in the morning =/...bt stil did ok in the exam...dats wad i think lol...mind it...wads done is done...wen to kenny house to grab his own-made so call muffin...bt i oso duno wad it is =x...stay n spend some time...then went over to jusco to do something...head towards infi next...were playing quite good at the 1st n 2nd game...bt during the start of the 3rd game...my dear text me n told me...asking me to take her n her family for dinner...were a bit stunned at 1st...anyway its the 1st time taking dinner wif her family...have to go over chemor to fetch her mom 1st...n the worst case...i duno the road LOL...cant blame a road blind like me =X...bt she were beside me to guide me =)...went sg.siput to have dinner...hand made pan mee lol...so full =x...then went over to her 4th uncle house...her mom wana make a visit...were kinda akward 1st =/...bt ok la manage to live tru it =)...fetch them home around 11pm...were gona have plans wif my frens bt the unpredictable happens...earlier execution of plan lol...my fren finish his work at 11pm rather then 1am =/...were having some time wif my sweetheart dat time...of coz wudnt wan her to leave so i have to turn down my fren n delayed the plan XD...supose to go over 11.30pm...instead i reached 1am XD...haha...were geting shot by them upon my arrival...groundnuts at bullets hahaha...were like small kids...playin throw groundnuts...so fun LOL...had some red wine then while playing poker...kenny vomit after awhile =.=...i was juz having mere headache...then head home after finishing the last gulp of red wine...the headache get worst wen i reached home @.@...drop down to bed then...slepz =P

wish i could be perfect

juz return home after hanging out wif my frens...usualy spot infi...snoker n pc...ntg new haha...injured my hand wen i was playing snoker...accidentaly bang my hand to the table...geez it hurts...bruise...juz played a game in snoker n i let my fren took my spot...wana sms wif my sweetheart xD...kinda feel bad 2day...cant accompany her...although she says go accompany ur frens...she is fine...were owning in the DOTA game...then she text me saying miss me...bt nt like the normal tune...is more in a depressed form...asked her y bt she was reluctant to tell...i din pursue as i dowan to force her...bt more less i felt the culprit is me...well no evidence bt juz instinct...my mood start to turn...were trying to rush my fren back home then i could go n c her...bt seems she doesnt wana c me...wish i could have time for her 2day bt could reject my fren frm going out...i tot i could do well in both situations bt seems i juz could be alwiz perfect...wish dat i could be...bt sometimes the circumstances doesnt let me frm doing so...guess im juz a plain normal human haha...well...guess i have to work harder...n i wish dat my sweetheart will get better soon...juz wan u to noe dat i have alwiz love u <3

im feeling forever =x

work up kinda early this morning...perhaps earlier then normal days...suddenly tot of my assignment...can i make it if i don start 2day? hmm...better start off 2day...so like usual turn on my pc then went n shower...return then surf the net for information n answers...found kinda lot bt felt like not useful...then my dear ask me to go to her house...accompany her take nap LOL...so i went...it was raining cats n dogs during dat time...realy a nice weather to sleep...at 1st i din felt like sleeping...hug her wen she was sleeping...a good feel though wen i hugged her n watched her sleep...kinda comfortable...perhaps too comfortable...fall asleep without notice...woke up around 5pm+...kinda suprise wen i found out dat i fall asleep...bt it doesnt matter...need to go out wif her later at nite anyway...accompany her to accompany her sis-in-law to buy lappy...supose to head out on 7.30pm...bt we arrived 8.00pm+...were kinda feeling bad bt guess wad...her sis-in-law din plan of buying...saying wanted to wait for pc fair...geez...we rush all the way to meet her for nothing...perhaps juz to pass her the lappy money...n her metal container ROFL...then she said wana go to jj...wana buy something bt she din tell me wad...so i pursue asking...she said i am gona laugh if she tells...n end up she told me she need to buy eng idioms revision book...working for her MUET...well its a good thing she is geting on it...juz dat i condemn the book was a bit off quality lol...then my fren text me asking me to yam cha...after some discussion we went on wif the plan...forget to mention she wana show off she noes the road to my fren house...n end up she gone the wrong road LOL bt stil make it to the destination...cant stop laughing wen she marked the wrong house as my fren house ROFL =x...after the gathering...head towards my house...had a little talk in the car...end up i pass her my old time quality proven eng full course revision book LOL hahaha =P...bet she sure choke me wen she c dis =x...she told me she is very happy 2day...i asked y bt she said duno =/...well doesnt matter...all i wan was for her to be happy...im feeling it...i wanted it...i wish hope n pray for it...i wan to be forever wif her...i love u sweetheart muackz <3

a happy day

its tuesday...ntg special actually...she was gona spend her noon at my house...haha...she took a nap in my room...i was supose to sleep as well bt i juz cant...so i watched her wen she sleep...bt she oni slept 30 mins+...then she sat infront my pc...surfing her favourite facebook n play applications...infact kinda happy watch her sleep...the feeling is kinda like undescribable =X...skip dat hahaha...send her home around 8pm...then we went out for night market at 8.30pm+...wasnt expecting to go bt she asked...then i guess y nt...bt dis time her sister came along...well...at 1st i was kinda akward...bt her sister acts frenly =)...basically i am juz accompanying her to accompany her sister walk...her sister bought a pair of sport shoes...deciding to buy dat pair after roaming n bargaining around different stalls haha...well i wudnt mind...i have her beside me =)...after buying dat pair of shoes...my dear said wana drink bubble milk tea...so we head towards a bubble milk stall to get some...ordered 5 cups...2 more cups is for her mum n younger bro...i paid =)...then head bk to fetch his bro bk frm tt...we were a bit late haha =x...i aint the culprit coz i din drive...i was being fetched xD...reached home around 10.30pm...drank my bubble milk tea n enjoyed the piece of tira-cheese cake made by my fren...the taste is good bt the cheese makes me dam full...geez...brrrkkk =X...then she text me saying her mum scold her for the bubble milk teas dat i paid...LOL...i wudnt mind paying actualy =)...surfed facebook later on n saw her post...mood weather report...in love ( her family liked me n accepted me )...lol...realy duno hw to response dat time...was happy to hear dat...anyway she is all dat matter to me =)...dowan n cant imagine my life onwards without her...guess i wil do everything i can to prevent dat frm happening...guess its all for now...gota go sleep haha...

my silly gal ( part 2 ) =P

hmm...juz feel like writing blog...duno y...juz another normal thursday like i wud usualy been tru...morning class...lunch then stalk at home...bt she came over dis noon...saying wana take nap at my house lol haha...of coz i wana c her...who wouldnt wan to c the one they love everyday...of coz i nt realy feel like taking a noon nap...so i sat infront of the pc while she lie on the bed silently...i tot she feel asleep...bt guess wad...she din -.-...infact she throw me my pillow wen i was enjoying my little game of restaurant city LOL...of coz im nt angry...then i jump onto the bed...we gt cuddle on bed =x...infact she din take a nap at all...skip the details of the noon =x...i send her home at 8pm+...my mum was asking her to have dinner here bt her mum cooked in the house...she gota go home n eat =)...infact on the way back to her house she asked me a question...1 dat i don realy noe hw to answer...bt stil i answer it frm my heart...she asked "wad is ur reaction after u proposed to me dat day i din response to u"...i said "of coz i was disappointed n sad n oso worry...sad becoz i tot it din work as i expected n worry of losing a fren...many confessions were made during the question time...anyway forget it =)...doesnt matter anymore...so after i reached home after sending her home...wen to take shower bt the bathroom was occupied =/...so i head bk to my room n sit infront of my pc again...then my mum had a little talk wif me...asking me don do "nonsense"...of coz i aint happy wif dat...nt wif the saying she asked me don do nonsense bt is dat he view on me...i mean come on...im a adult...i noe wad im doing wad im supose to do n wad i sudnt...y does she gota c me in dis way...of coz no matter hw much i don like it i cant say a thing...she was my mum afterall...i might as well accept the lesson n act cool...i told her about dis...she was feeling bad...she says afterall she was the culprit for my mum saying...of coz not dear...my mum was mentioning to me nt u...cant blame her coz she doesnt noe our relationship...she juz found out recently...bt u were taking the responsibility upon urself...silly gal...bt i felt a little happy upon dis too...coz she realy do care for me...n it goes the same for me...felt so touched everytime wen she doesnt go to sleep juz coz she wana accompany me sms...aww dear...of coz im happy wen u wana accompany me...bt u gota rest oso ma...u gt class on the next day...of coz if u don have class the next day i wudnt mind =)...bt cant blame u oso...u were doing it becoz of me...bt juz promise me...take rest wen u felt u need to...there are many things dat u need to do...u need energy...im sad to c u r geting realy tired recently...although i duno wen u wil read dis post...bt i juz hope dat u had enuf rest everyday...i love u my laopo muackzzz <3

its 1 month =)

its 16th july...n guess wads so special about 16th...i couple wif her on the 16th of june...its offcially 1 month 2day...spend the last few hours towards the 12am of 16th hugging her...stil rmb the situation where i was wif her in the car when sudenly her mum came out of the house n saw us...then ask me to go into the house n sit...walao so tension dat time hahaha...juz sat down at her house sofa quietly watching tv...after some time then her mum wen to prepare dinner...she sat beside me n showing me her old results n certificate of studies...wasnt expecting anytg special bt wen i saw her standard 6 leaving certificate wif her photo there...i cant prevent frm laughing =P ( sorry dear )...alrite cant go further on the topic...its her privacy x)...then later at dat day went night market wif her...n guess wad...my family oso went to the same night market...wen she found out she was like OMG...bt nvm she say mebe wun get to meet oso...n guess wad...don speak of the imposible...the next corner we say my aunts...juz like waiting at dat spot to meet me...hw hilarious swt =.="...then my aunts told my mum...n my mum came searching for me LOL...she was tension...so is me @@...then after night market...brought her back to my house...stil rmb her face...shy n tension xP...haha =P...of coz she din stay overnite...after sending her home dat nite...gt attacked by my mum n aunts...saying "wah keep so secret" @@...n gt few shots frm them...receive a few shots frm them then went hiding inside the room xD...avoid them lol...hw evil im =X...haha time pass so fast...its been 1 month since i am 2gt wif her...if some1 were to ask me hw long i wanted it to last...i wud be greedy to say i wanted it til the day i officialy leave this world...guess the rest of my wishes wud b "wish i can be wif her til the day i die...if can forever"...forgive me for being greedy...bt being greedy is the born nature of human...

emotional mess

im back to blogging haha...bt my mood 2day hasnt been stable...it went up n down...at start was tension as i haven prepare anytg for the debate dat is going on...perhaps juz mere preparation...cant help it...guess i wil juz go tru it naturally...n seems i did nt bad for it haha...gt relax a bit...of coz my dear calm me as her support came to me b4 i was debating...during the break...my fren asked for a badminton game 2day...well i tot i din played quite some time...was feeling a bit hand itchy...plus his arrogance made me wana trash him...bt later on...i found out dat my dear was alone in the house...a little worried...bt i dowan to ffk my fren...same time i wish i could accompany her...wad a dilemma...i tink i made my dear sad n moody wen i told her i wanted to go n play...bt my fren aint being a good host...told me he wanted to delay the playing time...my mood turns...if he cudnt make it then at least could tell me a little earlier...then i wud go n accomapny her...n my mood is ruin...decided to tell him i dowan to go...seems my dear is realy tired n moody...or perhaps i think too much...i realy duno...suddenly tot of the quiz back at facebook where she scores excellent in the bf/gf quiz bt she thinks she aint dat good...i felt the same...guess i aint being such a good bf dat i thought i wud...im sorry dear...i said i wana be there wen u need me...bt i am nt...wad a jerk i am...cant even do such simple thing...disappointed of myself...

a reply

dear...i juz read ur blog...u told me dat i wud get hurt after reading it...bt infact...im not =)...bt i duno hw to describe my feelings...a bit funny...a bit suprise...a bit happy...bt definitely nt sad...its like dis...at the early part...it was a bit funny wen u mention wad ur frens were saying...then a bit suprise wen u mention ur thoughts and the same problem dat i tot of b4...n happy wen i noe dat u care so much for me...a little touched nw...keep smiling as im typing...duno y lol...although i am oso afraid of the changes dat may take place...bt my worries decreased...u alwiz tell me u wana c the future...bt at my view...future is nt set...future can change...life is like a story in a book...bt dif is future aint written yet...its up to us on how to write it...its nt decided by others bt the ppl themselves...i stil rmb i told u...i dowan to c the future...i wana make future...coz i believe human sudnt live according to fate...we r able to make changes...it juz takes effort...n im puting lot of effort to make my wanted future...although i duno wad we wil face in the future...bt im sure we can overcome it if we both have the heart n effort...i admit...i realy love u n dowan to lose u...at 1st wen i heard u were going to genting...i was a bit sad n worried...bt after last nite...i know...if its good for u...i wil support ur decision...u said u werent selfish enuf...u duno hw to be selfish...well all i can say is...ppl behave in the way dat they have to due to dif situation n circumstances...i understand ur position..n i wil respect ur decision for everything...i juz wan u to noe...we r in dis 2gt...yes other ppl may have dif view on our relationship...bt we both noe wad we felt on each other...i noe my feelings...n so do u...to me...no matter wad others say n do...i wil stil believe my beliefs...i trust myself...no offence to other parties who is reading the blog...i juz wan u to noe...i realy love u...n there is no lies to dat...i cant force u to put ur trust on me...bt u have my trust on u...no matter wad u do...i wil b there to support u...i wil b the ears to listen wen u need...i wil b the wall for u to lean on wen u need 1...n i wil be whoever wadever wen u needed...as i alwiz say...juz be natural...hope u can get relief after reading dis...all i wanted is juz for u to be happy...i love u dear...i do...

cant tink of a title LOL

here im...back again haha...same thing...went out wif her...same spot again...grkp...then sudenly my fren sms me...asking me whether wana yam cha nt...i asked them to come meet me...bt they were saying so far...dowan lor...aiiz...then my dear propose...y nt we finish here n change spot =)...hw kind of her...then as proposed we changed spot to onestop...well her 1st time meeting my frens...seems there isnt much similar topic she can come into...hope she wasnt too boring wen she is there...sry dear...we din stay for too long as the shop is about to close...after dat we went roaming around places again...as she alwiz likes to...haha...of coz i wont mind...i gt no suggestion of places to go anyway...travel to near klebang area...searching for her fren's house...dat area is kinda creepy...dark surroundings wif trees n those trees look like dead ones...geez...nt to say horror bt doesnt gives a good feel...roamed for awhile n she started to feel a little unpleasant...so we decided to head bk...since nowhere to go...she parked outside my house...bt i din get down...instead had many conversation wif her...topics varies...chat for around 2 hours...get to noe many many things of her...of coz we tease each other like we alwiz like to...n she found out my dead point...tickle~! she loves to tickle me...of coz i hold her hand wen she does dat =P...bt dis time in the car lol...she hugged me n lie her forehead on my shoulder...of coz if feels warm n comfortable =X...then she kissed me on the chick...then i asked her nt kiss me on lips geh meh LOL...n she did then =P...hahaha...feel a bit evil dat time =X...we talk about many things...n now i found the reason dat eliminate my question...i understand she has been going on a hard life...no matter wad i wil suport her decisions...we even discuss many view on dif topics like anger,selfishness,freedom n many more...haha of coz we both express our opinions on dif topics...the understand between us is growing...seems her mum found out our relationship liao =/...i haven tell my family bout it yet bt i guess my mum is suspecting me on dis =x...bt i wil give the decision to reveal to her...afterall i respect her...we both have our own freedom on doing things...haha duno wad else to write...perhaps im too happy LOL...bt pity my dear...2mr gt tt sumore...sure tired for her...dear i support u...gambateh muacks muackx muackz i love u <3

am i stil conscious? haha

its late...n yet im stil blogging hahaha...well perhaps kinda used to write wen i feel a little emo...been going out recently wif her...of coz i am happy wenever iam wif her...cant explain the feeling...maybe becoz dis is all i have been looking for after all those days?i guess dat is the oni answer dat can solve the question...sometimes i do think back my past...bt as there is a saying...past is pass...future is wad u muz be looking at...bt hw many ppl actualy noes wad is happening at future...some ppl dream...some ppl pray...some ppl wish...bt juz hw many ppl can go according as they want their future to be...no specific answer to dat...of coz i had dream pray wish for my very own future...no ppl wan a bad future...neither ppl wan an incomplete future...juz wad is a complete future? a future where everything goes as wad u had plan n hope it is? or a future where u had wad u need n ur soul mate beside u? nobody noes...bt i hope...in my future i have her...well there r no guranty to dat...bt i wudnt wan her to leave my side...neither do i wana dump her away...ahh i duno wad im typing...my heart juz felt so mess up sudenly...recently my fren told me a sumtg about his relationship...he said he lost half of his frens becoz he wana b wif the 1 he love...at dat moment...i tot...dis wun happen to me...i can manage dis matter...time to b wif frens n time to be the 1 u love...yes i can do dis...im sure i can...i am wondering if im being too sensitive sometimes...something small...i can juz over think till something dat is imposible to be...aiiz i hate myself wen i do dat...juz hope dat my own stupid thoughts wont bring harm to any1

a different experience

its been raining almoz for the whole day...n it ruin my pasar malam again~!!!! grrr damn it =.=...3 weeks...n 3 weeks it kept ruin my tuesday...bt 2day...i stil get to go out wif my dear...n she's driving~!! haha...its a suprise she found my house so easily =/...she told me we r going to kopitiam...bt she din mention we r heading to grkp ( gunung rapat kopitiam )...well im kinda used to being the passenger...bt dis time it feels different...geting fetch by a gal n sumore she is my dear haha...bt ok la no comment on her driving x)...sat down at the shop n ordered drinks...of coz i ordered some snacks...had 2 drinks n she kept playing wif the sugar container...adding sugar to my food n drinks =.=...gota hide the sugar thingy frm her next time =P...sat there for like 3 hours...discuss n talk about many things...geting to noe her deeper =)...after enjoying our drinks n conversations...went for a ride...wasnt actualy a ride...more like roaming around without goal...haha...of coz i wana b wif her as long as posible...get to watch her more n felt her presence...roam around for almoz an hour...felt very relax wen im wif her...cant explain hw dat happen...bt nvm...as long as im wif her dats enuf...(づ￣ 3￣)づ a kiss n hug for u <3

i had my 1st crash experience LOL gg

well...i tot of staying home 2day...bt sudenly my dear ask me to accompany her to go jusco =)...well of coz i wudnt reject such a sweet offer =P...a little delay coz i was having problem cutting my fingernails =/...then gota go n pump petrol as the car was nearly emptied =/...so i delayed around 30 mins to get to my dear swt =.="..head to jusco...found a nt so skillful parking spot...well i manage to put the car on spot...bt wif a little error...i crashed the left sided of the car towards the pillar OMG...bang...at 1st i tot i hit the barrier of the car...bt as detail confirmation...i whack the car n scratch it =x...omg my mum sure wil kill me...bt nvm la wad to do...since i have ardy done it...mite as well reach home n get a hell of scolding...so i put the matter off my mind n accompany my dear on a 2 hour tour in jusco xD...almoz walk through everything in jusco...frm market to shops to lobby...finaly sat down on a bench infront the the world of cartoons shop...sat down n rest while chating...a comfortable situation =)...oh ya forget to mention...saw stanley family wen i was roaming...i din notice them til his bro had walk pass me n gave me a sign LOL...paiseh...was living in my little world =P...sure his sis gona brag on me if i ever c her lol...a playful yet naughty gal haha...as i was in my little world...time of the actual world passes fast...its almoz 5.30pm...time to say goodbye T.T....gota send her home n return the car to my mum...aiiz...hw good if i had my car hahaha...then freedom is totaly mine x)...gota brag my dad for it hahaha...bt chances seems low =X...well who cares...as long as i have her its enough for me...wen we r heading home...its raining...omg pasar malam a~!!! n oso she gota go through rain wen she enter house...hopefully she is fine...heard she has a little cough ><...wanted to ask for my 1st goodbye kiss actualy bt her neighbour is looking directly into my car big glass...jeez =.=...haha nvm lo will get it next time =P...reach home then...confess to my mum of wad happen to her unfortunate car ><...well she didnt scold me juz said "aiya sui zai"...then my sis back me up n said " bang bang then wun bang geh la...nvm la" =P...escaped hahaha...thx sis...love u...of coz i love my dear more =P <3...end of 2day post xD

a suprise

well...juz another normal monday for me...class at 11am n end 1pm...after dat head home n do ntg...stay infront pc n waste my time juz like i did hahaha...well as usual i wud b sms-ing wif my dear =P...where sudenly she said she wana c me n miss me so much...i said i come n c u lo...she was thinking i was plain joking n replied ok...n i arrived the next 5 mins infront of her n gave her a suprise...a realy out of the blues suprise...haha...we chat inside the car...many topics came across...she was hugging her baby pooh...a small n soft 1 haha...perhaps let her torture til dat shape LOL =P...if she c dis then i wil b the 1 to torture xD...no la my dear very good geh =P...don torture me a dear =P...

my silly gal

its friday...a different one...at least the morning is normal...went to college for a class dat i wasnt supose to b at...dam frustrated n paiseh...aiiz...was pissed off by the admin...by gt calm down by my dear hahaha...since i wasnt welcomed in the class...i head home...found out my results had reached home...wasnt expecting anytg good though...bt din though it was dis horrible lol...cgpa less than 2...omg...i was frigthen n dissappointed...yet was again cheered up by my dear =)...gave me motivation to continue on it...i will work harder dear =D...well as for my dear...a normal day which starts with school then tuition...bt 2nite she is having dinner in occasion to celebrate her sis bday =)...she bought her a crystal ball like present...seems she is geting tired recently...waking up early in the morning n driving all day...pity her =(...hw good if i could my energy to her...i don need dat much energy as i juz have to go college in the morning n ntg else...well 2nite is no difference...she is tired...bt stil...she wana accompany me sms...saying she miss me...well i miss her a lot too...i told her to go sleep early...she refuses...she is having exam for tuition 2mr...n she has yet to study for it...i ask her to study bt she says she is tired...so i asked her to go rest bt she says dowan...so i asked y nt...u r tired...n she replied"if sleep i cant sms wif u"...she rather sleep late to accompany me...aww silly gal...i duno whether im supose to b happy n sad...happy in sense she wana accompany me...sad in sense of she is tired...well there is dis question popping out my head...she is going to genting to work at the end of the year...wad will happen between us by then?...bt i tot over it 2nite...i cant be selfish...i realy love her...i gota tink for her future...seems she was a bit frustrated wen we talk bout a heart topic...i said i cant b selfish to own all of ur heart...u have heart for me...bt u gota have heart for studies too...seems she wasnt happy for this phrase...and i comfort her...sometimes the sms i send her was a bit 肉麻...haha...i said...i have own ur most precious thing...i cant b selfish to take ur heart as well...she ask wad u have?...dear...i ardy have ur soul n love with me...its more than i ever wished...n i oni wished for 2 things nw...ur happiness n ur future...no matter wad happens in the coming future...i will b by ur side...i wil b the ear wen u have sumtg to say...i wil b the eye dat watches u...n i wil b the 1 wen u need sum1 the most...dear i love u...i realy love u...

trust is very important...don make it too late to regret

writing dis to remind myself...or perhaps for who is ever reading dis...trust in a relationship is very important...lies sudnt exist between the 2...myself as an example...2nite i did sumtg which i tot could end my relationship...lucky forgiveness is given upon my doing...else i wud regret for my life...perhaps regreting is oso useless as it cud b seen as a serious matter...no matter wif intention or without...lies ought not to b made...im sure i wil rmb 2day...as it gives me a big experience on no matter wad u do...alwiz think deeply...u dowan to regret over stupid things u have done...i was relief wen my mistake was forgiven...promise i wun do it again...no matter wad circumstances...coz i noe if i do it again...chances wun come my way...to whoever reading dis...do bear in mind...u sud nvr make ur other half sad as they put their trust in u for who u r n u sud nvr break the bond..."dear allow to say for the last time...im sorry n i love u"

对不起

多久了没有你的消息 上一封简讯是星期几 又错过了与你的约定 对不起真的不是故意 有时候没办法陪著你 你总是对我说没关系 放不下我对你的任性 对不起不该让你伤心 有时候 你会让让我 儘管我大男人发作 有时候 你会装作不懂 默默地 留一些空间给我 这些事情 其实 我一直都藏在心裡 请你原谅我不懂逗你开心 请你原谅我不懂听你的心 回想这过去 我学著让你更安心 别赌气别任性别放弃 说声对不起 有时候 你会让让我 儘管我大男人发作 有时候 你会装作不懂 默默地 留一些空间给我 这些事情 其实 我一直都藏在心裡 请你原谅我不懂逗你开心 请你原谅我不懂听你的心 回想这过去 我学著让你更安心 别赌气别任性别放弃 请你相信我我会更加珍惜 请你相信我我会呵护著你 小小的爱情 却是我最大的幸运 疼爱的 想念的都是你 请你相信 一个这样的我 请原谅我 对不起 对不起

deep guilty

its juz another normal nite...except an incident make it totaly different for me...well as usual we both wil b sms-ing...she told me she is going to night market wif her sis in law...then i told her "i guess i wil b staying at home n come good boy hahaha"...i guess i din do dat...i was feeling bored at home...well sudenly around 10pm+ my fren ask me whether wana join them yam cha...i reply sure without hesitation...n i told her im going out...well at 1st i tot she wasnt annoyed...bt guess i was wrong...seems she realy care for wad i have said...n i din do wad i said...i think i lost my worthiness...i felt guilty...guess i realy hurt her...as i was feeling guilty...the tv screen of the spot i was at was showing "secret ( bu neng shuo de mi mi )...my emotions were dead...the show were at where jay chou was having piano competition wif yu hao for the lyrics of a piano play...my mind juz pop out a thought...although its juz a movie...jay chou did wad he could to get the lyrics for the 1 he loves...bt wad i did...nt even happiness i deliver i had hurt her...n i was trying to act funny wif my messages...grr wad a idiot...y m i having fear while im typing...perhaps im sumtimes too naive on my thoughts...dear...im realy sorry if i realy hurt u...perhaps sorry is the oni thing i can say nw...

typing pointlessly

well recently much discussion is being done on the topic "love"...questions like wad is love? hw to handle love? hw to maintain a relationship? y does a relationship ends?...these things been around my head...bt i manage to neglect these questions coz i dowan to think bout them...bt i guess i juz cudnt neglect them forever...i have been creating so called answers for these questions in my head...bt guess there arent juz the perfect answers for them...well nt to boast myself...bt i have gt some theorical knowledge on things...bt i guess sumtimes these things aint juz nt too good...the factor distance n understanding is quite the famous ones to occur wen a relationship gone off...bt i guess understanding aint gona b much of a big obstacle for my relationship...although we doesnt noe both very very well...bt the understanding lvl of our very own aint so bad...distance is wad im gona worry bout...although dat isnt taking part nw...bt i realy cant tell bout the future...though i found out the fact dat my dear isnt gona stay in ipoh after she done her stpm...at 1st i tot i can bear wif this so called "future may happen matter"...bt i realy cant get off the question n over thought of myself...i aint gona finish my studies early...stil gt 2 years to go...although time may pass without u even knowing...of coz i wish the best for her...bt i guess even hw good a person is...he/she stil cant overcome the so called "sins" of themselves...n the same goes for me...i guess i juz cant b selfish asking her to stay...bt i juz wish dat if the future matter realy do occur...i wish dat the worst situation doesnt occur...coz i realy do had pray dat myself n her could b forever...bt there are no guranty to dat...anytg may happen without notice...mayb i c her 2day...the next day i involve in an accident n juz poof...disappear frm dis life...i hope dat meantime...i can bring as much happiness to her...coz the indescrible feelings towards her is juz indescrible...i juz hope i aint gona b a part of her sad memories...and another thing...dear if u c dis...pls don get too much affect frm it...

duno hw to describe my feelings

well...2day is a tension day for me...im driving to parade~!!its my 1st time hahaha...i tension till i asked my fren to guide me the way there n back home...silly me...well cant help it...im a road blind T_T...perhaps dats my biggest weak point...bt i guess it will b no problem since my dear will b beside me all the time =)...accompany her for lunch at MCD b4 we head out...after a satisfying lunch...we head towards parade...well guess wad...i din go according to the route i planned...infact a more simpler road dat she guide me =)...although in my heart im feeling a little "face lost" bt its ok wif me since i noe my weakness...silly me hahaha...so love face...bt wad to do...boys nature x)...at MCD she sent me a msg...sumtg regarding the calculation of love using the "bi hua" of ur chinese name...well im totaly a nerd in dat...so i din do the calculation...upon reaching parade...i had my 1st experience of driving up the super tornado road upon the roof top xP...nt pretty hard though...then parked my car then we head down straight to sky max(mebe miss spell the shop name ) n search for presents...found ntg...so we head down to the spot where her sis is working...Gift Box...she bought a crystal ball statue thingy n packed it herself...she was complaining dat y she have to packed it herself n nt her sis do it...i said well doing it urself makes the meaning more deep =)...after done packing we left since she had to fetch her sis-in-law for medical check up...felt strange wen i reach home after i send her home...i felt i miss her more 2day...mebe its becoz of a topic we talk on the way home...she speak on her ex bf...well she said her ex bf mum treat her very good...i gt no comment on dat...she was wif the ex bf for like 1 1/2 years bt broke at last...i asked y...perhaps a stupid question...bt infact she answered...many factors...bt her main was understanding problem...well i gota agree dats a very important factor...i felt i miss her more then usualy wen i reached home...even i cant tell why...was sms-ing wif her as i was typing...she asked for my chinese name...i knew she wanted to calculate the "bi hua"...the answer dat came out wasnt so joyful as i was expecting...n she asked me to take the quiz on the wen wil u have ur date...hers came out as expected bt mine wasnt...nt to mention the results for both quizes...sudenly i felt emotional...i realy take dis relationship seriously...well although i understand those quizes aint true...juz felt dat blessings aint wif us...aiiz...y am i so emotional...another weakness of mine...too emotional...hopes dat my dear wun c dis too fast...else dis may hurt her as well =X...sry dear if dis post worries u...i felt better after writing dis...hahaha...guess dis is wad my god sis tells me...happy n sad at the same time...

sometimes i hate myself

its sunday...so fast =.=...came upon agreement to have steamboat at 2 in 1 infront of tesco extra...at 1st i tot it wil consist of juz me kenny n stanley...bt guess wad...jonathan came along wif us too...of coz i wudnt mind =)...plan to go there at 7pm...bt since kenny is complaining hungry...we set out 30mins earlier to get the participants ready =P...well as usual for steamboat u gota go n grab ur own food n stuff...n guess wad...we grab the beef xD...n we start to devour everything we had on the table...it was quite fun playing wif dat sizzling thingy...except wen the margerine started to attack our hand wen we fried LOL...it hurts T.T...bt we stil manage to get on wif the feast...had around 3 rounds of food...nt very satisfying =(...so we decided to get the ice cream...n guess wad...all of us gt screwed by it...the taste of the ice creams were strange especially the strawberry flavour ( lucky i din eat dat coz i knew it =P )...after settling the bill we head towards infi snooker as always...kenny proposed dat we play on 2 different tables...each 1v1...well dats no problem wif all of us...since kenny wanted to play wif jon...i played wif stan then =)...bt guess wad...i gt pissed off by the so called "table n balls"...oh man wenever i make a shot n watched...the ball was like being push out of the holes n reluctant to enter...nt 1 bt every shot...oh man wad on earth is happening...during half of the 1st game my mood was torn...n i started to act the old way...being emotional n banging the balls...being a totaly unethical player =.=...kinda out of my mind oso...din even noe wad i was texting my dear...kinda made her worried...n i spoiled the mood of every1...dam i hate wen i becomes like dis...so i decided to end the 2nd game n go down n get some fresh air...some personal silence...manage to calm myself in 5 mins...of coz wif the help my dear...she sure noes to cheer me =)...dats y i love her hahaha...she realy do understands me...stil rmb she told me...she may nt b the best gf bt she wana b the most understanding gf for me...bt for me...being understanding is ardy the best for me...boys alwiz said to their loved ones...do u noe u r the best?...n i felt like doing it too...there is something i wish to tell her tru dis post..."dear,there aint so many perfect ppl in dis world...even me u or every1 around us...bt i juz wana say...having u makes my life perfect....i realy dowan to lose u...i wudnt dare to imagine my life without u...i realy don...im sorry if i made u worry or unhappy 2day...im realy sorry...i promise u i wun do it again...i promise to calm myself n nt to make u worry bout me =)...coz im afraid if i cant calm myself...i might do sumtg horible dat hurts u n thus lose u...i realy dowan dat to happen...lastly...i wana tell u...i realy do love u frm my heart...我真的真的真心的爱你...虽然我不能给你最好的生活...但我想我可以给你没有烦恼的日子...我爱你

another wonderful nite

its saturday...well as usual we have nite gathering among us...bt dis time...i brought her along...well at 1st i din decide to do so till stanley ask me if i mind he brings another fren...i asked who...he reveal the person is tracy...at the moment i was a little shocked...bt wen come bk to my senses...i was thinking its nt a big deal...infact if he brings tracy...i can bring my dear...wao a good plan...so i told my dear bout it n guess wad...she was very happy n said im coming...well of coz im happy too...wad else can make me happier bt to meet her...so as the old procedure i went n fetch my dear n arrive at our appointed yam cha spot...medan ipoh kopitiam...right after i parked my car...i saw kenny wif his family juz a few yards frm me...it was shocking at the beginning...bt i act natural n greeted them...at 1st i was afraid my dear wil b bored...bt guess wad...the 1 bored is kenny hahaha...as i neglected him n accompany my dear...was a bit bad come to think of it...sry lo kenny =)...bt brothers don count too much la haha...my dear was complaining hot n started to wind herself using the menu...n i said wind me as well la...well she did...yet she catch my heart again...well after chit chat...my little bro kenny start to make noise...complaining its boring...of coz i wudnt wana leave so early considering who is beside me at dat time =P...lucky stanley was on my side dat time...hahaha we both told him to b patience...n so he did...well supose another group of our frens are going to meet us there if they didnt mess up the medan ipoh kopitiam wif medan gopeng kopitiam =/...we ended our gathering at around 11pm+...so i fetched my dearie home n guess wad...the sicko thing myself n kenny did to stanley happened to myself...kenny tracked me down =.=...was a bit annoyed by dis bt i guess dis is wad i get for wad i done T.T...after sending her home...the 3 of us wif another fren continue wif our nite activities...ntg special though juz playing pc at infinity LOL...bt recently i confirmed 1 thingy...my dear is my source of motivation on watever im doing XD...dear...i wudnt let u leave my side...i love u forever <3

a song to speak for my heart

为什么你 总是闷闷不乐 你知不知道 你是最好的 这首歌 我唱这首歌 就是要给你快乐 世界上只有你独一无二 我为你填上幸福的颜色 这首歌 我唱这首歌 你要专心的听着 说你也一样爱着我 有一个温暖角落 那是我心窝 把你的爱收起来 放进我的口袋 不让你轻易离开 我会永远爱着你 到老还是同一句 因为我珍惜 轻轻地摇着懒椅 戴着老花眼镜 还记得我们这首歌 世界上只有你独一无二 我为你填上幸福的颜色 这首歌 我唱这首歌 你要专心的听着 说你也一样爱着我 有一个温暖角落 那是我心窝 把你的爱收起来 放进我的口袋 不让你轻易离开 我会永远爱着你 到老还是同一句 因为我珍惜 轻轻地摇着懒椅 戴着老花眼镜 还记得我们这首歌 这首歌 说你一样爱着我 说你也一样爱着我 有一个温暖角落 那是我心窝 把你的爱收起来 放进我的口袋 不让你轻易离开 我会永远爱着你 到老还是同一句 因为我珍惜 轻轻地摇着懒椅 戴着老花眼镜 还记得 我们这首歌

perhaps the most happy day of my life? hahaha

juz reach home...duno use wad word to describe my mood nw...went for transformers movie earlier...the movie was awesome...nt to mention the story line bt the 3D grafics were enuf to amazed the fans...alrite skip aside the movies...well as usual i set out to get my dearie for the movie along wif 2 frens in separated cars...amazingly...my frens started off their journey 1st n appears i reached tgv n found myself parking...they were still blindly searching for a spot...me n my dearie have to wait for them as we were holding the tickets...well got in the cinema bit early as usual b4 the movie starts for some trailer...the ice age 3 trailer was nice...mebe will consider watching it =)...well b4 the movie starts...i took her hp n "legally" transfered her pics =P...well i oni transfered 3 pics n guess wad...she transfered more like my whole personal album...gee she is stealing behind me...ok perhaps beside me =P...enjoyed the movie at the begining...then she softly puts her palm on my arm...well of coz i wudnt mind it =D...then later on she puts her softly little head on my shoulder...lying down on me...i was like...awww...i felt it...i felt the 幸福in my grabs...touch her head wif mine =P....well i wanted to put my sweater on her...she is kinda nt cold durable...bt she said she isnt cold...well since then i might juz nt force to put it on her...we enjoyed the movie...there were stunts laughter amazed scenes...bt i felt my dearie is kinda tired during the movie...can c tru her cute face =P...mebe its bcoz of the minor alcohol effect...haha realy duno wad im typing liao...my mind cant tink =/...well her bro is geting married 2mr...gona b a busy day for her perhaps...well dearie...i oni wana say 1 thing...having u is like having happiness...i love u n wudnt wana lose u...although i cant make any promises to u...bt i can say i wud do my best to bring u happiness...I LOVE U DEAR MUACKZ...Chris <3 Joyce

duno wad to say

last nite my mum's fren came n pay us a visit...the 1st thing she says to me wen she saw me was..."wah ah boy u so fat liao"....=.=" i was stunt...speechless...i was going out my room to find supper =P...wad i get was poridge made by my mum earlier...since i was nt so hungry n mouth itchy so i took the poridge...my mum's fren keep mention..."ah boy u realy fat jor...n handsome liao after u growth some flesh =.="...the oni thing i can say is...my appetite good jor coz im happy =)...infact its true...im very happy lately...n the 2nd thing she asked me was..."ah boy gt gf liao ma?" i denied the fact dat i found my dearest....n replied "no la" with a smile...my mood has been good lately...well mebe its becoz i have found the 1 i have been finding so long...the 1 who realy care for...i was silly till ask her to consume more strawberries coz i heard my senior said "a strawberry a day takes ur sorrow away" silly me =X...2day she asked me on my habits such as wad i like...we exchange "info" on dat a little...im a simple person so there isnt much dat i likes n dislikes...bt i thing noe bout her...she loves cute puppets...a cute childlist gal =P...after my dinner i done some revision...of coz while sms-ing wif her =P...she told me she gota concentrate on her revisions for stpm n telling me dat she can barely go out...well i understand dat n i felt its right...studies r more important as her future depends on it...even so...she told me dat we sud go out once a week to meet out...well my respond was sure good la...hw eager i wana meet her bt considering my conditions...there r times dat these cudnt happen T.T...i told her my condition n she understands my difficultness n say...i oso can drive de ma...my heart melted at dat moment...i noe i found the right person...the 1 dat i will give all my love to in dis life...no doubt...the oni words dat pops out in my mind is the chorus of the lolipop song...好像对你说说爱你 好像对你说说想你 这些日子你知不知 我常想念着你 想念着你(change the 年 to 日子 =P)

sudden change of plan bt stil i enjoy it =)

its tuesday~!!!haha...supose to go pasar malam wif my dear 2nite...bt holy it started raining on 7pm...darn it don ruin my pasar malam date =.="...it rained for 40+ mins n stop...i was like thank god i stil can make it..went out to get my dear on 8.30pm+...was glad to c her...hehe...on the way to reach our destination..it started to rain...i was like wth wad r u trying to play god...stop the earlier rain n wait for me to reach my destination n ruin my date...damn it...so she suggested dat head to jusco for a walk...of coz my dear says yes i wudnt say no haha...we wanted to get tickets for movie on thursday oso...so y nt =)...1 thing i don like about jusco is the parking...its hard to find nice parking =.=lll..manage to get a nt so nice parking bt stil it does it job...parked my car xD...then we head towards tgv to get our transformers ticket haha...while i was queue-ing to get tickets...she met her fren's bf...who i appear to noe him as well bt too bad the guy doesnt recognise me =/...bt who cares...nt like i noe him well though haha...fetch our tickets then we walk around jusco aimlessly...going all stores juz to have a look...had long talk wif her...basically our topics is on her frens bt it doesnt realy matter...coz she is beside me...bt i wanted to noe her more hehehe...felt like i was dreaming...few days ago she told me...we don realy noe each other bt our feelings on each other is so strong...kinda strange hor...i gota agree...bt for me...knowing each other is juz part of the progress...the point is i realy noe i like n love her...dats all important...knowing each other can be done...juz time dat concern...going to watch movie wif her dis thursday hahaha...cant wait til the day comes...although its juz 2days away...reach her house around 10pm...there were no1 at house so we sat in the car n chat...although juz mere topics bt im satisfied...realy duno y...i felt comfortable wif her...well mebe its the bond dat we had =)...her family came bk at around 10.30pm...seems they were noticing me wen i drove away...had a clash of eyes wen i was moving the car...bt i don mind coz they have the right to noe who's dating their gal...silly gal asked me if i mind on the matter...y wud i actualy...although i duno will i have the chance to realy sit down wif her family n mebe have a little conversation...bt it doesnt realy concern me...all i care for is her...her feelings at the top priority x)...realy silly gal hehe...bt dear u noe wad...ur sillyness is a cuteness to me =P...hopes u don c dis so early haha...awaits the next date wif u my dear muackz love u<3

a packed day...still i miss my dear

its monday...as usualy class in da morning...after class went for lunch...bt dis week is a bit different...my good fren din have to return to kl so early meanwhile can stay til tuesday morning...so after had lunch...invite him for a snoker at the old same spot ( infinity )...myself n another fren reached the spot on 1.30pm+...waited for my fren for 2 hours bt he yet to arrive...mood is totaly ruin...it gets worse wen he called n said im curently at menglembu...juz finished some of his personal matter =.=lll...well at least he stil rmbs dat he has done sumtg which annoys us n thus decide to treat us for a dinner...came upon agreement n we had out towards pizza hut XD...dat meal cost him rm7x bt he was willing to pay with a smile on his face...we oso found out dat another fren of ours planning to treat us for a bday dinner upon his gf bday...we all came to an agreement dat dat bday dinner will a the most expensive bday dinner dat he will be treating XD...after dinner we went to the old same spot infi bt dis time is playing dota...had a few enjoyable games...bt during the last game...the missing-ness came again...started to miss my dear more n more...guess i cant wait till 2mr comes...i wana meet my dear~!!!

sudden tune of mood =S

its juz another saturday...yet another boring noon...so i went to play snoker with my good fren kenny who juz came bk frm kl yesterday...well nt to boast myself...im kinda good at snoker =x...so call have talent ba...bt its kinda strange...weneven i take up the cue n play...i usualy concentrate...bt for dat short period of time...i lost my mood n skills...even i duno y...i started off playing like i used to play...bt after a few hits...i started commiting silly fouls...its was juz for like 20 mins...wen she din reply my msg coz she was having tuition classes...bt i felt like...i duno hw to describe it...the feeling was horible...it was juz 20 mins...even my fren said wad happen to u...u seem different =/...bt wen i receive the reply of hers...things started to turn 180 degrees =X...been scoring points n doing stunts til my fren said hw can u change so suddenly @@...well i told him the fact dat i was waiting the fact dat i was waiting for my dear to reply despite the fact he tought i was a noob player which i cant tolerate =.=lll...i realy showed him 2day dat i was a player yet a performer...n stated the fact dat motivation frm certain ppl or aspect can realy change the results of the whole thing...bt ended up i was paying the snoker bill coz he treat me yam cha earlier LOL...guess i realy miss my dear dat time =P

nvr been so happy after so long

its juz an ordinary friday start...woke up in da morning...get breakfast then hang out wif frens...juz 2nite im going out wif other frens...of coz 2gt wif my beloved dear...did wad a bf sud did...went over to hse to take her n head towards the destination wif some frens waiting...on the way send msg to the fren telling them we already reach bt instead we juz start the journey meanwhile our frens had reached =/...got condemn for being late...bt it seems i din hear anytg coz im wif her...were trying to hide the fact we r 2gt by nt officialy announcing to them =P bt it seems they ardy knew =.=...sat down n ordered drink then cont on wif our "chui sui"...sat there for like 4 hours n talk about many things...although the topics were nt mainly consist of us both bt im satisfied...i realy felt it nw...there's no doubt...i realy love her...although our relationship doesnt come as easy as it seems to b...sent her home after we dismiss our "reunion"...had a little chit chat in the car on the way sending her home...forget ask for goodbye kiss wen reached her house LOL =P( mention for fun )...on the way bk to my hse kept thinking of her =/ even i cant tell myself y...its juz been awhile...guess no theory can explain dat...well for nw i noe 1 thing...although i cant b sure dat i can keep her forever bt i do wish dat things don change in my life...i had ntg else to wish for nw...except my own transport vehicle =.="...i realy hope dat nobody leaves my life nw...if can till the day i officialy leaves dis world...i promise...even im nt the best u can have...i will make myself the best i can give...i love u my dear joyce lye pui sian <3

up n down then up again down

heart been beating fast as im typing...as i type mind keep thinking about it...thinking whether sud i make my step...for awile i have been helping out others on opinion n consults bt it seems i cant even convince myself on my own things...wad a failure im >.<...i tried to seek opinion frm fren...bt it seems the fren dat i seek help frm is the 1 i mite going to take the actions to...omg wad m i doing...the opinion was go for it...u nvr try u nvr noe...wad if i make my step n things doesnt went as smooth as i was expecting? taking a step to forward a good fren relation towards a couple relation is yet a much courageous step to take...i duno have i the courage...im crumbling

even i duno

life been quite comfortable for the past few months...started my college life n yt stil sticking wif good buddies hang out plans...although hang outs amount has drop down due to work n studies...bt yet life is more less remaining the same...bt recently...some unexpected things came up...things i din realy expect to happen...frens has been telling things dat i duno hw to reply them...more like a scandal of mine wif a fren...=.="...frens told me dat a particular fren had a crush on me -.-lll...though i am nt sure hw true is dat...even im nt sure my feelings or view on dat...been puting myself on a hard situation lately...i have alwiz been a big talker on these situations wif frens...bt wen it realy comes to it...i kinda like went blank...realy duno if i gt the courage to find out the truth or sud the matter juz remain anonymous...realy cant make up my mind...felt my toughness is decreasing...