a sudden feeling of death

as much as i dowan to return to the blog...bt stil i have return...return with sadness...perhaps im juz nt caring enuf...or nt knowing hw to express it...either way...i duno...tot i was gona have dinner wif her...bt sumtg came up...she was despress of losing her PP notes n exercise despise dat she doesnt rmb where she placed them...i wanted to help...bt im juz helpless...she doesnt wana go for dinner...n i have to return the car to my family...i have no choice bt to leave...leaving her alone in the house...n myself nt going out for dinner...were messaging her...bt she seems very depressed n angry...she din replied my last message...so i tot of giving her sometime to calm down n meanwhile look for her stuff...i tot i was right...bt i wasnt...it made her felt i don care bout her...tried to explain...bt i guess i juz wasnt good enuf...found something related to her notes n exercise...though i duno whether is it the 1 she is looking for...then i head out to get some food for her...was outside her house...asked her to come out...then return her the papers...she turn around upon taking the papers...without me having a chance to say a word or hand her the food...were kinda sad dat time...chase out to hand her the food...bt she rejected...tot of puting the food at doorside...bt sked her mum mite return n asked...dowan create trouble for her...have no choice bt to leave wif the food...were driving home then...realy tot of speeding n crashing by the side...bt on 2nd tot...i sudnt give up...i vow dat i wont...n i WONT!!!!! NEVER !!!!