9 more days

2day was a normal day for me...went to class...except dat i don have to work hahaha...went for TigerWooHoo alone dis noon...enjoyed the movie...realy a nice movie from local DJ's...good job Malaysians hahaha...was thinking...if my dear were to watch wif me...she would have drop tears at a few parts of the movie...was realy touching...i nearly drop tears as well lolz...then came a message...the message says...she will return to ipoh on 4th of february...how delighted i was dat moment...after so long...i finaly get to c my sweetheart again...realy cant describe my joy dat time...bt the joy din last long...juz went on till my dinner ends...was a bit unhappy wen i din receive her message after some time...i noe i should felt dis way...bt i juz cant control it...maybe she is busy...or have something to do...i juz tot dat at least i could noe...dats all i wished for...i guess its not very over for dat...bt i noe its bad for feeling such...got my sis to lend her the portable dvd player...tot dis would make her life at genting a bit more enjoyable...not juz going for work n heading bk to hostel and rest...as tot i would juz ask her to take it wif her to genting wen she returns there and send it back wen her mum goes to genting to visit her upon CNY...bt dis wasnt wad she wanted...realy dowan to argue over dis kind of matter...realy felt unhappy and upset wenever we argued over matters dat doesnt involved us...something which is over dead materials...realy make me fed up...and dis situation will juz lead me to another...emo...aiiz...realy upset n sad now...duno wad i can do...sometimes matter got out of hands...out of my hands...beyond things dat i can do...sometimes i felt im juz too timid...perhaps useless...sometimes these emo feelings will lead me to think...wad m i good for in dis world? perhaps juz a normal guy whom alwiz make his family worry and sad? or a useless bf who cant make his other half happy? i realy cant make a choice...im suppose to be happy 2day...bt....juz duno y god put a turn over my feelings 2nite...if can...someone juz run over me with a vehicle or something...and perhaps i can whispered into the wind juz like dat...sorry dear...i noe u will felt very bad wen u read dis...

DAY 14

very emo 2day...duno y...though i enjoy a good dota game dis noon...has a relax class...bt juz sudenly...i felt opposite...think back a lot of things we do last time...she has been away for 2 weeks...away frm me for 2 weeks...these days had been hard for me n her...realy hard...miss her a lot 2day...more than i used to...duno y...aiiz...realy sked...im afraid that the coming future may not be as expected...im afraid that we may have changed...no idea y the thought came to my head...im afraid that the changes may cause us to go different path...i realy don hope dat it will happen...i noe dat she will be sad wen she read dis post...bt...sry dear...sometimes im realy afraid dat u may have changed wen u return...and i may not catch up wif the "new u"...realy wish she is by my side...though we promised to work hard at each other place...bt sometimes its realy hard...hard to not having u by my side...i miss ur voice...ur laughter...n the most is ur face...u r my motivator my strength...realy living my life nowadays like a zombie...have to use study work n games to keep myself going...juz like a zombie need flesh to move on...i duno wen i will collapse...felt myself cracking...my defense wall...being rush by the loneliness and miss towards u...my endurance is geting weak...hopefully u r back to me b4 i loses the war...dear...i realy miss u...i realy hope dat we can return to the days where we can meet everyday...bt i don have the ability to control time...if i do...i would return time to where we r 2gt every moment...happy and sad...where u r by my side n im by urs...

maybe its the last post

work up around 10.30am++ dis morning...then i check the hp for msg...found 4 unread msg...the msg were frm my dear...the suprise was the msg saying...i din reply her msg n she wanted to give up on our relationship...NOOOO...dear...i din meant to not reply ur msg...i done working last nite nearly 1am n i tot u were asleep...so i din reply...i dowan to disturb u...bt...i din expect it to lead to dis situation...now u said u were tired of waiting my msg...dear...i realy din mean to not reply ur msg...everything is coincidence...i tried to call bt she was busy training...y has dis happen? does distance n being apart realy can bring more hardness compared to being close? i realy duno...i dowan our relationship to end...NOT FOR A STUPID COINCIDENCE !!! i noe she is realy upset now...i cant call her n explain...aiiz...realy frustated now...f**k...was thinking...wad if we realy ended up breaking up? my life would be meaningless...was even silly enuf to think...i be sad for weeks...then use some time to settle up wad i left to settle...then cut my artery n let blood flow out of me? or juz jump down frm a 10 storey building? realy tot of dying at the moment...ppl may say...its silly to siucide for love...bt for me...rather than losing your most love one...ur other half...is better to die rather to live n suffer for the rest of ur life...realy upset now...couldnot think of much things...i duno wad the outcome would be...bt if it realy goes to a situation dat is not favourable n anything happens to me...dis could be my last msg...dear...i realy love u...dats no lie to it...im 120% sure i love u...bt...if things realy had gone beyond expected...i juz wan u to noe...all the laughter and joy we once had is true...the love i have to offer is all true from me...though i duno whether will u have a chance to read dis...maybe no...bt...if u do...and unfortunate things had happen to me...pls forgive me...i love u now n i will love u till the end of time

DAY 10

its been 10 days since she had left...im slowly adapting the enviroment dat she is not around me...its realy hard...im missing her all the time...the oni thing dat could numb me is DOTA and work...trying to make myself paralyze wif these 2 things...bt 2day...she called wen i was on the way to work...din expect her to call realy...n i responded cold...upon reaching work...she called again...n again i responded cold...told her i gota rush for work...and hang up...then she sms me...asking whether m i falling for another gal...dat realy hurts me...she says she has no confidence...which realy poke the heart of mine...nearly lost track of my work...i replied...i was worried...worried about things dat is happening around her...i duno wads going on...im nt by her side...not able to protect her from unneccasry disturbance...i duno....if theres any...aiiz...realy don have confidence in myself...sad case...i told her frankly about my feelings...a great confession to make...i duno wad might happen in the future...bt im working hard to work out the future dat i realy wished for...dats to have a actual solid family wif her...im for REAL!!! DEAR WAIT FOR ME !!! ITS NOT FAR FROM THE FUTURE WE BOTH WANTED !! I PROMISE !!!

DAY 7

juz reach home after a nite hangout wif frens...not realy in the mood coz we lost the last dota game...aiiiz...easily got emo lately...maybe becoz i miss my dear too much...i duno...realy wish she is by my side now...bt we both noe...we have to endure dis...we r working hard now for our future...is gona join then ING insurance group soon...after i complete the exam...duno whether im rite o wrong...the figure of the business attracts me...bt i duno whether im capable of doing so...hopefully i wil have no difficulty doing so...haha...kinda tired...guess i will finish my supper then go sleep...dear...i will try my best not to emo...i will work hard n endure...i will be guai...u oso muz guai...cant cry so easily liao...dear...i miss u so badly...i love u and i will wait for u till u come back...muackz dear <3

DAY 3

not working 2day...she called me n ask me to send her mum bk to hometown to give something to her fren to deliver to her on saturday...reject my frens for infi to do so...well...in the journey had some small talk wif her mum...and the topic appears to be her things in genting...told her mum bout her in genting...n called her juz now...told her i mention her stuff in genting to her mum...n she gt angry...very angry...well of coz i duno she dowan me to mention it...aiiz...so sad nw...she is so angry...dowan to receive my calls n reply my messages...its wad she will do everytime...bt dis time...the effects towards me is multiplied...my heart really hurts...hurt till i duno wad to say...maybe becoz i miss her too much...not geting to c her for 3 days...she wanted the laptop bt i cant give it to her...my dad need to use it...if its mine surely i can give it...aiiz...i realy duno...heart so pain now...duno wen she will forgive me...so fan now...duno wad i can do...maybe the effect is frm wad she said...if genting is willing to offer her a perma job...she would stay...which means...i duno...perhaps i could juz let it be...

DAY 2

is going to work in 30 mins...sudenly pictures of our memories flash in my head...its already 1 day she is in genting...which means im nt having her by my side for 1 day ardy...realy so not use to it...at the same time im 24 hours worried about her...genting is nt a far place to say bt oso not a near place to mention...aiiz...duno hw she is doing there...realy hopes she is all fine...realy misses her laughter and voice...as much as i miss her face...realy wish i can hug her now...bt i noe dats imposible now...i will have to endure til she is done for the training or 1st work session...which is i duno when...bt realy hopes dat day comes fast...as fast as possible...duno whether will i have the motivation to work 2day...probably no...who cares...frankly speaking...i will do anything if i can get to c n hold her now...practically anything...realy duno hw long i have got to spend my life demotivated...juz eat watch tv n sit infront of the pc...doing nothing...aimless...dear...i realy so miss u...u muz stay strong at genting...endure through the days and return to me...not as a new people...bt as my laopo...my most beloved laopo JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN !!! I LOVE U !!!

DAY 1

i send her to take van around 30mins + ago...it was realy hard for me...i promised her i wun cry...i din cry infront of her...accompany her til the van fully leave the waiting spot...i tot i could hang over it...bt i couldnt...my tears flood out uncontrolbally as i enter my car...she is leaving my side...though its juz for a temporary of time...bt stil...the feeling is so hard to accept...dis is our 1st small departure...i duno if i could stay normal without her by my side...i noe she wud like me to go on wif life...bt i cant promise her dis becoz i myself duno whether can i do it without her...she is my motivator...my strength...my everything...she cried many times yesterday...which makes my heart realy pain...i tried not to drop tears infront of her...i dowan her to worry bout me...at least not too much...i oso noe she wudnt wan me to worry too much of her...bt i cant...although genting is not a very far place to be frm ipoh...bt stil...im not by her side...i cant watch her and take care of her...neither i can hear her nor see her wen she need me...moreover...i have extra worries to worried for...although we both tot dat nothing's gona change between us...bt for me...frankly im worried...maybe im juz being sensitive...bt recently there r many strangers ( ppl dat i duno ) sms-ing her...well its common to sms...bt i felt extra...i noe dis is bad n idiotic...bt...im realy afraid of losing her...now dat she wil be in genting...a place where im not familiar with...maybe i juz don have confidence in myself...i noe she wil be sad wen she see dis...bt sorry dear...juz cant control my tears now...guess i will stop here...dear...u muz rmb...u muz come back to me...back to me as my laopo my dearest my honey my sweetheart my lover my everything...I LOVE U JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN !!!! NOTHING'S GONA CHANGE MY LOVE !!!!

dillema

recently being wif my dear nowadays...enjoy having her by my side...bt this strange feeling suddenly appears...the fear of losing her is geting greater...everytime i look into her eyes...my heart feel emotional...wad would i do when she is not around me...she used to be my motivator...my strength...my everything...sometimes i felt like rather not see-ing her...coz wenever i see her...it reminds me dat she will be leaving...i noe i need to stay strong...and so do her...bt i tried to be strong...bt the force is juz brings too great of implication...i wanted to share all the time i have now wif her before she leaves...bt dis feeling juz disturbs me...i realy duno wad im thinking...my feelings is juz like the song " let me die " she will be leaving in 39 hours...which means my biggest unwilling to face scene will come...bt i think its inevitable...i will juz have to face it no matter hw much im not willing to...juz hope dat the day will come slower then i expect it would be...hopefully not too much tears will take place dat day...dear...i wan u to noe...although u might not c dis in time...i will love u till the end of time and nothing's gona change my love for u <3
I LOVE U JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN AND U WILL BE MY LOVED ONE FOR ETERNITY