a sudden feeling of death

as much as i dowan to return to the blog...bt stil i have return...return with sadness...perhaps im juz nt caring enuf...or nt knowing hw to express it...either way...i duno...tot i was gona have dinner wif her...bt sumtg came up...she was despress of losing her PP notes n exercise despise dat she doesnt rmb where she placed them...i wanted to help...bt im juz helpless...she doesnt wana go for dinner...n i have to return the car to my family...i have no choice bt to leave...leaving her alone in the house...n myself nt going out for dinner...were messaging her...bt she seems very depressed n angry...she din replied my last message...so i tot of giving her sometime to calm down n meanwhile look for her stuff...i tot i was right...bt i wasnt...it made her felt i don care bout her...tried to explain...bt i guess i juz wasnt good enuf...found something related to her notes n exercise...though i duno whether is it the 1 she is looking for...then i head out to get some food for her...was outside her house...asked her to come out...then return her the papers...she turn around upon taking the papers...without me having a chance to say a word or hand her the food...were kinda sad dat time...chase out to hand her the food...bt she rejected...tot of puting the food at doorside...bt sked her mum mite return n asked...dowan create trouble for her...have no choice bt to leave wif the food...were driving home then...realy tot of speeding n crashing by the side...bt on 2nd tot...i sudnt give up...i vow dat i wont...n i WONT!!!!! NEVER !!!!

a 2nd chance

i realy tot i lost her...i juz view her blog...frm the start i have go the wrong way...i tot she hates me...bt she loves me more then i imagine...im so stupid...im silly til i go type stupid things at my blog...even tot of modifying a song for her...bt mercy is drop upon me...i have been forgiven and 2nd chance is given...i manage to save her frm leaving me...i realy duno wad to say or do...it was like an angel has drop blessing on our relationship...we r stil 2gt...no matter wad i wont let go anymore...even it takes my life everything away frm me...no more giving up...

useless tears droping

juz return her tiger n retrieve my jacket...i tot i could ask for forgiveness...bt i juz don have th courage to...im juz too weak...i cant protect her..making her cry is all i do best...i alwiz speak hard n rough...thinking im strong person...won cry...bt it was juz my own thinking...bt theres no use crying nw...i tot at least i stil can have her as a fren...bt the fact is no...y my tears juz cant stop droping...pls stop...she say she doesnt wan me to be her fren...i have totaly lost her...i realy duno wad to say or type...i realy love her...so do her...bt...guess there juz isnt the room for us to be 2gt anymore...there will be no more...dear i miss u...dear i love u...breakfast lunch dinner...no more...bt i guess its a good thing...she wudnt have to drop anymore tears...no more late sleeping...she can do anytg she wan...no more restricting frm me...hope she wil go on wif her own life...pray dat i stil can c her somewhere someday sometime...without letting her know dat im there...god...pls delete her memories of me..i realy dowan her to rmb the wound i once deliver to her...perhaps dis is the last time i will say...though i have repeat dis last time many times...laopo...i realy love u...though we may nt be 2gt...bt my heart alwiz love u...u will alwiz be in my heart...perhaps forever...ur position and cuteness cant be replace...dats my last promise to u...

im so scared

its around 2 hours more to the confrontation...every second dat passes by...my heartbeat get more nervous n harder...wad m i gona do later wen i c her? izzit realy the end of everything? no turning bk? is there any chance dat i can recover the situation? i realy duno...my heart hurts as it beat...im realy scared dat we...or i wun have the chance to talk to her anymore...have been thinking...if i apologize and beg for forgiveness...will it change the situation? i realy dowan to lose her...bt i cant be selfish to make her suffer juz to make me happy...if she is realy suffering wen she is wif me...then its better for me...or us to let go...at least she wud be happy...1 sad is much better than both sad...i wud rather dat i suffer all the sadness if she could be happy n free...as i type...the memories between us flash back through my mind...our happy and sad encounters...bt i guess it can juz be call memories...recently im being bothered by my family matters...nw im gona lose her...perhaps dis is all part in my life...inevitable whether i wan it o nt...i realy wish she wun leave me...or perhaps its me leaving her...perhaps i have brought her too much tears...for i have sin thus im being punished...if i cant recover the situation later...at least i hope we can stil be frens...even a fren by juz its name...i dowan to lose her totaly...for she has been a part of my soul...knowing dat losing part of one soul is a painful thing...

its all over

its all over...our relationship has come to an end...perhaps its all my fault...i wasnt good enough...there's ntg i can do to overcome the fact dat she hates me nw...her last msg realy hurts...stated last msg...y does dis have to go dis way...i realy duno...bt mebe dis is also a release for her...she doesnt have to suffer between the one she love n hates...though she mite nt be seeing dis...even if she does...i duno wad she mite think...mebe im juz typing to show her...wadever...the fact is dat my feelings towards her was real...im nt taking her as a replacement for my ex...i realy don...though she mite feel otherwise...bt its useless nw...everything is decided...there's ntg i could do to recover...i tot i could prevent my tears frm droping...bt i couldnt...i cried infront of my best fren...mebe im juz nt good enough for her...or could dis be the ever lasting curse of Anderson? so far all andersonian frm my year is yt to encounter a happy ending relationship...perhaps dis could make me feel better...i stil cant believe i lost her...bt everything has turn into fact nw...she hates me...bt mebe its a good thing...she doesnt have to rmb all the things dat i once did which may hurt her...i juz hope dat she could get on her life bk...although i noe i don have the right to say dis cuz i m the one dat makes her cry...she gota face her muet task 1 exam later in the morning at skul...surely she wont have enuf rest...hope she is asleep nw...allow me to call u for the last time...dear...im sorry...i couldnt deliver happiness into ur life...nite sweetheart...last kiss muackz <3...all the best...i love u...though we may never be 2gt again...

came bk after all

its been a long time...i tot i don have to come bk to post my feelings anymore...bt seems afterall im bk here...duno hw to start...its was a call frm her...a normal 1 where jokes n laughter exist...sudenly juz a joke of mine turn the situation 180* away...i juz duno wad i can do...dis time isnt the same like the previous time...perhaps the dmg delivered to both sides is juz too great to accept...the pain dis time is much more...i realy duno...my starting point was juz a joke...bt seems the joke isnt accepted as expected...guess the joke i was trying to deliver lead me...or us to wadever situation dat is nw...im totaly lost nw...i tot i could cheer up after a game of dota or two wif my frens...bt...seems it didnt help...her words realy meant a lot to me...i wish her words could act like wad my fren said...mebe its juz a joke...bt i juz cant accept it...though i duno wad she meant behind her words...and her decision...i knew dat i made her drop lots of tears 2nite...i cant beg for forgiveness...mebe perhaps i don deserve it...i juz wish she could do her exam well at skul...bt for everything i have said...im sorry...bt there is no deny to the fact dat i truely love her...i realy love u my sweetheart...