if only...

2day is a tiring day...class early in the morning...work in the evening til late nite...gosh...tired...felt very uneasy 2day...juz wish to receive n reply a few more messages...bt don have the time to...aiiz...finished work at 12.30am+...text dear...bt her reply were slow...duno wad she is doing though...perhaps watching movie...got emo...aiiz...sometimes i juz wish to c her name appear more often in my hp screen...bt things often don go so easy...posted emo things at fb again...she got real fed up...scolded me...no resistance...sometimes perhaps im juz missing her too much...sud i learn to control dat? i don think i can...i realy duno...sometimes i force her to send me photos of hers...not becoz i want to make her do something she reluctant to...bt i juz wish to c her latest face...at least i would help me go on till the day she reaches home where i could meet her in real life...maybe wad i did n think irritates her...im sorry dear...maybe u will wont c dis post...or maybe duno when u will...i juz wish u to noe...i have never change frm the day u r in ipoh...till the day u r at genting working for 3 months...sometimes i juz wish im born in a super rich family...then i can stop working or studying n juz permanently be beside u...forever n after...bt the time god created human...life is seldom easy...there r things n road we gota go tru...i can juz pray...our road is hard n bumby now...may our future road be smooth n last forever...

countdown 17 days

juz reach home after went out yam cha wif jayson...had a funny nite...hearing him on phone wif his fren...haha...their conversation were funny...spend about 1 hour+ at kopitiam...kinda tired though...bt nt feel like sleeping...send him home after our yam cha session...as usualy would head back home alone...bt nt using the usual road i used to travel...purposely pass by dear house...along the lonely street...our pass memories re-appear...think back our old days...at the very beginning of our relationship...use to send her back at nite like dis...after our sweet time...hw good if she here now...realy wanted to hug her n nt let go...bt couldnt do dat now...aiiz...so miss her...duno y...sudenly felt dat i don have the courage to tell her...bt even though i tell her oso...it wun change anything...so mite as well juz keep in the heart...aiiz...very emo...juz saw the new sem timetable...it sarks horibly...monday to friday oso almoz full...niama...totaly juz left nite to accompany my dear T___T...i realy dowan like dis a !!! aiiz...so sad...

a triggering song

so bored 2day...facing the same problem again...aiiz...invited my collegemate for lunch...discuss about the problem...a little relief after talking wif him...heard a very triggering song...lolipop xiao yu's 只要你还记得...there was a part saying...wround in love is the 1 u will rmb the most...dis triggered the scene where my dear said she wana break wif me at a particular nite...a very sad nite for me...stil rmb the scene of dat nite...the impact on me...crying in the car...realy miss her now...although i noe she is busy at genting...wif her own work n situations to handle...bt i realy wish dat i could juz hug her for a moment now...i noe i couldnt change the fact of her leaving...bt...at least i wish to give her a big hug b4 she leaves...a hug which represents i will be the 1 for u wenever u need a ppl to spare a hug n time to listen n speak...i couldnt ask for more...as i don possessed the ability n authority to...juz 1 big hug would be enuf...juz wish dat the day b4 she returns bk to genting...i can give her a big hug...sometimes i noe im juz not the 100% bf i can be...bt i will try to give 120% of wad she needs in my possibilities n ability...felt she realy change a lot...became realy mature compared to b4 leaving my side n head to the cruel world of community...haha...kinda relief...bt sometimes im oso worried...worried of the threats she may face n so do i...flowers attract wild butterflies no matter where they r...aiiiz...nothing i can do...perhaps i have done all i could...tot of a sentence...你没权力去选择你要的爱...但你可以选择你要爱的人...if she's the 1 you will choose...then acceptance muz be given no matter hw reluctant it can get...i will choose to accept all dat may come...becoz i noe...she will be the 1 dat i will love for dis life...

envy

2day is kinda tired...slepy quite late last nite...then have to wake up early to get ready for work...9.30am ticket box ~.~ ...well...there's ntg to do bout it...have to go tru it...had a very special envy feeling 2day...saw many family...or to be specific is parents bringing their children to come n buy ticket...juz watching them having such a sweet time while discussing about tickets makes me envy...wonder if i can have such a happy moment in the future...haha...bt all i can do is juz envy...frankly speaking i realy don have 100% confidence...perhaps distance is realy creating a wall of its own...i noe dis situation is unevitable...bt i realy hope i can change it...too bad i cant...aiiz...juz come bk frm yam cha...in the session we mention a similiar topic...1 dat i don realy wan to mention about...singapore...few days bk dear told me she will be leaving for singapore...n my fren told me he tot of working at singapore...another 1 said "i will be going to singapore for vacation"...bt me...aiiz...duno wad to say...for the moment...i juz wish dear can come bk as soon as posible n stay wif me as long as posible...realy don dare to think of family now...sked dat i will make a mistake if im unable to control...