16th

she came bk ardy...1 day earlier that she told...the day finaly came...if it was last time...i would be very happy as i will get to c her...bt now...no chance...i stil tot i can take it easy...bt it seems dat i cant...went out wif frens last nite...tot can use entertainment n forget...bt end up failure...failed at dota...then went to drink...drank quite a lot...felt the dizzy head...good !!! dats wad i wan...a dizzy head cant think !!! kept drinking...end up reaching home vomitting like shit...damn !!! spoke to a similiar feeling fren b4 dat...told him everything i kept in the heart...felt a bit better...bt still the feeling aint gone...it stil remain...dam...y cant i juz let go...alwiz said to ppl so nicely...bt i cant even do it...y y y...ppl keep on telling me...forget it...y wana torture urself for a gal dat doesnt love u anymore...i understand...bt i juz cant do it...she is too important n too big in my heart...i cant seem to move...if someone would have knock me n kept me unconsious...perhaps it would be better...as i don have to keep thinking...thinking of past n silly things...curse me !!! ppl often say its either love o hate...i wanted to hate bt i juz cant...becoz...the love isnt gone...its stil there...for me...i tried to hate...using the very cruel method...don bother don look don ask don contact...i tot it will work...bt it seems to be another stupid method...fuck...juz a simple thing can make me wad im not...zzz...i realy dowan to noe anymore...bt the stupid brain juz keep on thinking...shoot me someone...release me...y muz the pain bind me...sometimes i realy wish i din move into dis position...y muz it be me...everyone said to me...the puppy love will most probably be the most hurt u will encounter...i told them...i wont be...i will make it my 1st n oni love...i will prove to u all dat im into it...i did...i did everything i could...everything i will...bt it din end up as i want it will be...now even the word genting haunt me...frens of mine keep saying wana go there work...everytime i heard it...it juz makes me think of the days where she 1st started to go there...n then its wen our relationship turn bad...keep asking myself...was i wrong? to support her n go to genting for a career? was i? i guess i was...if oni i can be more selfish n asked her to stay wif me...bt seems it was too late...never will she stay wif me...n never will she read wad im going to type or hear wad im going to say...i can oni keep wad i have in my very own heart...n share wif pooh pooh...i wish those memories can bring happiness...for me n u...stil wish dat u rmb dat im who u once love...