My Sad Days without U

last post

2010-05-18T23:38:00.002+08:00

the day has arrive...n i juz read her blog...i feel like dying...i had exactly the feel my fren had...juz worst than him...a fish being hook to the land n left rotten...she told he they had started...dat time...my heart realy hurts...hurts like it never was b4...seems i was the bad guy...n "he" appeared...as the angel...it hurts...juz hurts...i duno wad to say...juz left tears dropping...juz feel ending my life...our story...our everything...has ended...i muz let go...its the best...bt i juz cant...my brain n heart stil has her...recently many ppl juz "go" like dat in my area...y isnt one of them me? y? i realy wan to leave...away frm the sadness n tortureness...frm wadever is there...reading her blog hurts more...i wan to die...realy...some juz take me away...or send me away...she has never regret...juz 1 word in my heart...pain pain pain...fuck...dam...i duno...realy duno wad to write...i wish i can juz hate U...bt i cant do it...y...y the fuck the world put dis on me...y m i so vulnerable...fuck u CHRIS CHONG WEI CHOON !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i will never return to dis blog...for the meaning isnt here...anymore...some1 if can...take me away...i wana rest...in peace...

辛苦

2010-05-17T02:41:00.002+08:00

啊~!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 很辛苦啊!!!!!!!!!!!!为什么!!!!!!!!!!!!!!心很痛啊!!!!!!!!!!!!!昨晚突然收到你的讯息...很惊讶...内容让我觉得你好像还关心我...很开心...但你又突然不回我了...心又痛了...问你还记得今天是什么日子...你说...忘了吧...你那句"just forget it"...你知道我有多痛吗...以前你说的...我都会尽力去做...因为我想成为你心目中的最好那个...你要我放弃你...我也做了...但是...为什么你还我去忘记...我真的不能忘记啦!!!!!你知道分手后我有多想你吗?你知道我有多爱你吗?你知道失去你我多想死吗?也许你不知道...我不会忘记你!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!可能你会觉得我很傻很笨...也许每个人都会...但是我还想和你在一起!!!!!昨晚在想...其实你还关心我...还对我有感觉...你说的都是骗我的...你没有喜欢另一个...你只是不要我辛苦...所以才离开我...我真的搞不清楚...我的心很乱...甚至我在想...我是不是疯了...钟玮骏你这个笨蛋!!!!!人家都说了...为什么还这样?我不知道啦...可以的话...我很想死...我现在比死更难受...每天在朋友家人面前装开朗...其实我是多么的痛...没人懂...每天都要找事做...就算打机...我都会想...如果上天再给我一次机会...我不会让你走...一个月了...分手一个月了...我也爱你十一个月了...虽然我不能在你身边...但你的回忆和背影都会在我脑海你不停的转动...你在我心里是不会死的...我的心也不死...11/1 会继续下去...

最痛

2010-05-07T02:48:00.002+08:00

知道她要回云顶了...心很痛...以前已经会痛因为她要离开我...但现在...我却不能和她过...比以前还痛...不知道为什么...我一直有感觉她想和我再在一起...很想再和她在一起...她说的每一句...问了她...我们真的不可能吗?现在不能...以后也不能吗? 她很坚决的说...我们已经不可能在一起了...我不明白为什么...我真的很爱她...虽然我不知道她心想些什么...但是我知道...她的确的开心了...刚看了她和家人去吃东西的照片...看到她的笑容...很灿烂...很美...的确...她染了头发...还电直了...真的很美...很后悔那时没对她说...现在已经没机会了...很想对她说..."老婆...你很美"...现在这一句不会出现了...因为我没资格叫她老婆了...朋友都对我说...让时间过去...你一定会站起来的...也许吧...我真的不知道她为什么那么坚决...一定有点事情...我一直在想...会不会...她以为她伤了我很深...她对不起我...如果是的话...那我要说...你很傻!!!!!!!! 你知道吗...我是多么的想和你过我的一辈子...我的以后...我的未来...我不知道你会不会看到我写的这些...但如果你有看到...你还是对我有感觉的...我很想你会再给我一次机会...也给你自己一次机会...让我们重新开始...每当我想起我们曾经做过的事...我都会笑起来...但是然后都会很想哭...因为发觉了你已经不在我的身边...其实我很想找你出来...面对面和你说...你不要走好吗...我们重新开始...但是现在没机会啦...你要回去了...下个月没回来...不知道几时才能再见你...发觉自己慢慢的变得不清醒...最后我对你说...不管多久...我也会等你...如果你是担心别人会说闲话所以选择不回到我身边...我会把他们全部给骂走...我只想你回到我身边...真的很想你会看到我想说的话...但也许你永远都不会回到我的blog的地址...可能你会想把我的大部分给埋葬...但我要你知道...你是打不死我的心...也许我的心只会在我心跳停止时死掉...

又回来了

2010-05-05T16:54:00.002+08:00

不知道为什么...以为自己能放手...但心里一直想哭...钟玮骏...坚强点啦...不要这么没用...她也不想看到你这样...她不希望你伤心...对不起...我做不到...每当想起我们的以前...我都会忍不住想流泪...因为我们的十个月真的过的不容易..不管我多么的不想放弃...最后我还是必需放弃...因为我想她开心...如果她和我在一起是不开心的话...我情愿我一个人承受所有的悲伤...来换取你的幸福...要我忘掉你...我做不到...要我让你幸福...我也做不到...我唯一能做的就是做你想我做的...还你自由...也许只能让别人让你幸福...如果你说我不是你的...我就不是...如果你想我是...我就会是...别人对我说...一段感情需要两个人来维持的...互相体谅...可能我们之间...我太迁就你了...也许让你觉得我不够细心...不会替你想...可能这也是我的错吧...我不懂的做一个好男友...也许我该回到我以前的生活...无聊无趣的生活...每天在家打机和上网...谢谢你曾出现在我的生命中...让我感到什么是幸福快乐...有你的关心和体贴照顾...我一生都不会忘记的...我也希望你不会忘记我曾带给你的快乐...也许悲伤比较多...对你下过的承诺我做不到...也许我已经没有第三次机会了...祝你的前途无量...找到你要的幸福...黎佩贤...我爱你 !!!
这blog我会继续写的...希望有一天你会看到...

只能说 "痛"

2010-05-05T15:04:00.002+08:00

终于见到她了...开始有点紧张...不知道和她说什么...哎...还了狗狗和跳跳给她...眼看她的背阴...渐渐的离我而去...我才发现...原来我已经失去她了...还回想到我们的从前...就好像昨天那样...回想到我们是如此的甜蜜...一切都过去了...昨晚朋友和我聊了一晚...还记得有个朋友问我...如果她突然或过了段时间...对你说...我们可以复合吗?我没想就说...我会答应...因为我心里很清楚...我的心还是属于她...没改变过...心里一直有个想法...但是不知道能不能实现...也许机会不大...但是我还是会等...也许时间会是我的解药...突然对自己说...我完整的家...现在只剩下5个成员...我,pooh pooh,woohoo,santa pooh 和一个大便的锤子...我未来的理想家庭已经不在了...我也该接受这个现实...虽然不知道需要多旧...已经不知道我在写什么了...心已经没力去想...脑袋只能回忆...也只能说回那些...黎佩贤...希望你真的得到幸福...虽然不知道你可不可能会到我的怀抱里...但只要你有想过...我都会接受你...不管你以后会不会想起我...只想你知道...我依然是那么爱你...一点也不会少...我的心门永远都会为你打开...不管你想不想回来...只能说我们的缘分要我们在这分开...但我永远都不会放弃你...因为你是我的最爱...我爱你黎佩贤!!!!!祝你永远幸福!!!!!

希望你不要难过

2010-05-04T02:16:00.002+08:00

刚和她sms完...感觉到她还是很内疚...让我好心痛...我不想她这样...我希望他快乐和开心...原来她真的有讨厌我...也不能怪她...因为我知道她最不喜欢人烦她...但是想回头...我这样...其实是想还留个样在她心里面...讲真的...我真的很难过...但我更难过的...连分手我都会弄到她难过...我很讨厌我自己...已经不能给幸福和快乐给她...还要她承受分手的伤心...我是怎么做男友的...心如刀割的感觉...很痛...也许我能做的只是把狗狗还她...最少还能为她做点东西...其实...我真的很想抱着她...对她说...不要走好吗? 但是不可能...一切已经到的终点...一切都结束了...我们的关系...我们的恋爱...我不知道我可以和她说什么...也许我只能把我心里的话埋在我心里...希望她能好好的过日子...也会祝福她和他...如果他们真的开始了...也只能说缘分...我和她...有缘无分...她只能成为我生命的遗憾...我也会成为她生命的悲伤...黎佩贤...如果有一天你回心转意...我的拥抱还会接受你...但不知道这一天有没有机会来临...

痛痛痛

2010-05-03T01:28:00.004+08:00

今晚受到她的短讯...问我能给回狗狗和老虎她吗...老虎没问题...但是为什么要拿回狗狗呢? 我在想...难到她对狗狗还有感情?如果是真的...那为什么她能对我完全没有感觉...难道我连一个狗狗都不如吗? 告诉我...为什么...哎...她这决定令我又想...难道...她对我还有少少感觉吗?说真的...我对她...感觉还很深...虽然她说喜欢第二个了...但我没有生气...她破坏了承诺...我没有恨她...因为...我知道不能全怪她...一个很爱你的人会突然离开你...一定有原因...可能是我不够好...不够了解她...不能给她要的...我不知道她有没有后悔和我分手...有没有伤心...但...我不想她伤心...想起我们正经差一点分手两次了...两次我都很害怕...因为我知道我的生活里没有她...会是怎么样...现在已经变成现实啦...充满痛苦和悲伤...今天听到她的声音...但是她好像不太想和我说话...听她说要去kedah...想到那时我和她去的时候...虽然没什么欢乐事...但是和她在一起的时候...真的很舒服...很自在...有一个问题很想问她...但是我没勇气...好想问她...你和我在一起的这一段时间...到底是开心还是不开心...哎...我不敢...因为我很害怕我得到我不想得到的答案...因为失去她这个事实对我真的带来很大的影响...我每天都努力做好自己...为了我们的理想将来...但是现在...没意义了...因为她的未来已经没有我了...突然觉得没有人生了...我知道我很傻...但是我不能控制自己...我真的很想她很爱她...我不断对自己说...忘了她...但是我就是做不到...我真的很想知道她心里想什么...她对我说...不爱我...是真的吗? 她爱第二个了...真的吗? 真的很怀念我们一起经过的难关和难挨的日子...李佩贤...你知道我有多想你吗? 你知道我有对爱你吗? 你知道失去你我有多难过吗? 你知道我多想死吗? 也许你不会知道...到现在我还相信...你是因为不想成为我的包袱所以才和我分手...如果是真的...你知道你有多自私吗? 你以为你是为我好...但是你不是...比起距离痛苦...现在永远失去你我比死还难受...真的生不如死...就算我拿刀割自己也没感觉...因为心的同已经跨过了肉的痛...朋友们都说...为什么...着世界不是没女生了啊...找过第二个啦...不会死啦...但是我心说...我只要你...因为我是真的爱你...只需要你一个...如果你能会到我身边那有多好...如果我可以自私的对天许个愿...我会说...请你把黎佩贤还给我!!!!!

16th

2010-05-02T16:59:00.002+08:00

she came bk ardy...1 day earlier that she told...the day finaly came...if it was last time...i would be very happy as i will get to c her...bt now...no chance...i stil tot i can take it easy...bt it seems dat i cant...went out wif frens last nite...tot can use entertainment n forget...bt end up failure...failed at dota...then went to drink...drank quite a lot...felt the dizzy head...good !!! dats wad i wan...a dizzy head cant think !!! kept drinking...end up reaching home vomitting like shit...damn !!! spoke to a similiar feeling fren b4 dat...told him everything i kept in the heart...felt a bit better...bt still the feeling aint gone...it stil remain...dam...y cant i juz let go...alwiz said to ppl so nicely...bt i cant even do it...y y y...ppl keep on telling me...forget it...y wana torture urself for a gal dat doesnt love u anymore...i understand...bt i juz cant do it...she is too important n too big in my heart...i cant seem to move...if someone would have knock me n kept me unconsious...perhaps it would be better...as i don have to keep thinking...thinking of past n silly things...curse me !!! ppl often say its either love o hate...i wanted to hate bt i juz cant...becoz...the love isnt gone...its stil there...for me...i tried to hate...using the very cruel method...don bother don look don ask don contact...i tot it will work...bt it seems to be another stupid method...fuck...juz a simple thing can make me wad im not...zzz...i realy dowan to noe anymore...bt the stupid brain juz keep on thinking...shoot me someone...release me...y muz the pain bind me...sometimes i realy wish i din move into dis position...y muz it be me...everyone said to me...the puppy love will most probably be the most hurt u will encounter...i told them...i wont be...i will make it my 1st n oni love...i will prove to u all dat im into it...i did...i did everything i could...everything i will...bt it din end up as i want it will be...now even the word genting haunt me...frens of mine keep saying wana go there work...everytime i heard it...it juz makes me think of the days where she 1st started to go there...n then its wen our relationship turn bad...keep asking myself...was i wrong? to support her n go to genting for a career? was i? i guess i was...if oni i can be more selfish n asked her to stay wif me...bt seems it was too late...never will she stay wif me...n never will she read wad im going to type or hear wad im going to say...i can oni keep wad i have in my very own heart...n share wif pooh pooh...i wish those memories can bring happiness...for me n u...stil wish dat u rmb dat im who u once love...

14th

2010-04-30T01:45:00.002+08:00

今天又不上不下...本来以为自己已经可以放下了...原来还是不能...在看海派甜心...里面突然说到...若真心爱一个人换来的只是悲伤...那就永远不要再真真的去爱一个人...是真的吗?在想...难到世界的playboy都是这样来的吗?都是因为被他们曾经的最爱伤害的很深...所以选择不再用真心去爱...因为他们不想再得到悲伤...不知道...哎...有人说...当一对情侣分手时...说分手的会承受更多悲伤...因为他们辜负了他们的爱人...真的吗? 她真的比我痛吗? 我不知道...因为我根本没机会和她说一句...我不要...我不愿意...有时真的很想知道她喜欢的是谁...最少...也许...我能和他说...她喜欢你...因为...我真的想她得到幸福...虽然很多人和我说...很多情侣分手了都可以复合...但...我觉得不可能了...因为...她已经把我在她心里洗掉了...也许我的位置已经被某人取代了...有个朋友问我...如果过了一段时间后...她和你提出复合...你会答应吗?我说...我会...被他们骂了一场...说为什么还要去爱一个曾经伤害过你的女人...我没回答...因为我心里知道...她就是我要的一切...很傻吧?没办法啦...也许这就是爱...永远没有对错...没有她的生活真的很苦...每天都需要用一些欢乐来麻醉自己...好让自己不去想...有时候回到我们曾出过的地方都会想回我们的事...有时真的很想她...有几次发恶梦...都会有她...一次做梦...原来他喜欢的是我的朋友...真的受不了...后来知道是她的师兄...有一次...真的好像真实...分手了一段时间...突然她和我提出复合...还以为是真的...整个人都飞起来了...后来察觉原来是梦...现在可能见她的机会都会没有...或许很少...以前还一个月见她三四天...现在...可能一个月一次都没...真的很想见到她...也许见到她只会得到悲伤和眼泪...但是我也愿意...天...为什么你要把我的最爱抢走!!!

confused

2010-04-29T04:08:00.002+08:00

已经凌晨4点了...刚回到家...心情有点不平衡...哎...突然受到你的讯息...脑袋都白了...还以为你不会找我了...和你聊了一下子...有没回我了...可能是我说错话吧...对你说了幸福是要自己去争取的...我真的不想说的...因为在我说这句时...我的心真的很痛...因为我既然叫我最心爱的女人去争取她的幸福...我是不是傻了...也许你不知道我的心有多痛...我真的不想失去你...但我已经没能力去让你幸福...我只好让你去寻找你的幸福...可能你会觉得我很绝...或可以那么快就放下...其实是骗你的...如果我真的放得了就不会一直做傻事...甚至对pooh pooh 说还很想你很爱你...我是不是疯了...一直在想你喜欢的人会是谁...真的被我猜中了...是做工的senior...因为从你开始做工了...你就一直对我说...谁对你多好多好...那时后我已经觉得不妙了...没想到真的...哎...没用啦...你的心已经没我了...听到真的很痛...难道真的可以那么容易就忘了吗? 如果可以的话为什么我做不到呢? 是我太脆弱吗? 真的想不通...多想这是一场梦...睡醒了就没事...但不是...这是真实...没的改变的真实...有时候会想到我们的以前...多么的快乐和自在...但一切从你去做工就改变了...可能这就是命运吧...我不能胜天...真的有点后会叫你去争取你的幸福...对他说你喜欢他...很旧没看你写blog了...好怀念以前我们用写blog来说去自己的声音...但现在没机会咯...你已经不再写了...突然发现自己改变了...变的很放纵...好想很有勇气这样...是因为你离开了所以我想用方法去麻醉自己吗? 我也不知道...又再想不知道你回来会不会找我出去咧...真想见到你...多希望你在和我玩游戏...对我说只是想吓下你...不是和你分手的...我真傻...也害怕不知道这么面对你...很怕自己看到你会做出傻事...我真的不想再把我们的关系边的恶劣...因为你在我心中真的很重要...习惯了每次log in facebook 都会看你的profile一下...不想失去你的心还是很强...我不知道我能不能打败它...也许只能要你给我多些时间...好让我不再烦你骚扰你...至少可以给你一些安静的生活...但是如果有一天你回心转意...我依然会等你...因为我知道和明白...我真的真的很爱你...

10th

2010-04-26T01:47:00.002+08:00

finaly gt ur confession last nite...gt all my doubts cleared...although some of them r realy hurt...bt...its wad i asked for...becoz i wanted to know the truth...i believe after the confession...she wudnt wan to c me anymore in her life...for i have been perhaps the most hateful guy she has ever met...im sorry...i have hurt u...stil rmb i said i wont force u to do somtg u wunt do...bt i did dis time...u asked me to let go...i tried...bt i couldnt...even if u don love me anymore...even if u love some1 else...i stil love u...i tried to get u bk...bt seems my position is longer the old 1 in ur heart...perhaps u wana erase me in ur heart...everything u said last nite was realy hurt...the most is u said u love some1 else...i realy wana noe who dat is n find some1 to bagged him n throw him under the mountain...i realy would...bt...i noe...if dis were to happen...u wud hate me forever...even though u ardy have hate me...bt i wudnt...coz...i noe...if dis were to happen...u will be very very sad...dats something i realy dowan to c...i once tot dat maybe giving u time to cooldown cud recover our relationship...bt seems i was wrong...i have gone way down to beg u to recover...bt u said no...impossible...from dat moment...i knew...u have no 0.01% love in me...dis realy kills me...for every moment every word every promises we had...its all gone...bt i couldnt blame u...im the 1 to blame...i stil rmb u wanted a bf dat cares for u so much...i wanted to be dat guy...n seem it turn out dat im being annoying n controlling perhaps...which makes u lost the feel in me...n i couldnt even sense it...stupid me...bt its too late now...i have lose u totaly...many ppl wud think...y still fall for a gal like dis? who treats u dis bad even u treat her good? i asked myself...i duno y...i said...its becoz i realy realy love her wif my heart...i give my 120% to love her...bt seem dat 120% juz turn out to be ineffective...silly me stil tot...maybe now she has no feel bk towards me...hw bout i wait for few months...or maybe 1-2 years later...n find her again...maybe we can start all over again...i duno...i keep asking ppl...izzit dat if someone doesnt accept a new one into their heart...the old 1 wudnt be gone? no ppl could answer me...bt i think...perhaps the new one for me will still remain her...i duno...i couldnt think anymore...tony blair said...those who r succesful r those wif open mind n willing to change...i guess i have to do dat...at least it will make her feel better...she tot she is a sinner to me...for hurting me...yes she hurts me...bt to me...she is not a sinner...i am...for i couldnt deliver the happiness to her wif my hands...n i tot...maybe its time for me to set her free...n let her search for her own happiness...eventhough im so reluctant to do it...bt if its dat will make her happy...i will do it...i woudl say...if i being sad alone can be exchange for her happiness...i rather remain forever sad...i noe she wont be reading dis...bt if by any chance she does...i juz wan u to noe...JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN...i stil love u...if someday u were to change ur mind n come bk to me...i would spread my hands n hug u...bt if u were to find another guy dat gives u happiness...i will pray for u...for u found ur happiness...I LOVE U FOREVER JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN !!!

overturn

2010-04-23T22:09:00.002+08:00

dis morning very happy...coz 9am+ receive ur msg...finally can receive ur msg...hahaha...realy happy...was thinking...is things changing? u don hate me as much as u did b4? we can be normal frens back? sending msg to each other wen free? bt i juz doesnt seem dat way...tot u will msg me bk wen u done work...bt u didnt...asked u...bt seem u replied coldly...disappointed n sad...realy sad...duno wad to do...my heart feel sarks...i wish i could scream out loud...or maybe talk to pooh pooh about it...as i usualy do...adopted dis habit frm u...i noe wenever u r sad...u will talk to baby pooh...its juz u...so long din listen to ur voice liao...hw i wish u will call me now n talk to me...even if its rubbish or scoldings...juz wana listen to ur voice so much now...bt i noe...u wont call me...u wont answer my calls...aiiz...is our relationship juz gona end like dis? no turning back? sometimes i keep on asking myself...y has things turn like dis? izzit becoz i don care enuf for u? im not good enuf? or izzit dat ur heart couldnt fit me anymore?was thinking if we could get back 2gt after some cooldown time...if u were still single by then...maybe my persistent heart can make u change ur mind...i duno...bt i hope so...the congress were bored...2mr n sunday stil have 2 sessions...duno can i make it o nt...realy boring...aiiz...if u were stil there for me...i would have easily make it tru...sometimes i think back...y sudenly we turn from sweet couple into 2 different strangers? Y? can anyone tell me? i realy wish to noe...after all...i stil think dat our break up juz come too sudden...n im stil not clear of the reasons...there r still too many things on my mind...reasons of break up...can we get back 2gt...do u stil love me...do u realy have another guy...many more...i realy wish to find out...bt at the same time...im afraid...if the truth is something i don wish it would be or cant accept it...i duno whether can i still stand alive...realy wish dat u would go yam cha wif me...duno will i have the chance to meet u wen u come bk later...i wish i could c tru ur heart...if only u will tell me...juz wad actualy r u thinking...i realy wan to noe...

7th day

2010-04-23T01:47:00.003+08:00

今天心情还好...上了kl...有点后悔...但也不能做什么...突然好想她...好想知道她下个月几时回来...但她不愿和我说...aiiz...真不知道我们会变成怎么样...如果能回到以前就好啦...但是不能拉...朋友也不错...但不知道她愿不愿意...真的很想她...有点不习惯...以前我的电话没天都响...现在没咯...她没再sms我了...要走了...要回hotel了...今天只能写这少...明天再来...我依然想你...希望明天她会告数我...

6th

2010-04-22T13:02:00.003+08:00

skip class 2day...very tired...went back to sleep after wake up at 9am...woke up earlier juz now around 12pm+...had a very strange dream...i duno y i have dis dream...is the dream giving me a hint? im so confused...the dream was like dis...
i went to sumwhere wif her...it was her relation house...stayed there...then sudenly dinner time...everybody was eating...another bunch of relatives came...n joined the dinner...after dat she was at outside the house...n im inside...finding a way to get out...bt duno y...seems like a challenging task...it was like if i get out dat time...sumtg will happen...then sudenly she was back in the house...finding my car key...the key has drips of red liquid...like wax...eww...then she wen n get the car...bt im stil in the house...lastly...found a way to get out...was hiding near the dining room...then sudenly her mum saw me...told me to get out tru the lawn...using a small 3 year old bicycle...cycle to the garage n change shoes...lolz...then finaly able to get in the car wif her...the end...
lolz...realy a strange dream...if we haven break up...for sure dis is an interesting topic...bt too bad...in the last part of the dream...there were a strange part...after 6 months of break up...we were able to sit down n have a drink...dat time...she requested to make up again...be 2gt again...is dis some kind of symptoms?
dat i stil have a chance wif her? most of my frens say...缘分是要自己争取的...does dis mean i sud find her n request geting bk 2gt? realy confused...duno wad to do...realy afraid if i realy did it...she would hate me more...

5th

2010-04-22T03:44:00.003+08:00

juz reach home...so tired...bt i insisted on blogging...haha...coz cant blog for few days later...going to kl to listen to motivation talk about business...2day my mood is ok...wun say sad...juz miss her alot...common though...went out to takei earlier then head to fren house...my fren asked me to go =.= go there help her in her studies...ok lo...went...had a good session...help her out in her ACCA business studies...tried our best...had quite some fun...talk about many things as well...suddenly a topic came up...love...n i was mentioned...asked me about my dear n things...showed her the pic...dis oso hurts me as i c her pic...i begin to think of our memories...aiiz...cant do anytg...she is gone...got a bit emo...since it was late...we decided to go home...on the way back...talk to my fren about it...told him hw i felt n think...maybe in his heart he wil think im silly...or maybe not...bt...i noe wad im thinking n doing...maybe its useless for me to blog every now n then...coz no ppl will read...i dun care...coz i noe there might be a chance dat she will read...although i duno...bt i stil felt...she stil has feelings on me...ppl saying she has another up there...although it hurts me wen i heard dat...bt i have choosen to believe dat she don...maybe she realy has no feel towards me...i have been tru it...the pass days where she left me for genting...i tot i lost the feel...bt...its juz a mere wrong thinking...its becoz i haven met her for sometime...n i juz couldnt react wen she returns...i duno hw she felt...duno whether izzit real dat she has no feel on me or she felt the same as i did last time...or maybe...i duno...as much as i wanted to noe...i cant...maybe keep it unreveal is oso a good thing...i duno whether the true is good or bad...all i ever think now is...can we at least be normal frens back? at least avoidance can be avoided...juz felt she is avoiding me...maybe she duno hw to face me...or maybe she stil loves me n dowan to get hurt...there could be posibilities...i duno which they r...the truth is...she noes it...if she stil has the feeling on me...she will read my post...maybe i can juz wait till god or she is willing to give me another chance...

4th day

2010-04-20T23:05:00.002+08:00

settle jor the accident...bt still not feel well...a fren...aiiz...cant do anytg more...have done my best...realy dowan to get into these matters anymore...she replied my msg...haha...kinda happy...although the content was not sumtg to be happy about...she agreed to return the ring...bt duno how...aiiz...look bk the msgs she sent me...sudenly tot of sumtg...although i duno its real o nt...bt i choose to tell myself to believe dat...she broke wif me...its not a bad thing...she can get her freedom...she is happy...maybe she has no feel on me...bt...its not neccesary she has another 1...becoz...she told me...maybe she wil regret breaking wif me...bt...she juz wan to be single for now...which makes me think dat...she is stil single...at least for now...or for a long period to go...although i duno will we have anymore chance of geting back 2gt in the long future...bt i have choose to believe dat after breaking up wif me...she will be more happier compare to the time being wif me...my fren told me...a way to maintain a relationship is to not so bother...bt i told him...u r totaly wrong...i care for our relationship so much...n wen i began to let loose a bit...i end up breaking...its sad though...bt i cant be sad forever...i believe she wudnt wan to c me sad forever...so i told myself...even if i cant have her n i choose to love her within my heart...i need to get back up...she mite stil feel sorry for me...for hurting me...bt if i can get up back fast enuf...it may remove her burden...bt i duno can i do it...2day is better than ytd...realy emo ytd...bt 2day...stil ok...at least wen i receive her msg...i din emo...bt our old memories stil bring me back to our olden days of sweetness...i keep telling myself...if memories r the 1 dat trigger ur depression...make them into sumtg dat activates ur happiness...kinda work...wen i think dat our happy moments r wad we have n not wad we left after breaking up...it does feel better...even i duno whether she stil reads my blog...bt if she does...i hope dat she dont have to keep thinking dat she has done great damage to me...becoz...if u r happy without me...i sud be happy for u...becoz frm the beginning til the end...all i ever wanted was for u to be happy...if u r happy without me...i sudnt be too sad without u...

低落

2010-04-20T13:53:00.002+08:00

今天真的很不开心...昨晚撞车...朋友的车...真的不想搞到他...他和他的女朋友...因为我知道...吵架不是一件好事...我只想把事情搞顶...但我没能力...如果你还在我身边多好...你一定能够把我安慰...真的很想听到你的声音...好想打给你...但我知道...你一定不会接我电话...我也不敢要求你接我电话...如果能够接到你的电话那就好了...真的死都愿意...但是...不可能吧...哈哈...不知道你在做什么...好想发个短讯给你...真的不知道可以怎么做...刚受到她的短讯...她说...我不能和你出去...因为有事...其实我也知道她不会和我出去的...因为我把我们的关系...弄的很"酱"...我只想...她会给回我送她的ring...因为哪对我的意义很大...曾以为能用它把她绑着...但原来要走的也是会走的...我只想我剩下的爱...放进那一对的ring...把它们永远留在身边...至少让我自己骗自己...她的灵魂还在我的身边...在等她的回复...不知道她会不会给回我...不知道我还能撑多久...我希望我不会再自杀...因为我不想我的朋友和家人伤心...但是连我自己都不能担保...虽然我的第一次自杀失败了...只是弄伤了我的手...如果这世界有记忆抹掉水就好了...好让我可以忘记过往而重新开始...我的朋友都叫我忘记她吧...但我知道我不能...因为说真的...她在我心里面已经深深的住下来...不能拔掉...虽然她说的对我没感觉和有了第二个男人...我不知道这些是真或假...我只知道...你不爱我...不代表我不能爱你...不管怎样...她的位置是不会改变的...我永远都爱你黎佩贤!!!

3rd day w/o u

2010-04-20T00:45:00.002+08:00

its the 3rd day since we break up...still sad...i tot i could pass tru 2day happily...going to cameron in the morning...was good all the way...bt an accident totaly spoil it...bang my fren's gf car...totaly no mood jor for every1...even me...i spoiled every1 mood...aiiz...began to think dat m i worthless in dis world anymore? try to suicide last nite...bt failed...morning spoil every1 mood for a good trip...damn...maybe i sud juz leave the world for good...making all my frens worry bout me...if i can make a wish...i wish dat i was never brought to dis world...she told me she had another 1 at genting...hurts...was stil thinking not to give up n head for genting to find her...bt i guess...its not neccessary...although i duno its true o nt...if can...i realy wan to c her...bt i don think i will have the chance anymore...still tot i could die last nite...bt coward me don even dare to cut my arteries...juz able to do merely few scracthes on my arm...i tot i could ignore her 2day...bt...juz a small post on fb is enuf to make me remember our old memories...hw i wish i can hug her n cry now...i wonder if she realy is telling me the truth...bt i don deserve the ability to find out...perhaps all i could do...is juz to let it bury deep in my heart...she is coming back at may...duno will she find me o nt...as she says she wana return my debts...duno will she return tru banking, f2f or ask her family to hand to me...no point to think...even i duno she gt listen to my recordings last nite...bt i noe it wun make any differences...aiiz...juz can let time pass...although i cant have her...bt i can love her in my heart...supporting her juz in my heart...not giving her any trouble...

to the end

2010-04-18T19:53:00.004+08:00

very emo 2day...found out something...something important...even i duno hw to handle it...she avoided me ytd...realy sad...m i being annoying? a disturbance o nuisance? i duno...its juz dat...i cant accept it...had to work at 9.30am 2day...realy tired...n no mood...was showing my black face to all customers...n worst till...din eat anytg at all...trying to kill myself wif hunger...lame...a person can oni die of hunger 4 days...hw could i die...my frens keep consult me after the break up...i tried to pretend strong...they asked me go sing K ytd...went...sang quite a lot of songs...bt in the end...cried infront of them...holding the hp n cried...uncontrolably...its been 1 day since she doesnt text me...stil rmb those days...we use to text each other everyday...bt...it doesnt seem to happen now...been thinking...she realy doesnt have the feelings ardy? our old memories? encounters? i duno...juz felt dat...everytime i come bk here...tend to look into her post...which makes me drop tears everytime i read...i wanted to control...n respect her...bt i juz cant...thinking about dat she is no longer wif me...it juz pushes my tears...i duno wad she is thinking now...perhaps i will never noe...bt...if i ever have a chance to confront her...i will get it even if it takes me to do anytg...coz im clear...she is my everything...all i noe is...if she stil reads my blogs...she stil have the feeling...if she don...then perhaps...

想清楚了

2010-04-18T03:10:00.002+08:00

还接受不了分手的事实...哎...这次她真的很坚决...没得回头了...真的很伤心...虽然我很不愿意分手...但是没办法...她说她已经不爱我了...没感觉了...真的很伤...开始乱想东西...听了很多闲言闲语...很不开心...但是...最后我还是想通了...也许我应该尊重她的决定...因为我知道和明白...她这个决定做的不容易...所以我选择了接受...至少她还把我当成朋友...有个朋友问我...你还爱她吗? 我说...我依然还爱她...他说...爱...不一定要拥有...爱可以默默的支持...我懂了...虽然她不再爱我了...但是她没权力阻止我爱她...爱...不一定需要拥有...朋友也可以爱...不知道是不是我的错觉...总觉得她对我还有感觉...但是我也不能追问...现在我所顾虑的是...我们见到面时...她会逃避我吗? 她答应我会和我吃饭看戏唱歌...她会做到吗? 我们还能够好像以前这样吗? 我真的不知道...希望她不会对我有防意...佩贤...虽然我真的很想和你再一起...但我会尊重你的意愿...我也希望你尊重我的意愿...

juz for U to read

2010-04-17T02:29:00.003+08:00

yestersay was realy a hard day for me...she said she wan to break up wif me...she say she has no feel to me...it hurts...it realy does...i juz cant accept it...we have been tru so much...i tot we can make it till the end...bt...god doesnt seem to place us dat way...my heart hurts...i duno wad to do...i realy tot of killing myself at dat moment...taking a knife n cutting my atteries...let the blood flow til morning...done...bt i lack the bravery to do so...its juz i cant accept it...she say she has no feel towards me...bt the day b4 she went bk to genting...she hug me n cry...dat feeling was so real...bt now...she say everything is over...it can never be over...she want me to release her...bt...u think it will be so simple? its not...its not we have juz known each other 2day n forget 2mr...we have been 2gt for 10 months...but...y does it have to go dis way...i began to think...no feel to me? can it be? i dun think so...izzit becoz of other reason? izzit becoz she wans to work permanent at genting...n thus she will have less time coming home...she doesnt wan me to suffer? so she decided to let the pain be short rather than a long 1? dear...i realy dowan to lose u...u noe hw much i love u...i realy do...u r not willing to accept my calls...dat makes me more painful...at least u can let me talk to u...or letting me noe the actual happenings...i tot of calling ur mum n asked about u...bt i sked u will dislike...so i din do so...im realy crumbling...u wan me to let u go...bt who will let me go? can the feel juz be gone juz like dat? u once said...we can be forever...u wont leave me...bt...at least i juz wish dat we have time to cooldown...n decide this wen u return to ipoh...at least u can give me a chance to get back the relationship...although the chances r low...if u realy insist on leaving me...at least u can give me an official break up...talk to me face to face...pull the trigger infront of me...n let me die...or at least u can juz tell to me in hp call...i duno wen u will read dis...bt...i juz wish wen u read dis...its not too late...becoz i will regret...losing u...my most loved one...

self emo

2010-04-06T00:41:00.002+08:00

haha...my dear came bk le...realy happy to c her...bt soon oso gt emo...aiiz...duno y...i juz cant control myself...thinking too much...dam...zzzz...i wish i can be more self control...bt i cant...perhaps its a common thing every guy faces...disliking their gf to get too close wif ppl they duno or more specificly other guys beside themselves...too bad i shared the same opinion...izzit a bad 1? i realy duno...juz noe dat will get realy emo wen she goes out wif other guys...even though its a bunch of ppl...aiiz...realy wish i can change it...i tot i was different...able to accept...bt in the end...im juz another normal guy who wans to keep their gf to themselves...i admit...i dislike n jealous wen dear goes out wif other guys...although to her its juz a normal gathering...even the guys had no bad intention...bt i juz tend to think too much...more than it will realy be...im so sked dat my actions will coz our relationship to go wrong...i realy dowan to lose her...maybe even myself duno hw much madly im into her...aiiz...juz had the feeling of losing her everytime or during the time she's nt wif me...maybe im too selfish...juz wan to keep her to myself...indirectly confiscate her freedom...dis is a realy bad thing...i realy dowan it to happen...i noe her heart wont change...perhaps im being too protective...aiiz...im sorry dear...bt i juz wan to say...sometimes i realy dislike wen i receive ur msgs late...it gives me no 安全感...im sorry...for being mean at times wen im emo...hope dat u will c dis post...although i duno wen will it be the time...

if only...

2010-03-27T01:30:00.002+08:00

2day is a tiring day...class early in the morning...work in the evening til late nite...gosh...tired...felt very uneasy 2day...juz wish to receive n reply a few more messages...bt don have the time to...aiiz...finished work at 12.30am+...text dear...bt her reply were slow...duno wad she is doing though...perhaps watching movie...got emo...aiiz...sometimes i juz wish to c her name appear more often in my hp screen...bt things often don go so easy...posted emo things at fb again...she got real fed up...scolded me...no resistance...sometimes perhaps im juz missing her too much...sud i learn to control dat? i don think i can...i realy duno...sometimes i force her to send me photos of hers...not becoz i want to make her do something she reluctant to...bt i juz wish to c her latest face...at least i would help me go on till the day she reaches home where i could meet her in real life...maybe wad i did n think irritates her...im sorry dear...maybe u will wont c dis post...or maybe duno when u will...i juz wish u to noe...i have never change frm the day u r in ipoh...till the day u r at genting working for 3 months...sometimes i juz wish im born in a super rich family...then i can stop working or studying n juz permanently be beside u...forever n after...bt the time god created human...life is seldom easy...there r things n road we gota go tru...i can juz pray...our road is hard n bumby now...may our future road be smooth n last forever...

countdown 17 days

2010-03-18T00:37:00.002+08:00

juz reach home after went out yam cha wif jayson...had a funny nite...hearing him on phone wif his fren...haha...their conversation were funny...spend about 1 hour+ at kopitiam...kinda tired though...bt nt feel like sleeping...send him home after our yam cha session...as usualy would head back home alone...bt nt using the usual road i used to travel...purposely pass by dear house...along the lonely street...our pass memories re-appear...think back our old days...at the very beginning of our relationship...use to send her back at nite like dis...after our sweet time...hw good if she here now...realy wanted to hug her n nt let go...bt couldnt do dat now...aiiz...so miss her...duno y...sudenly felt dat i don have the courage to tell her...bt even though i tell her oso...it wun change anything...so mite as well juz keep in the heart...aiiz...very emo...juz saw the new sem timetable...it sarks horibly...monday to friday oso almoz full...niama...totaly juz left nite to accompany my dear T___T...i realy dowan like dis a !!! aiiz...so sad...

a triggering song

2010-03-05T14:56:00.002+08:00

so bored 2day...facing the same problem again...aiiz...invited my collegemate for lunch...discuss about the problem...a little relief after talking wif him...heard a very triggering song...lolipop xiao yu's 只要你还记得...there was a part saying...wround in love is the 1 u will rmb the most...dis triggered the scene where my dear said she wana break wif me at a particular nite...a very sad nite for me...stil rmb the scene of dat nite...the impact on me...crying in the car...realy miss her now...although i noe she is busy at genting...wif her own work n situations to handle...bt i realy wish dat i could juz hug her for a moment now...i noe i couldnt change the fact of her leaving...bt...at least i wish to give her a big hug b4 she leaves...a hug which represents i will be the 1 for u wenever u need a ppl to spare a hug n time to listen n speak...i couldnt ask for more...as i don possessed the ability n authority to...juz 1 big hug would be enuf...juz wish dat the day b4 she returns bk to genting...i can give her a big hug...sometimes i noe im juz not the 100% bf i can be...bt i will try to give 120% of wad she needs in my possibilities n ability...felt she realy change a lot...became realy mature compared to b4 leaving my side n head to the cruel world of community...haha...kinda relief...bt sometimes im oso worried...worried of the threats she may face n so do i...flowers attract wild butterflies no matter where they r...aiiiz...nothing i can do...perhaps i have done all i could...tot of a sentence...你没权力去选择你要的爱...但你可以选择你要爱的人...if she's the 1 you will choose...then acceptance muz be given no matter hw reluctant it can get...i will choose to accept all dat may come...becoz i noe...she will be the 1 dat i will love for dis life...

envy

2010-03-01T01:06:00.002+08:00

2day is kinda tired...slepy quite late last nite...then have to wake up early to get ready for work...9.30am ticket box ~.~ ...well...there's ntg to do bout it...have to go tru it...had a very special envy feeling 2day...saw many family...or to be specific is parents bringing their children to come n buy ticket...juz watching them having such a sweet time while discussing about tickets makes me envy...wonder if i can have such a happy moment in the future...haha...bt all i can do is juz envy...frankly speaking i realy don have 100% confidence...perhaps distance is realy creating a wall of its own...i noe dis situation is unevitable...bt i realy hope i can change it...too bad i cant...aiiz...juz come bk frm yam cha...in the session we mention a similiar topic...1 dat i don realy wan to mention about...singapore...few days bk dear told me she will be leaving for singapore...n my fren told me he tot of working at singapore...another 1 said "i will be going to singapore for vacation"...bt me...aiiz...duno wad to say...for the moment...i juz wish dear can come bk as soon as posible n stay wif me as long as posible...realy don dare to think of family now...sked dat i will make a mistake if im unable to control...

25th february 2010

2010-02-25T13:28:00.002+08:00

2day is an important day for many ppl...its the stpm results release day...of coz its important for my dear as well...she msg me at sharp 12pm...asking me whether have my class finish...i haven...she wan me to help he check the results...awile later...she text me no need to check...i asked y...she said...don ask...=(...at the moment i can guess...she would have found out her results...n it doesnt seem to be very well frm her reaction...begin to worry about her...totaly lost concentration in class...wasnt even paying attention to the lecturer...rush back home after class...she send me her result via sms...she was wondering whether would she be qualified for local u...later then...she told me...she would be going to singapore...as soon as posible...dis strikes me...real hard...bt frm the pass i noe dis could happen...bt juz din expect dat it would hit me dat hard...realy duno wad to do now...if i were to said its ok i understand...perhaps its juz a word to make my dear feel better...i had rather i suffer everything than to let her feel bad...realy down now...duno whether wana attend class n work later o nt...realy nt in the condition...dear...i realy noe y u wanted to head out to singapore...i noe its for ur future...bt pls forgive me...for my crunch of after hearing u said dat...forgive me for being sad n depressed...for it realy hard for me to let u go once again...1st time to genting n now to singapore...couldnt bare the feeling dat my heart is being tear down...its not ur fault...its juz dat im weak...still couldnt accept it...don feel bad wen u c dis post...becoz i noe i don have the courage to tell u dis face to face...i can juz post it out so u will have a chance to noe...promise me...wen u head out to singapore...u muz take good care of urself...i realy duno wad to type anymore...promise me 1 last thing...u will still be mine wen u return...for i will be urs no matter where u r...i realy love u...

tough dilemma

2010-02-22T00:00:00.002+08:00

2day is 年初八...everyone will be at home waiting for 12am to 拜天公...except for me...went out wif kenny earlier n enjoyed a few dota games...on the way home...saw a lot of houses wif preparations to celebrate dis once a year chinese event...bt not for me...dis year...im alone in the house...listening to the sounds of fireworks played by those who celebrates the event...suddenly tot bk the past things of mine n my dear...our happy moments...realy miss those days...at the same time...i have decided...i wanted to quit the ING insurance job...dis decision has bothered me for quite some time coz i have too much circumstances to think bout...most importantly...i have to consider a feeling of my one very best fren...bt guess dis time i will have to dissappoint him...i have decided to quit...cant say quit...i have not even properly started...exact saying is...i wanted to stop...its nt hard to go on wif the job...bt...one thing i consider the most is time...im studying now in the morning n working at nite...most of my time will be spend on these...if i were to go on wif the insurance job...i would likely have not much time...even to spend...i noe dat time is very important...n i wanted more time wif my dear...she will juz have a few days holiday bk in ipoh...if i were to cont wif the job...i would definitely have no time to accompany her as i noe...the job eats portion of my time...i dowan dat to happen...i noe i have promise my dear i would work hard for our future...bt looking upon the future...2day...i have started to crumble...for the moment...i juz wana spend most of my time wif my most love one...my dear...although i duno whether she would support my decision...bt anyway...i have decided...im sorry dear...pls forgive my immatureness...for my love on u is too deep...forgive me...im sorry...

worries

2010-02-21T01:23:00.002+08:00

2day is a tiring day...work n work...zzz...she told me dat the results r coming out on 25th of feb...which is a few more days...ever since she has been tension...worrying bout the results...though i tried to consult her...bt i guess i don provide much help...i can understand her feelings...bt i have been worrying bout her...the stress of work + the tension of results...to her it will be very deadly...she cant take much stress...although i duno hws her now...bt i can imagine her condition =( it wouldnt be good...it makes me worried...duno hws she doing...aiiz...i wish i can be by her side now...juz can hope dat she's all fine...she couldnt get to check her results...so i will have to check for her on the particular day...2mr still gota work...aiizz...realy feel like stopping everything...n juz accompany her...bt i couldnt...looking at the photos we taken 2gt at genting...it makes me miss her more T__T sometimes things can be use to cure the sick of miss may juz brings the deeper miss in ur heart...where the cure becomes the fatal poison...dear...i noe hw u feel...i have been tru it b4...all i can do now is juz to ask u to relax n calm down...which will provide juz no help at all...im sorry dear...im alwiz nt by ur side wen u need some1 to support u =(...i juz can pray n wish alone here...for ur health n wealth to be fine...dear i MISS YOU !!!

most happy genting trip

2010-02-19T02:08:00.002+08:00

well...i tot dis year...im gona spend the cny time a little bit meaningless...bt guess i was wrong...even though my dear went bk to genting...guess wad...im going to genting too hahahaha...went on the 17th =) although i can only get to c her at nite...bt we had a very good belated anniversary nite...one dat i will rmb for my whole life...after dinner wif my family...each group of ourselves head out for own happy moments...my dad n mum head towards the casino...my sister's family head to the playground...me n dear had a little walk around genting...enjoy our sweet moments 2gt...plan to watch movie bt the seats where sold out...so we head bk to the hotel room n had a short rest...then we continue our sweet happy walk in genting...realy enjoyed the time wif her...gave her the present i bought for her...was glad dat she like the present...although i duno whether she noes the true meaning of me giving the present...not juz as a valentine or anniversary or CNY present...the presents itself means important...the receiver is to be the most important person of the presenter...well...she is...to me...haha...we had a lot of fun...went to take sticker pictures...then enjoy some of the games in the playground...realy happy to c her smile n laugh so happily...although im juz there for 1 day...its enuf for me...juz to get to c her n hug her...i juz have to wait 17 more days...the its her holiday...which means i will get to be wif her for dat moment again =D...cant wait till then...dear...take good care of urself...i will wait another 17 days...although 17 days is not a long period to say...bt for me its kinda long enuf...bt i will wait till it comes...dear...i love u will all my heart...

CNY + valentine

2010-02-13T23:50:00.002+08:00

dis year is a very special year...its very rare to be able to meet 1st day of CNY n Valentine day on the same day...more like i haven seen it b4...supposed to be a very happy year and day for many ppl...bt i can say not very likely for me...well...say so becoz most of the ppl get to be 2gt wif their most loved one on the particular day...2bad im not...i cant be wif her...its our 1st Valentine and CNY...aizz...sad...hw i wish she is wif me...where we can spend the eve 2gt n have our 1st countdown 2gt...bt dat juz wudnt happen...she's in genting while im at ipoh...though im geting to meet her soon...bt i guess it wudnt feel the same...bt theres ntg i can do bout it...perhaps fate have put us into this position...realy miss her now...wonder wad she's thinking now...i guess it would be calculation n work...hahaha...aiiz...realy wish a miracle could happen...poof she is infront of me...nah...there aint so much miracle...stil have to move on...3 mins more to CNY...n im lonely in the house...never tot dat i wil spend my eve countdown alone in the house...facing my pc n blogging here...dear...do u noe hw much i miss u now? see-ing many ppl spending their day 2gt wif their love one 2day puts my heart to depression...bt i guess dis is a path dat we have to walk...theres nothing much i can complain...bt i juz hope dat...i cant spend dis valentine n CNY wif u...i wish dat the rest of the other valentine n CNY...i can spend all of them wif u...the rest of valentine n CNY in my life...dear i love u <3 pls take good care of urself...alwiz rmb...no matter u r in genting,ipoh or anywhere else...i will be in a region in ur heart <3

greater than usual

2010-02-10T11:08:00.002+08:00

2day she told me in the morning...her body is very itchy...i guess perhaps its due to the bed cover or blanket being dirty...had some msgs wif her...she said she wana go c doctor...till around 8am+...felt asleep...woke up around 10am =( she told me the doctor wouldnt give her mc coz she is not sick...wtf...n her mum told her try to work 2day...ever since she told me dat she turn wierd...i duno wad her mum told her in their phone talk...bt i noe it affects her greatly...great dao she is totaly moody...called her around 10am+...1st time she hang up my call wen we r talking...i juz asked her...u dowan rest? she said...u all duno hw i suffer don talk so many la !!! she hang up then...i was shock...dis had never happen...i realise then...she had very unhappy...call bk her...her mood was depressed...perhaps is tired + was her mum told her...aiiz...she said...i wan sleep la...later wan work...don fan me la...my heart was broken...geting the sentence " 不要反烦我" juz hurts me deeply...i replied...i duno wad happen between u n ur mum...i juz noe u r sad now =( im sorry i cant help =( i wish to tell her...dear...juz resign...don care wad others say...i dowan to keep c u suffer like dis...1st there was stress...2nd there were idiotic roomates...3rd unsuitable condition...i cant even get to noe hw u r there T__T
bt i juz lack the bravery to do so...aiiz...im juz too weak...dear...hw i wish i can have u bk here at ipoh...

starry nite

2010-02-09T00:16:00.002+08:00

its a starry nite...juz reach home after the monthly TGV staff meeting...supper for 2day was...KFC...so long din had KFC...haha...ate 3 pieces =x...kinda full...upon reaching home...saw my mum's car park at outside...so i decided to re-park the car inside the house...looked at the sky...many many stars...sudenly a memorable scene pop out in my head...it was the scene...wen i was in the car wif my dear the old days...where we had a nite of car roaming around ipoh...dat nite...she kissed me...it was her 1st to me...haha...my dear had been away again for 2 days...her 2 days was hard...kinda worry bout her...bt i couldnt do anytg...head my mum told me ytd...she said "Boy,u wan go genting on the 17th o nt?" i was like...genting? sure !!! i exclaimed...my mum said...haha...ur sis said u would go dis time...coz pui sian is at genting...i was...yeah...i can meet my dear...kinda not use to not having her by my side...although she was juz here last week...bt still i miss her...ppl told me dat meeting up everyday wif ur love one will make ur relationship unwell...bt to me...it was juz the opposite...not see-ing her for 1 day makes me think of her all day...perhaps she is juz too important to me...she told me she wans to come bk...resign frm the job...she was stressful..in my heart...i realy wish she come bk here...return to my side...bt i juz couldnt say it out...i cant be so selfish...juz coz i miss her wana c her everyday...i cant make her come bk...although i noe she is having hard time there...her family have expectations on her...she is juz too scared to dissappoint them...bt sometimes dissappointment exist...there is juz too much of a human can do...well at least u had try ur best...its alrite to give up...lucky my dear tot of so =)...i realy dowan her to suffer...she is unhappy at genting...1 dat working enviroment juz give her too much stress...another is having bad roomates...aiiz...cant help her...if oni i have a good job in hand...able to provide her neccesaries...i can have the bravery to ask her...stop the job...come bk n marry me...marry me n be my laopo...stay wif her n never leave me...bt i juz couldnt now...not for my position and abilities now...bt i would try my best to get into the suitable n appropriate possibilites to give her happiness and necessaries...dear i love u...i will wait for u...even if it takes how long n hw many hardness i have to go tru...i juz wish dat u will be return to me...no matter where u have gone to...my hearts n love will alwiz be urs

miss

2010-02-06T08:05:00.002+08:00

my dear left ipoh...again...went bk to genting...realy miss her...although i get to meet her all the 5 days she was in ipoh...bt for me...i think our time 2gt was juz 1 day...maybe it was juz like the old sayings...don c 1 day equals 3 springs...i haven met her for almoz a month...guess hw many springs there were...5 days juz aint enuf for me...bt no choice...dats juz the time she had...saw her cried last nite b4 sleep...realy hurts me...she asked me nt to cry...well guess i did it 2day...din cry...bt still im sad...promise her wont be emo...bt duno whether i can do it o nt...having my soul away from me for too long can drag the emolizer out of me...cant help it...bt will try my best...sry dear...maybe 1 month is too long for me...gave her the ring dis morning...though i din said wad i plan to...bt i hope the ring can tied and kept us 2gt wen we r apart...hw good if she could stay awile longer...bt theres ntg we can do...din get a chance to be wif her for dis year CNY n valentine...which happens to be on the same day...it doesnt comes often or maybe even seldom...guess dis is fate...bt my heart will alwiz be wif her...no matter where she is or where im...its almoz 8 months...juz 10 more days to go...juz wish i can be wif her on our official 1 year anniversary...time realy passes fast...our relationship had reach nearly 8 months...the scene of our old days newly mated is still deep in my head...those happy moments...real happy moments...bt i guess time flies...nw she is working in genting and im staying in ipoh...studying and working...dear...we cant be 2gt dis CNY and valentine...bt i hope on 16th June 2010...we can stay 2gt...though there is time still to reach dat day...not knowing whether where we both will be...dear...gambateh...i believe we both can go tru dis hard days...real hard days...I LOVE YOU JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN <3

time...aiiz

2010-02-05T00:15:00.003+08:00

its friday now...aiiz...time realy flies...duno hw to say...its ardy 4 days she came bk...bt to me...it was juz like ytd...duno wad to say...is realy happy moments have to pass so fast? realy no idea...realy wish i could have more time wif her...maybe time could juz turn back or rewind...bt too bad it couldnt...though time passes...bt the feelings never change...although it mite nt be as the same last time...perhaps changes took place...though i duno where and when...maybe departure for almoz 1 month does make difference...realy miss her wen she is out of my sight...especially wen she is bk in ipoh...bt i could be wif her 24 hours...i have class...and she need to have some time for her family as well...as much as i wanted to have all her holiday time...bt i couldnt be so selfish and neither i can give her all my time...bt i realy wish dat i can spend all my time wif her...going doing eating watever she loves to...as long as im beside her...dats enuf...as long as i can felt her presence...she will be leave saturday morning...which means...aiiz...dowana say it...after friday nite...i will have to wait 1 month or more to get to c her again...which says i will have to led another 1 month zombie life? maybe...hahaha...duno...work and class to make my time go on...perhaps to get my clock ticking...saw her realy tired ytd and 2day...her fatigue looks realy hurts me...im suppose to put a smile on her face...bt i failed...her changed lifestyle due to training and work makes her tired becoz she need to accompany me till late nite =( im sorry dear...i realy wan to spend time wif u...i realy miss u...felt dat she had gone mature upon the days in genting...or maybe im juz not moving forward...still being the old chris chong...sometimes wen i c ppl holding hand or being in romance wen i was working...it realy brings out the memories of us...our sweet days...we use to be such sweet couple the old days...maybe im juz being sensitive...

suprise

2010-02-02T19:15:00.003+08:00

was tired these few days...wanted to rest more...bt couldnt...bt was happy wen i c my dear...stil rmb dat i nearly drop tears wen i saw her face on the 1st she reach ipoh...duno wad to say...bt felt a bit neglected these few days...maybe not having enuf time to spend wif her gua...duno...took a nap 2day...she was having her time on9 n listening songs...wen i woke up...saw her reading my blog...n tears on her face...rush upon to her...saw her using my towel to wipe tears...im sorry dear...then we had to move out to fetch her family...then i realise i lost my ring...search madly for it...bt din found it...aiiz...i tot...bt nvm...head out to become a driver lol...she asked me bout the ring...i was trying to hide...lol...sry dear...don misunderstand...i bought the ring myself...it was a pair...the other 1 is inside my wallet...was planning to put it onto ur finger on the 6th of dis month...where u will be heading bk to genting...plan to take a little time wen waiting for the van...will put the ring onto her finger...and say...i din get to do dis last month...a bit regret =(...bt now...u leave ipoh last month as my gf...bt 2day...i wan dat to change...i wan u to be my laopo...leave as my 2nd half n return to me next month as my 2nd half as well...

9 more days

2010-01-25T22:07:00.002+08:00

2day was a normal day for me...went to class...except dat i don have to work hahaha...went for TigerWooHoo alone dis noon...enjoyed the movie...realy a nice movie from local DJ's...good job Malaysians hahaha...was thinking...if my dear were to watch wif me...she would have drop tears at a few parts of the movie...was realy touching...i nearly drop tears as well lolz...then came a message...the message says...she will return to ipoh on 4th of february...how delighted i was dat moment...after so long...i finaly get to c my sweetheart again...realy cant describe my joy dat time...bt the joy din last long...juz went on till my dinner ends...was a bit unhappy wen i din receive her message after some time...i noe i should felt dis way...bt i juz cant control it...maybe she is busy...or have something to do...i juz tot dat at least i could noe...dats all i wished for...i guess its not very over for dat...bt i noe its bad for feeling such...got my sis to lend her the portable dvd player...tot dis would make her life at genting a bit more enjoyable...not juz going for work n heading bk to hostel and rest...as tot i would juz ask her to take it wif her to genting wen she returns there and send it back wen her mum goes to genting to visit her upon CNY...bt dis wasnt wad she wanted...realy dowan to argue over dis kind of matter...realy felt unhappy and upset wenever we argued over matters dat doesnt involved us...something which is over dead materials...realy make me fed up...and dis situation will juz lead me to another...emo...aiiz...realy upset n sad now...duno wad i can do...sometimes matter got out of hands...out of my hands...beyond things dat i can do...sometimes i felt im juz too timid...perhaps useless...sometimes these emo feelings will lead me to think...wad m i good for in dis world? perhaps juz a normal guy whom alwiz make his family worry and sad? or a useless bf who cant make his other half happy? i realy cant make a choice...im suppose to be happy 2day...bt....juz duno y god put a turn over my feelings 2nite...if can...someone juz run over me with a vehicle or something...and perhaps i can whispered into the wind juz like dat...sorry dear...i noe u will felt very bad wen u read dis...

DAY 14

2010-01-21T00:35:00.002+08:00

very emo 2day...duno y...though i enjoy a good dota game dis noon...has a relax class...bt juz sudenly...i felt opposite...think back a lot of things we do last time...she has been away for 2 weeks...away frm me for 2 weeks...these days had been hard for me n her...realy hard...miss her a lot 2day...more than i used to...duno y...aiiz...realy sked...im afraid that the coming future may not be as expected...im afraid that we may have changed...no idea y the thought came to my head...im afraid that the changes may cause us to go different path...i realy don hope dat it will happen...i noe dat she will be sad wen she read dis post...bt...sry dear...sometimes im realy afraid dat u may have changed wen u return...and i may not catch up wif the "new u"...realy wish she is by my side...though we promised to work hard at each other place...bt sometimes its realy hard...hard to not having u by my side...i miss ur voice...ur laughter...n the most is ur face...u r my motivator my strength...realy living my life nowadays like a zombie...have to use study work n games to keep myself going...juz like a zombie need flesh to move on...i duno wen i will collapse...felt myself cracking...my defense wall...being rush by the loneliness and miss towards u...my endurance is geting weak...hopefully u r back to me b4 i loses the war...dear...i realy miss u...i realy hope dat we can return to the days where we can meet everyday...bt i don have the ability to control time...if i do...i would return time to where we r 2gt every moment...happy and sad...where u r by my side n im by urs...

maybe its the last post

2010-01-16T11:06:00.002+08:00

work up around 10.30am++ dis morning...then i check the hp for msg...found 4 unread msg...the msg were frm my dear...the suprise was the msg saying...i din reply her msg n she wanted to give up on our relationship...NOOOO...dear...i din meant to not reply ur msg...i done working last nite nearly 1am n i tot u were asleep...so i din reply...i dowan to disturb u...bt...i din expect it to lead to dis situation...now u said u were tired of waiting my msg...dear...i realy din mean to not reply ur msg...everything is coincidence...i tried to call bt she was busy training...y has dis happen? does distance n being apart realy can bring more hardness compared to being close? i realy duno...i dowan our relationship to end...NOT FOR A STUPID COINCIDENCE !!! i noe she is realy upset now...i cant call her n explain...aiiz...realy frustated now...f**k...was thinking...wad if we realy ended up breaking up? my life would be meaningless...was even silly enuf to think...i be sad for weeks...then use some time to settle up wad i left to settle...then cut my artery n let blood flow out of me? or juz jump down frm a 10 storey building? realy tot of dying at the moment...ppl may say...its silly to siucide for love...bt for me...rather than losing your most love one...ur other half...is better to die rather to live n suffer for the rest of ur life...realy upset now...couldnot think of much things...i duno wad the outcome would be...bt if it realy goes to a situation dat is not favourable n anything happens to me...dis could be my last msg...dear...i realy love u...dats no lie to it...im 120% sure i love u...bt...if things realy had gone beyond expected...i juz wan u to noe...all the laughter and joy we once had is true...the love i have to offer is all true from me...though i duno whether will u have a chance to read dis...maybe no...bt...if u do...and unfortunate things had happen to me...pls forgive me...i love u now n i will love u till the end of time

DAY 10

2010-01-16T01:07:00.002+08:00

its been 10 days since she had left...im slowly adapting the enviroment dat she is not around me...its realy hard...im missing her all the time...the oni thing dat could numb me is DOTA and work...trying to make myself paralyze wif these 2 things...bt 2day...she called wen i was on the way to work...din expect her to call realy...n i responded cold...upon reaching work...she called again...n again i responded cold...told her i gota rush for work...and hang up...then she sms me...asking whether m i falling for another gal...dat realy hurts me...she says she has no confidence...which realy poke the heart of mine...nearly lost track of my work...i replied...i was worried...worried about things dat is happening around her...i duno wads going on...im nt by her side...not able to protect her from unneccasry disturbance...i duno....if theres any...aiiz...realy don have confidence in myself...sad case...i told her frankly about my feelings...a great confession to make...i duno wad might happen in the future...bt im working hard to work out the future dat i realy wished for...dats to have a actual solid family wif her...im for REAL!!! DEAR WAIT FOR ME !!! ITS NOT FAR FROM THE FUTURE WE BOTH WANTED !! I PROMISE !!!

DAY 7

2010-01-13T02:39:00.003+08:00

juz reach home after a nite hangout wif frens...not realy in the mood coz we lost the last dota game...aiiiz...easily got emo lately...maybe becoz i miss my dear too much...i duno...realy wish she is by my side now...bt we both noe...we have to endure dis...we r working hard now for our future...is gona join then ING insurance group soon...after i complete the exam...duno whether im rite o wrong...the figure of the business attracts me...bt i duno whether im capable of doing so...hopefully i wil have no difficulty doing so...haha...kinda tired...guess i will finish my supper then go sleep...dear...i will try my best not to emo...i will work hard n endure...i will be guai...u oso muz guai...cant cry so easily liao...dear...i miss u so badly...i love u and i will wait for u till u come back...muackz dear <3

DAY 3

2010-01-08T18:54:00.001+08:00

not working 2day...she called me n ask me to send her mum bk to hometown to give something to her fren to deliver to her on saturday...reject my frens for infi to do so...well...in the journey had some small talk wif her mum...and the topic appears to be her things in genting...told her mum bout her in genting...n called her juz now...told her i mention her stuff in genting to her mum...n she gt angry...very angry...well of coz i duno she dowan me to mention it...aiiz...so sad nw...she is so angry...dowan to receive my calls n reply my messages...its wad she will do everytime...bt dis time...the effects towards me is multiplied...my heart really hurts...hurt till i duno wad to say...maybe becoz i miss her too much...not geting to c her for 3 days...she wanted the laptop bt i cant give it to her...my dad need to use it...if its mine surely i can give it...aiiz...i realy duno...heart so pain now...duno wen she will forgive me...so fan now...duno wad i can do...maybe the effect is frm wad she said...if genting is willing to offer her a perma job...she would stay...which means...i duno...perhaps i could juz let it be...

DAY 2

2010-01-07T16:34:00.002+08:00

is going to work in 30 mins...sudenly pictures of our memories flash in my head...its already 1 day she is in genting...which means im nt having her by my side for 1 day ardy...realy so not use to it...at the same time im 24 hours worried about her...genting is nt a far place to say bt oso not a near place to mention...aiiz...duno hw she is doing there...realy hopes she is all fine...realy misses her laughter and voice...as much as i miss her face...realy wish i can hug her now...bt i noe dats imposible now...i will have to endure til she is done for the training or 1st work session...which is i duno when...bt realy hopes dat day comes fast...as fast as possible...duno whether will i have the motivation to work 2day...probably no...who cares...frankly speaking...i will do anything if i can get to c n hold her now...practically anything...realy duno hw long i have got to spend my life demotivated...juz eat watch tv n sit infront of the pc...doing nothing...aimless...dear...i realy so miss u...u muz stay strong at genting...endure through the days and return to me...not as a new people...bt as my laopo...my most beloved laopo JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN !!! I LOVE U !!!

DAY 1

2010-01-06T07:44:00.001+08:00

i send her to take van around 30mins + ago...it was realy hard for me...i promised her i wun cry...i din cry infront of her...accompany her til the van fully leave the waiting spot...i tot i could hang over it...bt i couldnt...my tears flood out uncontrolbally as i enter my car...she is leaving my side...though its juz for a temporary of time...bt stil...the feeling is so hard to accept...dis is our 1st small departure...i duno if i could stay normal without her by my side...i noe she wud like me to go on wif life...bt i cant promise her dis becoz i myself duno whether can i do it without her...she is my motivator...my strength...my everything...she cried many times yesterday...which makes my heart realy pain...i tried not to drop tears infront of her...i dowan her to worry bout me...at least not too much...i oso noe she wudnt wan me to worry too much of her...bt i cant...although genting is not a very far place to be frm ipoh...bt stil...im not by her side...i cant watch her and take care of her...neither i can hear her nor see her wen she need me...moreover...i have extra worries to worried for...although we both tot dat nothing's gona change between us...bt for me...frankly im worried...maybe im juz being sensitive...bt recently there r many strangers ( ppl dat i duno ) sms-ing her...well its common to sms...bt i felt extra...i noe dis is bad n idiotic...bt...im realy afraid of losing her...now dat she wil be in genting...a place where im not familiar with...maybe i juz don have confidence in myself...i noe she wil be sad wen she see dis...bt sorry dear...juz cant control my tears now...guess i will stop here...dear...u muz rmb...u muz come back to me...back to me as my laopo my dearest my honey my sweetheart my lover my everything...I LOVE U JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN !!!! NOTHING'S GONA CHANGE MY LOVE !!!!

dillema

2010-01-04T15:49:00.002+08:00

recently being wif my dear nowadays...enjoy having her by my side...bt this strange feeling suddenly appears...the fear of losing her is geting greater...everytime i look into her eyes...my heart feel emotional...wad would i do when she is not around me...she used to be my motivator...my strength...my everything...sometimes i felt like rather not see-ing her...coz wenever i see her...it reminds me dat she will be leaving...i noe i need to stay strong...and so do her...bt i tried to be strong...bt the force is juz brings too great of implication...i wanted to share all the time i have now wif her before she leaves...bt dis feeling juz disturbs me...i realy duno wad im thinking...my feelings is juz like the song " let me die " she will be leaving in 39 hours...which means my biggest unwilling to face scene will come...bt i think its inevitable...i will juz have to face it no matter hw much im not willing to...juz hope dat the day will come slower then i expect it would be...hopefully not too much tears will take place dat day...dear...i wan u to noe...although u might not c dis in time...i will love u till the end of time and nothing's gona change my love for u <3
I LOVE U JOYCE LYE PUI SIAN AND U WILL BE MY LOVED ONE FOR ETERNITY

爱上你 ( falling for you )

2009-12-31T13:21:00.004+08:00

只要你一笑我就有都不介意

你对我任性我竟然还觉得荣幸

不在乎爱情会是自由的天敌

根本一起为你失去我平常的冷静

虽然我还不擅长幸福这种东西（幸福这种东西）

可是我真的很想把所有你要的都放在你的手心

爱上你黎佩贤无法抗拒

一寸一寸深深的被你吸引

流泪也没关系等待也都愿意

人群之中我只想看见你

爱上你黎佩贤没有空隙

一天一天不见你也在想你

我在你的眼里不用掩饰自己

在你面前原来微笑那么容易

我终于明白那些孤单的夜里

寂寞的表情是因为你还未靠近

原来我愿意为等一个人废餐

是你呼醒了我自己都不懂得深情

虽然我不能确保幸福这种东西（幸福这种东西）

可是我会努力的把所有你要的都放在你的手心

爱上你黎佩贤无需考虑

一寸一寸紧紧的把你抱紧

伤心也没关系为你做任何东西

人群之中我只想拥有你

爱上你黎佩贤不需恐惧

一天一天不见你会很想你

我在你的眼里可以做回自己

在你面前原来微笑不需压力

(爱上你黎佩贤并不容易) 我会努力

(一寸一寸深深的被你拉紧) 我会把你抱紧

(受伤也没关系努力让你开心)

(人群之中我只想看见你) 想看你微笑

(爱上你黎佩贤没有委屈) 全心全意

(每天每天都很想见的到你) 也想抱你亲你

(你在我的心里就是我的唯一)

(在我面前你的微笑就是解药) 我的解药

6 months ^^

2009-12-17T11:39:00.002+08:00

last nite was our official 6 months ^^ bt we gone tru it a little bit unhappy...some minor matter occur...aiiz...dowan to repeat it...was awaiting this day to come...bt as the day comes...my depression and worries increase...the day she will not be my side is geting near...she will be leaving for genting...duno hw many times i can meet her in a month...neither i noe will the departure affect our relationship...i realy wish it wont...bt sometimes there r things dat i cant control...sometimes i felt...as time goes by...our sweetness decreases...izzit dat once u get closer to each other...the honey in the jar goes off little by little?i realy duno...mebe i was juz being too sensitive...juz hope dat no matter wad happen...our relationship remain the same...geting emo easily lately...hope the dark cloud goes off fast and may my bright day come earlier

time to end dis chapter

2009-12-08T15:52:00.001+08:00

aiiizzz...felt realy meaningless lately...i tot i could adopt into the enviroment...bt the enviroment juz aint meant to suit me...realise human character can be so pathetic...bt wad to do...dis is the make up of the world...n we r juz some characters to make it move and turn...mite juz get over it...aiiz...resign? of coz...i plan to...bt...could i get another job elsewhere? i duno...bt its better to resign rather than to work in depression everyday eh...haha...aiiz...the matter juz cant get out of my head...neither i wan to noe the reason...i admit i was wrong...bt i aint the 1st person doing so...bt y juz i get the blame? becoz he has prejudice on me? i duno...human character is so pathetic...puke...realy wish dat time could pass n im out of there...juz makes me get out of there fast...bt i have the responsiblity...my own responsibility...bt im grateful...for the ppl who once treat me good...n taught me stuff...bt its realy such a sucky place to be...aiizz...someone pull me out pls...

wad a nitemare...perhaps the worst i had so far

2009-11-24T23:56:00.002+08:00

kinda tired lately...class n work...haha...bt i kinda enjoyed it...especialy wen i receive my 1st month salary =) ...been taking naps recently after class n before work...bt 2day i had a horible nightmare...totaly horible...it was like dis...i went on a vacation wif my sweetheart...speak on vacation were supose to be a sweet 1...we went to a place...duno where it is...then appear dat im calling the tmnet for her...as her line was cut recently...then we went on to have food somewhere...in the dream we don have any vehicle...so we get on a cab to get to places...then we reach a restaurant...somehow she went on search for something or someone...leaving me alone...then i was waiting...sudenly a bunch of my frens appear infront of me...saying gona offer me a ride...then i went searching for her...bt she was nowhere to be found...i was freak out...in the dream...i tried doing wadever i can bt stil i cant find her...i was blank...then i woke up frm the nightmare...lucky she was beside me...she saw my freak face...i hug her then...not wanting to let go...later on...i sense dat the dream may prove something...im too afraid to lose her...too afraid too lose my half soul...ever since the big quarel between us...my fear of losing her has gotten higher...without my senses...guess i juz cant bear to lose her in my life...

wish dat i can protect her even im nt by her side

2009-11-18T23:39:00.002+08:00

recently her emotions had been unstable...perhaps is the pressure of studies n STPM is around the corner...i understand...im trying my very best to give her all my support and love...of coz...in pursue of sumthing...sacrifice need to be made...i sacrifice my frens for dat...though i have been receiving unhappy sayings towards my action...i DON CARE!! nothing more important than doing my best for my love one...her uncle's daughter juz came bk frm east coast...the 1st nite she is bk...she made my dear cry *grrrr* stupid cute face old bitch...got nothing else to do bt to make my dear cry...cunt...geting worried about my dear...she say her mum doesnt trust her...well i duno the case...bt stil it isnt right to rather trust some1 rather than trusting ur own daughter...the one who u born after 10months...aiiz...futhermore im working at nite...i hardly can have time to comfort her n reply her msgs T____T...she is gona have her exam 2mr...i cant do anything to help her...im juz so useless...every now and then im juz giving verbal support...juz saying gambateh n jia you...nothing else...i juz hope dat she wil be alrite in 2mr exam...good luck dear in ur exam...i love u forever <3

a sudden feeling of death

2009-10-19T22:26:00.002+08:00

as much as i dowan to return to the blog...bt stil i have return...return with sadness...perhaps im juz nt caring enuf...or nt knowing hw to express it...either way...i duno...tot i was gona have dinner wif her...bt sumtg came up...she was despress of losing her PP notes n exercise despise dat she doesnt rmb where she placed them...i wanted to help...bt im juz helpless...she doesnt wana go for dinner...n i have to return the car to my family...i have no choice bt to leave...leaving her alone in the house...n myself nt going out for dinner...were messaging her...bt she seems very depressed n angry...she din replied my last message...so i tot of giving her sometime to calm down n meanwhile look for her stuff...i tot i was right...bt i wasnt...it made her felt i don care bout her...tried to explain...bt i guess i juz wasnt good enuf...found something related to her notes n exercise...though i duno whether is it the 1 she is looking for...then i head out to get some food for her...was outside her house...asked her to come out...then return her the papers...she turn around upon taking the papers...without me having a chance to say a word or hand her the food...were kinda sad dat time...chase out to hand her the food...bt she rejected...tot of puting the food at doorside...bt sked her mum mite return n asked...dowan create trouble for her...have no choice bt to leave wif the food...were driving home then...realy tot of speeding n crashing by the side...bt on 2nd tot...i sudnt give up...i vow dat i wont...n i WONT!!!!! NEVER !!!!

a 2nd chance

2009-10-02T13:47:00.002+08:00

i realy tot i lost her...i juz view her blog...frm the start i have go the wrong way...i tot she hates me...bt she loves me more then i imagine...im so stupid...im silly til i go type stupid things at my blog...even tot of modifying a song for her...bt mercy is drop upon me...i have been forgiven and 2nd chance is given...i manage to save her frm leaving me...i realy duno wad to say or do...it was like an angel has drop blessing on our relationship...we r stil 2gt...no matter wad i wont let go anymore...even it takes my life everything away frm me...no more giving up...

useless tears droping

2009-10-02T12:20:00.002+08:00

juz return her tiger n retrieve my jacket...i tot i could ask for forgiveness...bt i juz don have th courage to...im juz too weak...i cant protect her..making her cry is all i do best...i alwiz speak hard n rough...thinking im strong person...won cry...bt it was juz my own thinking...bt theres no use crying nw...i tot at least i stil can have her as a fren...bt the fact is no...y my tears juz cant stop droping...pls stop...she say she doesnt wan me to be her fren...i have totaly lost her...i realy duno wad to say or type...i realy love her...so do her...bt...guess there juz isnt the room for us to be 2gt anymore...there will be no more...dear i miss u...dear i love u...breakfast lunch dinner...no more...bt i guess its a good thing...she wudnt have to drop anymore tears...no more late sleeping...she can do anytg she wan...no more restricting frm me...hope she wil go on wif her own life...pray dat i stil can c her somewhere someday sometime...without letting her know dat im there...god...pls delete her memories of me..i realy dowan her to rmb the wound i once deliver to her...perhaps dis is the last time i will say...though i have repeat dis last time many times...laopo...i realy love u...though we may nt be 2gt...bt my heart alwiz love u...u will alwiz be in my heart...perhaps forever...ur position and cuteness cant be replace...dats my last promise to u...

im so scared

2009-10-02T10:28:00.002+08:00

its around 2 hours more to the confrontation...every second dat passes by...my heartbeat get more nervous n harder...wad m i gona do later wen i c her? izzit realy the end of everything? no turning bk? is there any chance dat i can recover the situation? i realy duno...my heart hurts as it beat...im realy scared dat we...or i wun have the chance to talk to her anymore...have been thinking...if i apologize and beg for forgiveness...will it change the situation? i realy dowan to lose her...bt i cant be selfish to make her suffer juz to make me happy...if she is realy suffering wen she is wif me...then its better for me...or us to let go...at least she wud be happy...1 sad is much better than both sad...i wud rather dat i suffer all the sadness if she could be happy n free...as i type...the memories between us flash back through my mind...our happy and sad encounters...bt i guess it can juz be call memories...recently im being bothered by my family matters...nw im gona lose her...perhaps dis is all part in my life...inevitable whether i wan it o nt...i realy wish she wun leave me...or perhaps its me leaving her...perhaps i have brought her too much tears...for i have sin thus im being punished...if i cant recover the situation later...at least i hope we can stil be frens...even a fren by juz its name...i dowan to lose her totaly...for she has been a part of my soul...knowing dat losing part of one soul is a painful thing...

its all over

2009-10-02T04:04:00.002+08:00

its all over...our relationship has come to an end...perhaps its all my fault...i wasnt good enough...there's ntg i can do to overcome the fact dat she hates me nw...her last msg realy hurts...stated last msg...y does dis have to go dis way...i realy duno...bt mebe dis is also a release for her...she doesnt have to suffer between the one she love n hates...though she mite nt be seeing dis...even if she does...i duno wad she mite think...mebe im juz typing to show her...wadever...the fact is dat my feelings towards her was real...im nt taking her as a replacement for my ex...i realy don...though she mite feel otherwise...bt its useless nw...everything is decided...there's ntg i could do to recover...i tot i could prevent my tears frm droping...bt i couldnt...i cried infront of my best fren...mebe im juz nt good enough for her...or could dis be the ever lasting curse of Anderson? so far all andersonian frm my year is yt to encounter a happy ending relationship...perhaps dis could make me feel better...i stil cant believe i lost her...bt everything has turn into fact nw...she hates me...bt mebe its a good thing...she doesnt have to rmb all the things dat i once did which may hurt her...i juz hope dat she could get on her life bk...although i noe i don have the right to say dis cuz i m the one dat makes her cry...she gota face her muet task 1 exam later in the morning at skul...surely she wont have enuf rest...hope she is asleep nw...allow me to call u for the last time...dear...im sorry...i couldnt deliver happiness into ur life...nite sweetheart...last kiss muackz <3...all the best...i love u...though we may never be 2gt again...

came bk after all

2009-10-02T02:13:00.002+08:00

its been a long time...i tot i don have to come bk to post my feelings anymore...bt seems afterall im bk here...duno hw to start...its was a call frm her...a normal 1 where jokes n laughter exist...sudenly juz a joke of mine turn the situation 180* away...i juz duno wad i can do...dis time isnt the same like the previous time...perhaps the dmg delivered to both sides is juz too great to accept...the pain dis time is much more...i realy duno...my starting point was juz a joke...bt seems the joke isnt accepted as expected...guess the joke i was trying to deliver lead me...or us to wadever situation dat is nw...im totaly lost nw...i tot i could cheer up after a game of dota or two wif my frens...bt...seems it didnt help...her words realy meant a lot to me...i wish her words could act like wad my fren said...mebe its juz a joke...bt i juz cant accept it...though i duno wad she meant behind her words...and her decision...i knew dat i made her drop lots of tears 2nite...i cant beg for forgiveness...mebe perhaps i don deserve it...i juz wish she could do her exam well at skul...bt for everything i have said...im sorry...bt there is no deny to the fact dat i truely love her...i realy love u my sweetheart...

heart pain

2009-09-10T00:50:00.002+08:00

its been awile...din blog so long liao...been very happy these days...din came to blog =P...bt last week n dis week aint so happy...my dear is facing her stpm trials...well its a normal thing...bt she is being too tension upon the trials...pushing herself realy hard for revisions...i don feel good...been looking at her geting nt enuf rest...her look gets unwell and tired day by day...it realy breaks my heart...she's been insomia lately...unable to sleep late at nite...im geting worry bout her...bt i cant force her to stop doing revision...been trying to cheer her up bt i aint doing much effort...she promise me she wud rest early n take good care of herself after the trials...so i guess i can bare to let her work hard now...despite the fact dat my heart stil hurts to c her so tired...she was a little demotivated last nite...so i head to 7-11 to get her a few bottles of milk n a packet of 薯片...seems dat cheers her up =)...im glad i finaly did something to help her release some pressure...stil can rmb her smile wen i told her i was outside her house sending her milk n snacks...dat smiles realy bring up the spirit in me...at least she smiles...although its juz a smile...bt dats enuf to make me worrying more...her trials juz left 2 more days...2 more papers to go...glad dat its ending...bt my worries stil haven end as i can imagine the pressure n tension she wil have wen the actual exam comes...she been geting thin during the trials period...she muz b pushing herself realy hard...hope dat she wil gain bk some meat after the trials...at least stop losing weight...dear...gambateh...i noe u can do it...MUACKZ jia you jia you <3

幸福的味道

2009-08-24T23:11:00.003+08:00

slighty better frm my sickness...i tot i wud juz go tru my nite peacefully at home...was surfing facebook n watching movie at pps...pick "bolt" to watch =)...same time texting wif my dear...haha...was enjoying the movie...playing applications on facebook too...sudenly she text me saying im outside ur house...i was a bit stunned...i head out to c n she's realy there...of coz i would love to c her...bt wad i didnt expect was...she packed me food...n a packet of strepsils...i was like...m i dreaming? she rush home after sending me the package...coz she doesnt realy have the permission to go out...bt she lie to her mum juz to go out pack food for me...dat moment...i realy duno wad to say...neither i know hw to describe my feelings...it was like...幸福 is engulfing me...the 1st time i ever felt so...finaly i truly understands wad it meant by 幸福...i aint gona let it go...neither im gona let my sweetheart go...i love u forever sweetheart <3 don leave my side...coz u r my everything...

sick jor T_T

2009-08-24T20:23:00.002+08:00

been quite awile since my last blog...ntg much to write lately...haha...coz everyday is a happy day...get to c my dear...bt i fall sick last nite...OMG H1N1...haha no la...so easy kena meh...go jusco watch 1 movie then kena swt =.=...aiya...juz normal fever flu n cough...the flu aint serious bt the fever n cough is geting the pieces out of me...she was wif me ytd...bt i aint realy gt the energy to pay attention on her...my head was a bit dizzy so i took a nap meanwhile she was sitting infront of the pc...bt i can c the worry face of hers...she is realy worried bout me...sry dear...made u worry =(...went n c her last nite...i felt better at nite after taking some medicine =)...she was eager to c me as she was missing n worried bout me...send her home around 11.30pm as she will be having tt the next day...woke up early dis morning...my illness din get better...my fever got worse as it reaches the temperature of 38.7 =x...took rest in the noon...my condition is like a mountain...went good then gone bad again...took dinner early juz now then had some medicine...then she came over to c me...she was very worried =(...i tried to cheer her up bt i guess it din work much...she was forcing me to put on a cold wet handkerchief to cooldown my fever temperature...felt so sweet wen she put it in for me n exchange the cold handkerchief...haha after sick oso gt good thing xD...2mr is her fren bday party...i promise her to go...gota get myself recovered by 2day n make sure the sickness din come bk 2mr...else i realy cant go to the celebration...i muz recover...gambateh chris !!!

abnormal feelings

2009-08-15T14:20:00.002+08:00

hmm...woke up at 10.40am 2day...tot dat its juz another saturday dat i would go tru normally...bt the fact is it isnt...had strange feelings...as usual i text my sweetheart morning msg as i woke up...kinda annoyed her last nite...well text her as normal i would do...bt her replies seems odd...kinda reluctant to reply it seems...i duno the fact...dats juz wad i felt...she gt tt 2day...of coz during tt she cant text me...bt 2day i felt strange wen she doesnt text me...even if for normal days she wud have even wen she is driving...bt 2day it doesnt happen...perhaps she is angry wif me...i realy duno...my mind is blank...ntg bt the matter keep appears in my mind...sudenly i felt like lack of something...its been some time since i felt like dis...will dis resemble something? i wish it doesnt...coz if dis does...i know it wun be something dat favors me...my eyes felt different...its kinda liquid...if i din recall wrongly...the last time dis happens was 2 years pass...wudnt like to mention it...juz wish the incident don repeat itself...bt sometimes things r nt fully control by ppl themselves...realy duno wad im typing or doing...perhaps someone could cure me...

heart speaks

2009-08-14T11:20:00.004+08:00

its been a week since a last blog...well...the week pass quite fast enough...well as life says...there r sweet and bitter in life...so does mine...bt the lvl of sweetness is more than bitter =P...as i got her...my sweetheart wif me...she is like a trigger button...a happy trigger button to me...whenever i c her...happiness is wif me...its almoz 2 months since im wif her...exact to say is 2 more days to 2 months...hahaha...its a happy 2 months...bt sometimes...i felt lonely wen she is nt around me...juz like the laughter disappeared...stil rmb few days ago...she sudenly told me dat someone is trying to "chase" her...my reaction was like...wtf wth omfg smlj...i couldnt hide my reaction wen she told me dis...bt the actualy fact is...she was juz asking...the incident is nt happening to her bt her fren...i admit i was a little annoyed then...bt my heartbeat couldnt lie myself...i am so concern til my heart feels like tearing apart the 3rd party...bt was a little relieve wen i heard she was juz asking my opinion...bt there r also something tearing my heart besides that...which is to c her tired look after skul...n yet she wans to accompany me...i felt bad...she rather sleeps late to accompany me...of coz i m happy bt same time oso heart pain wen i noe dat she is tired bt yet refuse to sleep...juz like ytd...she was tired after skul...accompany her for lunch then went window malling around malls in bercham...hahahah...head back to my house later on...she was checking her facebook then...went on bed after she was done...bt i din accompany her...i dowan to disturb her nap as i can c tru her face...her lvl of fatigueness is increasing day by day...i was sitting at infront my pc as i watch her sleeps...i know...if i were to hug her then...her rest wouldnt be enuf...thus i decide to let her take her peaceful nap...came across an agreement towards the phrase...happy moments pass juz too fast...everytime im wif her...the time juz pass too fast...i wish i had the ability to control time...then i can be wif her for all the time in my life...bt there juz isnt the ability to do so...bt at least i can appreciate all the time i can have wif my sweetheart...watching her hugging her kissing her...sometimes i think...hw would my life be wen she is working at genting at the end of the year...bt the question juz doesnt have an answer...guess i might juz stop thinking about it...all does matter is that she is wif me...by my side...laopo i love u <3

strange heartbeat

2009-08-08T00:53:00.002+08:00

im back here again...realy duno wad i can do...neither duno who i can speak wif...as i was typing...my heartbeat strangely...its nt the normal usual rhythm as it is...as it beats...i felt the flesh of my heart pulls n drags my muscles...i realy duno wad is happening...i tot...could dis means dat im sad and depressed? i realy duno...the feeling is too strange...as i type...flashbacks of my memories keep appearing in my head...i realy wish i had the ability to turn time over...bt fact is dat wad has happened had happened...although i duno wad im thinking is true o nt...bt all i ever wanted was for my sweetheart to be happy...perhaps i had bring her happiness b4...bt a sadness is enough to draw back all the happiness deliver...futhermore...dis time she drop tears...mebe she doesnt think dis way...bt for me...a guy for makes their love one is a bad guy...which dat i appears to be...my head is turning up n down...how i wish she is by my side nw...bt im afraid dat i will nt have the courage to tell her wad im gona write...coz i noe dis may hurt her...dear...all i ever wanted was for u to be happy...although i may nt noe wad u r thinking...bt frm the very deep of my heart...i never wan u to gain sadness...bt seems i have deliver the sadness to u...sorry is the oni word i can say...i cant make u any promises...perhaps dis is the road of our relationship...the path dat we should walk...i will do anytg dat it takes for me to finish the path wif u...as i realy wan u to be the one dat finish the path of my life wif me...i love u...every inch of my heart and soul belongs to u...i realy love u...

its deep

2009-08-07T22:26:00.002+08:00

woke up early 2day...had a nightmare in the morning around 7am...geez disturb my sleep...went breakfast wif my fren...then head to college to fetch our new sem timetable...omg PMY is there...pengajian malaysia...such a boring subject T_T...well 2day is kinda peace...juz stay at home n enjoyed DOTA...then found out it was my cousin bday 2day...my uncle was treating my family for dinner...bt i din follow as im nt so use to going out wif them hahaha...ask my sis to dapau for me...then my sweetheart came over around 8pm...brought herself a few comic books...started reading wen she enter my room...lol wad so nice about these comics? =x...chat on the things dat she been tru 2day at skul...then we came to the wad i been tru 2day haha...then i spoke something wrong =x...then she was like lying down on my bed wif her face touching the bed...i tot she was crying...i was like omg...im so dead...bt end up she was juz acting...was realy a little ignore there...well i couldnt be angry of such matter...she was my sweetheart after all =P...then in return i tease her of something...bt the tease was a bit serious it seems...she lie down on the bed again...i tot she was gona act again...bt dis time it seems real...tried to get her up bt i couldnt...she is realy crying...shit...wad have i done...she was hiding her face frm me...bt i knew she is crying...bt i juz couldnt do anytg...i juz hug her in my arms...juz sudenly at dat moment...a feeling dat i have never been tru came by...my heart was like...torn? stab? slash? i duno...juz dat i felt my heart hurts...n it hurts deeply...then my tears was like about to pop out...juz at dat time she was about to get up...i turn my face over...trying to hide my tears frm her...then i asked her wad happen...after some pursue she finaly said...im afraid of losing u...my heart hurts even more...i noe i have realy hurt her wen i tease her juz nw...i told her about my nightmare...bt nt all of it...there was a part i din tell her...b4 the ocean part...in the dream i was wif her wen sudenly i was like being transfered to some place in the ocean...awhile later i jump out of the dream n woke up...in a trauma condition...although i duno wad the dreams wana say...bt all i noe is...her tears r the blood of my heart and soul...the moment she drop tears...my heart n soul bleeds...sweetheart im realy sorry...i din mean to hurt u...im realy sorry...

great time

2009-08-03T01:13:00.002+08:00

sudenly felt like blogging...although i was a bit tired...been tru a packed day...slept 2am++ last nite...woke up 9am dis morning...went out breakfast wif my frens n her...then head down to kbox for the main event...1st time use the big room...cost rm 550+ =.=...jayson gf's fren join us as well...sang a few songs at start...geting warm up =P...shouted many later on =/...had a few duet wif my sweetheart...1st time sing wif her...haha so happy...bt was a little annoyed wen the bill came as the divident of payment went a little out of thought...bt manage to settle it in the end...sang for 5 hours...walao so tiring...then head on to infi for some relaxation...3 frens of mine went for snooker while me n jayson 2 couples went for pc...played dota while she was beside me...super motivation hahaha...then took dinner at fok sing area around 8pm...had chicken chop rice...my sweetheart ordered "man dai lok min" bt the aunty seems to have forgoten...make my dear no dinner =.=...she had to go home n make maggi mee...cant accompany her coz had nite plans wif my frens...red wine party at kenny house lol...cant reject haha...bt if were to ask me frm the heart...sry frens...i wud rather choose to accompany my sweetheart =x...don kill me if u guys ever have a chance to c dis post lol...bt i guess i cant help it...i realy enjoyed being 2gt wif her...past days she told me she had a dream...in the dream i propose break up wif her...and dat realy makes her unhappy...bt i guess i wun do dat...although im nt 100% sure of wad will happen in the future...bt i can assure dat i aint gona do anytg dat is gona hurt her...was so touch wen she send a voice recording msg...my heart was realy melted =x...juz felt like i cant lose her in my life now...she has been a part of my soul...sweetheart i love u forever muackzzz <3

tension day haha

2009-07-29T12:08:00.002+08:00

its tuesday...exam T_T...din prepare much though...overslept in the morning =/...bt stil did ok in the exam...dats wad i think lol...mind it...wads done is done...wen to kenny house to grab his own-made so call muffin...bt i oso duno wad it is =x...stay n spend some time...then went over to jusco to do something...head towards infi next...were playing quite good at the 1st n 2nd game...bt during the start of the 3rd game...my dear text me n told me...asking me to take her n her family for dinner...were a bit stunned at 1st...anyway its the 1st time taking dinner wif her family...have to go over chemor to fetch her mom 1st...n the worst case...i duno the road LOL...cant blame a road blind like me =X...bt she were beside me to guide me =)...went sg.siput to have dinner...hand made pan mee lol...so full =x...then went over to her 4th uncle house...her mom wana make a visit...were kinda akward 1st =/...bt ok la manage to live tru it =)...fetch them home around 11pm...were gona have plans wif my frens bt the unpredictable happens...earlier execution of plan lol...my fren finish his work at 11pm rather then 1am =/...were having some time wif my sweetheart dat time...of coz wudnt wan her to leave so i have to turn down my fren n delayed the plan XD...supose to go over 11.30pm...instead i reached 1am XD...haha...were geting shot by them upon my arrival...groundnuts at bullets hahaha...were like small kids...playin throw groundnuts...so fun LOL...had some red wine then while playing poker...kenny vomit after awhile =.=...i was juz having mere headache...then head home after finishing the last gulp of red wine...the headache get worst wen i reached home @.@...drop down to bed then...slepz =P

wish i could be perfect

2009-07-25T18:25:00.004+08:00

juz return home after hanging out wif my frens...usualy spot infi...snoker n pc...ntg new haha...injured my hand wen i was playing snoker...accidentaly bang my hand to the table...geez it hurts...bruise...juz played a game in snoker n i let my fren took my spot...wana sms wif my sweetheart xD...kinda feel bad 2day...cant accompany her...although she says go accompany ur frens...she is fine...were owning in the DOTA game...then she text me saying miss me...bt nt like the normal tune...is more in a depressed form...asked her y bt she was reluctant to tell...i din pursue as i dowan to force her...bt more less i felt the culprit is me...well no evidence bt juz instinct...my mood start to turn...were trying to rush my fren back home then i could go n c her...bt seems she doesnt wana c me...wish i could have time for her 2day bt could reject my fren frm going out...i tot i could do well in both situations bt seems i juz could be alwiz perfect...wish dat i could be...bt sometimes the circumstances doesnt let me frm doing so...guess im juz a plain normal human haha...well...guess i have to work harder...n i wish dat my sweetheart will get better soon...juz wan u to noe dat i have alwiz love u <3

im feeling forever =x

2009-07-23T00:13:00.002+08:00

work up kinda early this morning...perhaps earlier then normal days...suddenly tot of my assignment...can i make it if i don start 2day? hmm...better start off 2day...so like usual turn on my pc then went n shower...return then surf the net for information n answers...found kinda lot bt felt like not useful...then my dear ask me to go to her house...accompany her take nap LOL...so i went...it was raining cats n dogs during dat time...realy a nice weather to sleep...at 1st i din felt like sleeping...hug her wen she was sleeping...a good feel though wen i hugged her n watched her sleep...kinda comfortable...perhaps too comfortable...fall asleep without notice...woke up around 5pm+...kinda suprise wen i found out dat i fall asleep...bt it doesnt matter...need to go out wif her later at nite anyway...accompany her to accompany her sis-in-law to buy lappy...supose to head out on 7.30pm...bt we arrived 8.00pm+...were kinda feeling bad bt guess wad...her sis-in-law din plan of buying...saying wanted to wait for pc fair...geez...we rush all the way to meet her for nothing...perhaps juz to pass her the lappy money...n her metal container ROFL...then she said wana go to jj...wana buy something bt she din tell me wad...so i pursue asking...she said i am gona laugh if she tells...n end up she told me she need to buy eng idioms revision book...working for her MUET...well its a good thing she is geting on it...juz dat i condemn the book was a bit off quality lol...then my fren text me asking me to yam cha...after some discussion we went on wif the plan...forget to mention she wana show off she noes the road to my fren house...n end up she gone the wrong road LOL bt stil make it to the destination...cant stop laughing wen she marked the wrong house as my fren house ROFL =x...after the gathering...head towards my house...had a little talk in the car...end up i pass her my old time quality proven eng full course revision book LOL hahaha =P...bet she sure choke me wen she c dis =x...she told me she is very happy 2day...i asked y bt she said duno =/...well doesnt matter...all i wan was for her to be happy...im feeling it...i wanted it...i wish hope n pray for it...i wan to be forever wif her...i love u sweetheart muackz <3

a happy day

2009-07-21T23:44:00.004+08:00

its tuesday...ntg special actually...she was gona spend her noon at my house...haha...she took a nap in my room...i was supose to sleep as well bt i juz cant...so i watched her wen she sleep...bt she oni slept 30 mins+...then she sat infront my pc...surfing her favourite facebook n play applications...infact kinda happy watch her sleep...the feeling is kinda like undescribable =X...skip dat hahaha...send her home around 8pm...then we went out for night market at 8.30pm+...wasnt expecting to go bt she asked...then i guess y nt...bt dis time her sister came along...well...at 1st i was kinda akward...bt her sister acts frenly =)...basically i am juz accompanying her to accompany her sister walk...her sister bought a pair of sport shoes...deciding to buy dat pair after roaming n bargaining around different stalls haha...well i wudnt mind...i have her beside me =)...after buying dat pair of shoes...my dear said wana drink bubble milk tea...so we head towards a bubble milk stall to get some...ordered 5 cups...2 more cups is for her mum n younger bro...i paid =)...then head bk to fetch his bro bk frm tt...we were a bit late haha =x...i aint the culprit coz i din drive...i was being fetched xD...reached home around 10.30pm...drank my bubble milk tea n enjoyed the piece of tira-cheese cake made by my fren...the taste is good bt the cheese makes me dam full...geez...brrrkkk =X...then she text me saying her mum scold her for the bubble milk teas dat i paid...LOL...i wudnt mind paying actualy =)...surfed facebook later on n saw her post...mood weather report...in love ( her family liked me n accepted me )...lol...realy duno hw to response dat time...was happy to hear dat...anyway she is all dat matter to me =)...dowan n cant imagine my life onwards without her...guess i wil do everything i can to prevent dat frm happening...guess its all for now...gota go sleep haha...

my silly gal ( part 2 ) =P

2009-07-17T00:09:00.002+08:00

hmm...juz feel like writing blog...duno y...juz another normal thursday like i wud usualy been tru...morning class...lunch then stalk at home...bt she came over dis noon...saying wana take nap at my house lol haha...of coz i wana c her...who wouldnt wan to c the one they love everyday...of coz i nt realy feel like taking a noon nap...so i sat infront of the pc while she lie on the bed silently...i tot she feel asleep...bt guess wad...she din -.-...infact she throw me my pillow wen i was enjoying my little game of restaurant city LOL...of coz im nt angry...then i jump onto the bed...we gt cuddle on bed =x...infact she din take a nap at all...skip the details of the noon =x...i send her home at 8pm+...my mum was asking her to have dinner here bt her mum cooked in the house...she gota go home n eat =)...infact on the way back to her house she asked me a question...1 dat i don realy noe hw to answer...bt stil i answer it frm my heart...she asked "wad is ur reaction after u proposed to me dat day i din response to u"...i said "of coz i was disappointed n sad n oso worry...sad becoz i tot it din work as i expected n worry of losing a fren...many confessions were made during the question time...anyway forget it =)...doesnt matter anymore...so after i reached home after sending her home...wen to take shower bt the bathroom was occupied =/...so i head bk to my room n sit infront of my pc again...then my mum had a little talk wif me...asking me don do "nonsense"...of coz i aint happy wif dat...nt wif the saying she asked me don do nonsense bt is dat he view on me...i mean come on...im a adult...i noe wad im doing wad im supose to do n wad i sudnt...y does she gota c me in dis way...of coz no matter hw much i don like it i cant say a thing...she was my mum afterall...i might as well accept the lesson n act cool...i told her about dis...she was feeling bad...she says afterall she was the culprit for my mum saying...of coz not dear...my mum was mentioning to me nt u...cant blame her coz she doesnt noe our relationship...she juz found out recently...bt u were taking the responsibility upon urself...silly gal...bt i felt a little happy upon dis too...coz she realy do care for me...n it goes the same for me...felt so touched everytime wen she doesnt go to sleep juz coz she wana accompany me sms...aww dear...of coz im happy wen u wana accompany me...bt u gota rest oso ma...u gt class on the next day...of coz if u don have class the next day i wudnt mind =)...bt cant blame u oso...u were doing it becoz of me...bt juz promise me...take rest wen u felt u need to...there are many things dat u need to do...u need energy...im sad to c u r geting realy tired recently...although i duno wen u wil read dis post...bt i juz hope dat u had enuf rest everyday...i love u my laopo muackzzz <3

its 1 month =)

2009-07-16T00:33:00.002+08:00

its 16th july...n guess wads so special about 16th...i couple wif her on the 16th of june...its offcially 1 month 2day...spend the last few hours towards the 12am of 16th hugging her...stil rmb the situation where i was wif her in the car when sudenly her mum came out of the house n saw us...then ask me to go into the house n sit...walao so tension dat time hahaha...juz sat down at her house sofa quietly watching tv...after some time then her mum wen to prepare dinner...she sat beside me n showing me her old results n certificate of studies...wasnt expecting anytg special bt wen i saw her standard 6 leaving certificate wif her photo there...i cant prevent frm laughing =P ( sorry dear )...alrite cant go further on the topic...its her privacy x)...then later at dat day went night market wif her...n guess wad...my family oso went to the same night market...wen she found out she was like OMG...bt nvm she say mebe wun get to meet oso...n guess wad...don speak of the imposible...the next corner we say my aunts...juz like waiting at dat spot to meet me...hw hilarious swt =.="...then my aunts told my mum...n my mum came searching for me LOL...she was tension...so is me @@...then after night market...brought her back to my house...stil rmb her face...shy n tension xP...haha =P...of coz she din stay overnite...after sending her home dat nite...gt attacked by my mum n aunts...saying "wah keep so secret" @@...n gt few shots frm them...receive a few shots frm them then went hiding inside the room xD...avoid them lol...hw evil im =X...haha time pass so fast...its been 1 month since i am 2gt wif her...if some1 were to ask me hw long i wanted it to last...i wud be greedy to say i wanted it til the day i officialy leave this world...guess the rest of my wishes wud b "wish i can be wif her til the day i die...if can forever"...forgive me for being greedy...bt being greedy is the born nature of human...

emotional mess

2009-07-15T17:02:00.003+08:00

im back to blogging haha...bt my mood 2day hasnt been stable...it went up n down...at start was tension as i haven prepare anytg for the debate dat is going on...perhaps juz mere preparation...cant help it...guess i wil juz go tru it naturally...n seems i did nt bad for it haha...gt relax a bit...of coz my dear calm me as her support came to me b4 i was debating...during the break...my fren asked for a badminton game 2day...well i tot i din played quite some time...was feeling a bit hand itchy...plus his arrogance made me wana trash him...bt later on...i found out dat my dear was alone in the house...a little worried...bt i dowan to ffk my fren...same time i wish i could accompany her...wad a dilemma...i tink i made my dear sad n moody wen i told her i wanted to go n play...bt my fren aint being a good host...told me he wanted to delay the playing time...my mood turns...if he cudnt make it then at least could tell me a little earlier...then i wud go n accomapny her...n my mood is ruin...decided to tell him i dowan to go...seems my dear is realy tired n moody...or perhaps i think too much...i realy duno...suddenly tot of the quiz back at facebook where she scores excellent in the bf/gf quiz bt she thinks she aint dat good...i felt the same...guess i aint being such a good bf dat i thought i wud...im sorry dear...i said i wana be there wen u need me...bt i am nt...wad a jerk i am...cant even do such simple thing...disappointed of myself...

a reply

2009-07-12T01:55:00.003+08:00

dear...i juz read ur blog...u told me dat i wud get hurt after reading it...bt infact...im not =)...bt i duno hw to describe my feelings...a bit funny...a bit suprise...a bit happy...bt definitely nt sad...its like dis...at the early part...it was a bit funny wen u mention wad ur frens were saying...then a bit suprise wen u mention ur thoughts and the same problem dat i tot of b4...n happy wen i noe dat u care so much for me...a little touched nw...keep smiling as im typing...duno y lol...although i am oso afraid of the changes dat may take place...bt my worries decreased...u alwiz tell me u wana c the future...bt at my view...future is nt set...future can change...life is like a story in a book...bt dif is future aint written yet...its up to us on how to write it...its nt decided by others bt the ppl themselves...i stil rmb i told u...i dowan to c the future...i wana make future...coz i believe human sudnt live according to fate...we r able to make changes...it juz takes effort...n im puting lot of effort to make my wanted future...although i duno wad we wil face in the future...bt im sure we can overcome it if we both have the heart n effort...i admit...i realy love u n dowan to lose u...at 1st wen i heard u were going to genting...i was a bit sad n worried...bt after last nite...i know...if its good for u...i wil support ur decision...u said u werent selfish enuf...u duno hw to be selfish...well all i can say is...ppl behave in the way dat they have to due to dif situation n circumstances...i understand ur position..n i wil respect ur decision for everything...i juz wan u to noe...we r in dis 2gt...yes other ppl may have dif view on our relationship...bt we both noe wad we felt on each other...i noe my feelings...n so do u...to me...no matter wad others say n do...i wil stil believe my beliefs...i trust myself...no offence to other parties who is reading the blog...i juz wan u to noe...i realy love u...n there is no lies to dat...i cant force u to put ur trust on me...bt u have my trust on u...no matter wad u do...i wil b there to support u...i wil b the ears to listen wen u need...i wil b the wall for u to lean on wen u need 1...n i wil be whoever wadever wen u needed...as i alwiz say...juz be natural...hope u can get relief after reading dis...all i wanted is juz for u to be happy...i love u dear...i do...

cant tink of a title LOL

2009-07-11T02:30:00.002+08:00

here im...back again haha...same thing...went out wif her...same spot again...grkp...then sudenly my fren sms me...asking me whether wana yam cha nt...i asked them to come meet me...bt they were saying so far...dowan lor...aiiz...then my dear propose...y nt we finish here n change spot =)...hw kind of her...then as proposed we changed spot to onestop...well her 1st time meeting my frens...seems there isnt much similar topic she can come into...hope she wasnt too boring wen she is there...sry dear...we din stay for too long as the shop is about to close...after dat we went roaming around places again...as she alwiz likes to...haha...of coz i wont mind...i gt no suggestion of places to go anyway...travel to near klebang area...searching for her fren's house...dat area is kinda creepy...dark surroundings wif trees n those trees look like dead ones...geez...nt to say horror bt doesnt gives a good feel...roamed for awhile n she started to feel a little unpleasant...so we decided to head bk...since nowhere to go...she parked outside my house...bt i din get down...instead had many conversation wif her...topics varies...chat for around 2 hours...get to noe many many things of her...of coz we tease each other like we alwiz like to...n she found out my dead point...tickle~! she loves to tickle me...of coz i hold her hand wen she does dat =P...bt dis time in the car lol...she hugged me n lie her forehead on my shoulder...of coz if feels warm n comfortable =X...then she kissed me on the chick...then i asked her nt kiss me on lips geh meh LOL...n she did then =P...hahaha...feel a bit evil dat time =X...we talk about many things...n now i found the reason dat eliminate my question...i understand she has been going on a hard life...no matter wad i wil suport her decisions...we even discuss many view on dif topics like anger,selfishness,freedom n many more...haha of coz we both express our opinions on dif topics...the understand between us is growing...seems her mum found out our relationship liao =/...i haven tell my family bout it yet bt i guess my mum is suspecting me on dis =x...bt i wil give the decision to reveal to her...afterall i respect her...we both have our own freedom on doing things...haha duno wad else to write...perhaps im too happy LOL...bt pity my dear...2mr gt tt sumore...sure tired for her...dear i support u...gambateh muacks muackx muackz i love u <3

am i stil conscious? haha

2009-07-09T01:24:00.004+08:00

its late...n yet im stil blogging hahaha...well perhaps kinda used to write wen i feel a little emo...been going out recently wif her...of coz i am happy wenever iam wif her...cant explain the feeling...maybe becoz dis is all i have been looking for after all those days?i guess dat is the oni answer dat can solve the question...sometimes i do think back my past...bt as there is a saying...past is pass...future is wad u muz be looking at...bt hw many ppl actualy noes wad is happening at future...some ppl dream...some ppl pray...some ppl wish...bt juz hw many ppl can go according as they want their future to be...no specific answer to dat...of coz i had dream pray wish for my very own future...no ppl wan a bad future...neither ppl wan an incomplete future...juz wad is a complete future? a future where everything goes as wad u had plan n hope it is? or a future where u had wad u need n ur soul mate beside u? nobody noes...bt i hope...in my future i have her...well there r no guranty to dat...bt i wudnt wan her to leave my side...neither do i wana dump her away...ahh i duno wad im typing...my heart juz felt so mess up sudenly...recently my fren told me a sumtg about his relationship...he said he lost half of his frens becoz he wana b wif the 1 he love...at dat moment...i tot...dis wun happen to me...i can manage dis matter...time to b wif frens n time to be the 1 u love...yes i can do dis...im sure i can...i am wondering if im being too sensitive sometimes...something small...i can juz over think till something dat is imposible to be...aiiz i hate myself wen i do dat...juz hope dat my own stupid thoughts wont bring harm to any1

a different experience

2009-07-08T01:54:00.002+08:00

its been raining almoz for the whole day...n it ruin my pasar malam again~!!!! grrr damn it =.=...3 weeks...n 3 weeks it kept ruin my tuesday...bt 2day...i stil get to go out wif my dear...n she's driving~!! haha...its a suprise she found my house so easily =/...she told me we r going to kopitiam...bt she din mention we r heading to grkp ( gunung rapat kopitiam )...well im kinda used to being the passenger...bt dis time it feels different...geting fetch by a gal n sumore she is my dear haha...bt ok la no comment on her driving x)...sat down at the shop n ordered drinks...of coz i ordered some snacks...had 2 drinks n she kept playing wif the sugar container...adding sugar to my food n drinks =.=...gota hide the sugar thingy frm her next time =P...sat there for like 3 hours...discuss n talk about many things...geting to noe her deeper =)...after enjoying our drinks n conversations...went for a ride...wasnt actualy a ride...more like roaming around without goal...haha...of coz i wana b wif her as long as posible...get to watch her more n felt her presence...roam around for almoz an hour...felt very relax wen im wif her...cant explain hw dat happen...bt nvm...as long as im wif her dats enuf...(づ￣ 3￣)づ a kiss n hug for u <3

i had my 1st crash experience LOL gg

2009-07-07T18:00:00.002+08:00

well...i tot of staying home 2day...bt sudenly my dear ask me to accompany her to go jusco =)...well of coz i wudnt reject such a sweet offer =P...a little delay coz i was having problem cutting my fingernails =/...then gota go n pump petrol as the car was nearly emptied =/...so i delayed around 30 mins to get to my dear swt =.="..head to jusco...found a nt so skillful parking spot...well i manage to put the car on spot...bt wif a little error...i crashed the left sided of the car towards the pillar OMG...bang...at 1st i tot i hit the barrier of the car...bt as detail confirmation...i whack the car n scratch it =x...omg my mum sure wil kill me...bt nvm la wad to do...since i have ardy done it...mite as well reach home n get a hell of scolding...so i put the matter off my mind n accompany my dear on a 2 hour tour in jusco xD...almoz walk through everything in jusco...frm market to shops to lobby...finaly sat down on a bench infront the the world of cartoons shop...sat down n rest while chating...a comfortable situation =)...oh ya forget to mention...saw stanley family wen i was roaming...i din notice them til his bro had walk pass me n gave me a sign LOL...paiseh...was living in my little world =P...sure his sis gona brag on me if i ever c her lol...a playful yet naughty gal haha...as i was in my little world...time of the actual world passes fast...its almoz 5.30pm...time to say goodbye T.T....gota send her home n return the car to my mum...aiiz...hw good if i had my car hahaha...then freedom is totaly mine x)...gota brag my dad for it hahaha...bt chances seems low =X...well who cares...as long as i have her its enough for me...wen we r heading home...its raining...omg pasar malam a~!!! n oso she gota go through rain wen she enter house...hopefully she is fine...heard she has a little cough ><...wanted to ask for my 1st goodbye kiss actualy bt her neighbour is looking directly into my car big glass...jeez =.=...haha nvm lo will get it next time =P...reach home then...confess to my mum of wad happen to her unfortunate car ><...well she didnt scold me juz said "aiya sui zai"...then my sis back me up n said " bang bang then wun bang geh la...nvm la" =P...escaped hahaha...thx sis...love u...of coz i love my dear more =P <3...end of 2day post xD

a suprise

2009-07-07T17:43:00.002+08:00

well...juz another normal monday for me...class at 11am n end 1pm...after dat head home n do ntg...stay infront pc n waste my time juz like i did hahaha...well as usual i wud b sms-ing wif my dear =P...where sudenly she said she wana c me n miss me so much...i said i come n c u lo...she was thinking i was plain joking n replied ok...n i arrived the next 5 mins infront of her n gave her a suprise...a realy out of the blues suprise...haha...we chat inside the car...many topics came across...she was hugging her baby pooh...a small n soft 1 haha...perhaps let her torture til dat shape LOL =P...if she c dis then i wil b the 1 to torture xD...no la my dear very good geh =P...don torture me a dear =P...

my silly gal

2009-07-04T02:32:00.003+08:00

its friday...a different one...at least the morning is normal...went to college for a class dat i wasnt supose to b at...dam frustrated n paiseh...aiiz...was pissed off by the admin...by gt calm down by my dear hahaha...since i wasnt welcomed in the class...i head home...found out my results had reached home...wasnt expecting anytg good though...bt din though it was dis horrible lol...cgpa less than 2...omg...i was frigthen n dissappointed...yet was again cheered up by my dear =)...gave me motivation to continue on it...i will work harder dear =D...well as for my dear...a normal day which starts with school then tuition...bt 2nite she is having dinner in occasion to celebrate her sis bday =)...she bought her a crystal ball like present...seems she is geting tired recently...waking up early in the morning n driving all day...pity her =(...hw good if i could my energy to her...i don need dat much energy as i juz have to go college in the morning n ntg else...well 2nite is no difference...she is tired...bt stil...she wana accompany me sms...saying she miss me...well i miss her a lot too...i told her to go sleep early...she refuses...she is having exam for tuition 2mr...n she has yet to study for it...i ask her to study bt she says she is tired...so i asked her to go rest bt she says dowan...so i asked y nt...u r tired...n she replied"if sleep i cant sms wif u"...she rather sleep late to accompany me...aww silly gal...i duno whether im supose to b happy n sad...happy in sense she wana accompany me...sad in sense of she is tired...well there is dis question popping out my head...she is going to genting to work at the end of the year...wad will happen between us by then?...bt i tot over it 2nite...i cant be selfish...i realy love her...i gota tink for her future...seems she was a bit frustrated wen we talk bout a heart topic...i said i cant b selfish to own all of ur heart...u have heart for me...bt u gota have heart for studies too...seems she wasnt happy for this phrase...and i comfort her...sometimes the sms i send her was a bit 肉麻...haha...i said...i have own ur most precious thing...i cant b selfish to take ur heart as well...she ask wad u have?...dear...i ardy have ur soul n love with me...its more than i ever wished...n i oni wished for 2 things nw...ur happiness n ur future...no matter wad happens in the coming future...i will b by ur side...i wil b the ear wen u have sumtg to say...i wil b the eye dat watches u...n i wil b the 1 wen u need sum1 the most...dear i love u...i realy love u...

trust is very important...don make it too late to regret

2009-07-02T00:27:00.003+08:00

writing dis to remind myself...or perhaps for who is ever reading dis...trust in a relationship is very important...lies sudnt exist between the 2...myself as an example...2nite i did sumtg which i tot could end my relationship...lucky forgiveness is given upon my doing...else i wud regret for my life...perhaps regreting is oso useless as it cud b seen as a serious matter...no matter wif intention or without...lies ought not to b made...im sure i wil rmb 2day...as it gives me a big experience on no matter wad u do...alwiz think deeply...u dowan to regret over stupid things u have done...i was relief wen my mistake was forgiven...promise i wun do it again...no matter wad circumstances...coz i noe if i do it again...chances wun come my way...to whoever reading dis...do bear in mind...u sud nvr make ur other half sad as they put their trust in u for who u r n u sud nvr break the bond..."dear allow to say for the last time...im sorry n i love u"

对不起

2009-07-01T23:55:00.001+08:00

多久了没有你的消息上一封简讯是星期几又错过了与你的约定 对不起真的不是故意有时候没办法陪著你你总是对我说没关系 放不下我对你的任性 对不起不该让你伤心 有时候你会让让我儘管我大男人发作有时候你会装作不懂默默地留一些空间给我这些事情其实我一直都藏在心裡请你原谅我不懂逗你开心 请你原谅我不懂听你的心 回想这过去我学著让你更安心别赌气别任性别放弃说声对不起有时候你会让让我儘管我大男人发作有时候你会装作不懂默默地留一些空间给我这些事情其实我一直都藏在心裡请你原谅我不懂逗你开心请你原谅我不懂听你的心回想这过去我学著让你更安心别赌气别任性别放弃请你相信我我会更加珍惜请你相信我我会呵护著你小小的爱情却是我最大的幸运疼爱的想念的都是你请你相信一个这样的我请原谅我 对不起对不起

deep guilty

2009-07-01T23:33:00.002+08:00

its juz another normal nite...except an incident make it totaly different for me...well as usual we both wil b sms-ing...she told me she is going to night market wif her sis in law...then i told her "i guess i wil b staying at home n come good boy hahaha"...i guess i din do dat...i was feeling bored at home...well sudenly around 10pm+ my fren ask me whether wana join them yam cha...i reply sure without hesitation...n i told her im going out...well at 1st i tot she wasnt annoyed...bt guess i was wrong...seems she realy care for wad i have said...n i din do wad i said...i think i lost my worthiness...i felt guilty...guess i realy hurt her...as i was feeling guilty...the tv screen of the spot i was at was showing "secret ( bu neng shuo de mi mi )...my emotions were dead...the show were at where jay chou was having piano competition wif yu hao for the lyrics of a piano play...my mind juz pop out a thought...although its juz a movie...jay chou did wad he could to get the lyrics for the 1 he loves...bt wad i did...nt even happiness i deliver i had hurt her...n i was trying to act funny wif my messages...grr wad a idiot...y m i having fear while im typing...perhaps im sumtimes too naive on my thoughts...dear...im realy sorry if i realy hurt u...perhaps sorry is the oni thing i can say nw...

typing pointlessly

2009-07-01T18:54:00.002+08:00

well recently much discussion is being done on the topic "love"...questions like wad is love? hw to handle love? hw to maintain a relationship? y does a relationship ends?...these things been around my head...bt i manage to neglect these questions coz i dowan to think bout them...bt i guess i juz cudnt neglect them forever...i have been creating so called answers for these questions in my head...bt guess there arent juz the perfect answers for them...well nt to boast myself...bt i have gt some theorical knowledge on things...bt i guess sumtimes these things aint juz nt too good...the factor distance n understanding is quite the famous ones to occur wen a relationship gone off...bt i guess understanding aint gona b much of a big obstacle for my relationship...although we doesnt noe both very very well...bt the understanding lvl of our very own aint so bad...distance is wad im gona worry bout...although dat isnt taking part nw...bt i realy cant tell bout the future...though i found out the fact dat my dear isnt gona stay in ipoh after she done her stpm...at 1st i tot i can bear wif this so called "future may happen matter"...bt i realy cant get off the question n over thought of myself...i aint gona finish my studies early...stil gt 2 years to go...although time may pass without u even knowing...of coz i wish the best for her...bt i guess even hw good a person is...he/she stil cant overcome the so called "sins" of themselves...n the same goes for me...i guess i juz cant b selfish asking her to stay...bt i juz wish dat if the future matter realy do occur...i wish dat the worst situation doesnt occur...coz i realy do had pray dat myself n her could b forever...bt there are no guranty to dat...anytg may happen without notice...mayb i c her 2day...the next day i involve in an accident n juz poof...disappear frm dis life...i hope dat meantime...i can bring as much happiness to her...coz the indescrible feelings towards her is juz indescrible...i juz hope i aint gona b a part of her sad memories...and another thing...dear if u c dis...pls don get too much affect frm it...

duno hw to describe my feelings

2009-06-30T17:44:00.002+08:00

well...2day is a tension day for me...im driving to parade~!!its my 1st time hahaha...i tension till i asked my fren to guide me the way there n back home...silly me...well cant help it...im a road blind T_T...perhaps dats my biggest weak point...bt i guess it will b no problem since my dear will b beside me all the time =)...accompany her for lunch at MCD b4 we head out...after a satisfying lunch...we head towards parade...well guess wad...i din go according to the route i planned...infact a more simpler road dat she guide me =)...although in my heart im feeling a little "face lost" bt its ok wif me since i noe my weakness...silly me hahaha...so love face...bt wad to do...boys nature x)...at MCD she sent me a msg...sumtg regarding the calculation of love using the "bi hua" of ur chinese name...well im totaly a nerd in dat...so i din do the calculation...upon reaching parade...i had my 1st experience of driving up the super tornado road upon the roof top xP...nt pretty hard though...then parked my car then we head down straight to sky max(mebe miss spell the shop name ) n search for presents...found ntg...so we head down to the spot where her sis is working...Gift Box...she bought a crystal ball statue thingy n packed it herself...she was complaining dat y she have to packed it herself n nt her sis do it...i said well doing it urself makes the meaning more deep =)...after done packing we left since she had to fetch her sis-in-law for medical check up...felt strange wen i reach home after i send her home...i felt i miss her more 2day...mebe its becoz of a topic we talk on the way home...she speak on her ex bf...well she said her ex bf mum treat her very good...i gt no comment on dat...she was wif the ex bf for like 1 1/2 years bt broke at last...i asked y...perhaps a stupid question...bt infact she answered...many factors...bt her main was understanding problem...well i gota agree dats a very important factor...i felt i miss her more then usualy wen i reached home...even i cant tell why...was sms-ing wif her as i was typing...she asked for my chinese name...i knew she wanted to calculate the "bi hua"...the answer dat came out wasnt so joyful as i was expecting...n she asked me to take the quiz on the wen wil u have ur date...hers came out as expected bt mine wasnt...nt to mention the results for both quizes...sudenly i felt emotional...i realy take dis relationship seriously...well although i understand those quizes aint true...juz felt dat blessings aint wif us...aiiz...y am i so emotional...another weakness of mine...too emotional...hopes dat my dear wun c dis too fast...else dis may hurt her as well =X...sry dear if dis post worries u...i felt better after writing dis...hahaha...guess dis is wad my god sis tells me...happy n sad at the same time...

sometimes i hate myself

2009-06-29T00:49:00.002+08:00

its sunday...so fast =.=...came upon agreement to have steamboat at 2 in 1 infront of tesco extra...at 1st i tot it wil consist of juz me kenny n stanley...bt guess wad...jonathan came along wif us too...of coz i wudnt mind =)...plan to go there at 7pm...bt since kenny is complaining hungry...we set out 30mins earlier to get the participants ready =P...well as usual for steamboat u gota go n grab ur own food n stuff...n guess wad...we grab the beef xD...n we start to devour everything we had on the table...it was quite fun playing wif dat sizzling thingy...except wen the margerine started to attack our hand wen we fried LOL...it hurts T.T...bt we stil manage to get on wif the feast...had around 3 rounds of food...nt very satisfying =(...so we decided to get the ice cream...n guess wad...all of us gt screwed by it...the taste of the ice creams were strange especially the strawberry flavour ( lucky i din eat dat coz i knew it =P )...after settling the bill we head towards infi snooker as always...kenny proposed dat we play on 2 different tables...each 1v1...well dats no problem wif all of us...since kenny wanted to play wif jon...i played wif stan then =)...bt guess wad...i gt pissed off by the so called "table n balls"...oh man wenever i make a shot n watched...the ball was like being push out of the holes n reluctant to enter...nt 1 bt every shot...oh man wad on earth is happening...during half of the 1st game my mood was torn...n i started to act the old way...being emotional n banging the balls...being a totaly unethical player =.=...kinda out of my mind oso...din even noe wad i was texting my dear...kinda made her worried...n i spoiled the mood of every1...dam i hate wen i becomes like dis...so i decided to end the 2nd game n go down n get some fresh air...some personal silence...manage to calm myself in 5 mins...of coz wif the help my dear...she sure noes to cheer me =)...dats y i love her hahaha...she realy do understands me...stil rmb she told me...she may nt b the best gf bt she wana b the most understanding gf for me...bt for me...being understanding is ardy the best for me...boys alwiz said to their loved ones...do u noe u r the best?...n i felt like doing it too...there is something i wish to tell her tru dis post..."dear,there aint so many perfect ppl in dis world...even me u or every1 around us...bt i juz wana say...having u makes my life perfect....i realy dowan to lose u...i wudnt dare to imagine my life without u...i realy don...im sorry if i made u worry or unhappy 2day...im realy sorry...i promise u i wun do it again...i promise to calm myself n nt to make u worry bout me =)...coz im afraid if i cant calm myself...i might do sumtg horible dat hurts u n thus lose u...i realy dowan dat to happen...lastly...i wana tell u...i realy do love u frm my heart...我真的真的真心的爱你...虽然我不能给你最好的生活...但我想我可以给你没有烦恼的日子...我爱你

another wonderful nite

2009-06-29T00:26:00.002+08:00

its saturday...well as usual we have nite gathering among us...bt dis time...i brought her along...well at 1st i din decide to do so till stanley ask me if i mind he brings another fren...i asked who...he reveal the person is tracy...at the moment i was a little shocked...bt wen come bk to my senses...i was thinking its nt a big deal...infact if he brings tracy...i can bring my dear...wao a good plan...so i told my dear bout it n guess wad...she was very happy n said im coming...well of coz im happy too...wad else can make me happier bt to meet her...so as the old procedure i went n fetch my dear n arrive at our appointed yam cha spot...medan ipoh kopitiam...right after i parked my car...i saw kenny wif his family juz a few yards frm me...it was shocking at the beginning...bt i act natural n greeted them...at 1st i was afraid my dear wil b bored...bt guess wad...the 1 bored is kenny hahaha...as i neglected him n accompany my dear...was a bit bad come to think of it...sry lo kenny =)...bt brothers don count too much la haha...my dear was complaining hot n started to wind herself using the menu...n i said wind me as well la...well she did...yet she catch my heart again...well after chit chat...my little bro kenny start to make noise...complaining its boring...of coz i wudnt wana leave so early considering who is beside me at dat time =P...lucky stanley was on my side dat time...hahaha we both told him to b patience...n so he did...well supose another group of our frens are going to meet us there if they didnt mess up the medan ipoh kopitiam wif medan gopeng kopitiam =/...we ended our gathering at around 11pm+...so i fetched my dearie home n guess wad...the sicko thing myself n kenny did to stanley happened to myself...kenny tracked me down =.=...was a bit annoyed by dis bt i guess dis is wad i get for wad i done T.T...after sending her home...the 3 of us wif another fren continue wif our nite activities...ntg special though juz playing pc at infinity LOL...bt recently i confirmed 1 thingy...my dear is my source of motivation on watever im doing XD...dear...i wudnt let u leave my side...i love u forever <3

a song to speak for my heart

2009-06-26T02:02:00.001+08:00

为什么你总是闷闷不乐你知不知道你是最好的这首歌我唱这首歌就是要给你快乐世界上只有你独一无二我为你填上幸福的颜色这首歌我唱这首歌你要专心的听着说你也一样爱着我有一个温暖角落那是我心窝把你的爱收起来放进我的口袋不让你轻易离开我会永远爱着你到老还是同一句因为我珍惜轻轻地摇着懒椅戴着老花眼镜还记得我们这首歌 世界上只有你独一无二 我为你填上幸福的颜色这首歌我唱这首歌你要专心的听着说你也一样爱着我 有一个温暖角落那是我心窝把你的爱收起来放进我的口袋不让你轻易离开我会永远爱着你到老还是同一句因为我珍惜 轻轻地摇着懒椅戴着老花眼镜还记得我们这首歌这首歌说你一样爱着我说你也一样爱着我有一个温暖角落那是我心窝把你的爱收起来放进我的口袋不让你轻易离开我会永远爱着你到老还是同一句因为我珍惜轻轻地摇着懒椅戴着老花眼镜还记得我们这首歌

perhaps the most happy day of my life? hahaha

2009-06-26T01:40:00.002+08:00

juz reach home...duno use wad word to describe my mood nw...went for transformers movie earlier...the movie was awesome...nt to mention the story line bt the 3D grafics were enuf to amazed the fans...alrite skip aside the movies...well as usual i set out to get my dearie for the movie along wif 2 frens in separated cars...amazingly...my frens started off their journey 1st n appears i reached tgv n found myself parking...they were still blindly searching for a spot...me n my dearie have to wait for them as we were holding the tickets...well got in the cinema bit early as usual b4 the movie starts for some trailer...the ice age 3 trailer was nice...mebe will consider watching it =)...well b4 the movie starts...i took her hp n "legally" transfered her pics =P...well i oni transfered 3 pics n guess wad...she transfered more like my whole personal album...gee she is stealing behind me...ok perhaps beside me =P...enjoyed the movie at the begining...then she softly puts her palm on my arm...well of coz i wudnt mind it =D...then later on she puts her softly little head on my shoulder...lying down on me...i was like...awww...i felt it...i felt the 幸福in my grabs...touch her head wif mine =P....well i wanted to put my sweater on her...she is kinda nt cold durable...bt she said she isnt cold...well since then i might juz nt force to put it on her...we enjoyed the movie...there were stunts laughter amazed scenes...bt i felt my dearie is kinda tired during the movie...can c tru her cute face =P...mebe its bcoz of the minor alcohol effect...haha realy duno wad im typing liao...my mind cant tink =/...well her bro is geting married 2mr...gona b a busy day for her perhaps...well dearie...i oni wana say 1 thing...having u is like having happiness...i love u n wudnt wana lose u...although i cant make any promises to u...bt i can say i wud do my best to bring u happiness...I LOVE U DEAR MUACKZ...Chris <3 Joyce

duno wad to say

2009-06-24T20:58:00.002+08:00

last nite my mum's fren came n pay us a visit...the 1st thing she says to me wen she saw me was..."wah ah boy u so fat liao"....=.=" i was stunt...speechless...i was going out my room to find supper =P...wad i get was poridge made by my mum earlier...since i was nt so hungry n mouth itchy so i took the poridge...my mum's fren keep mention..."ah boy u realy fat jor...n handsome liao after u growth some flesh =.="...the oni thing i can say is...my appetite good jor coz im happy =)...infact its true...im very happy lately...n the 2nd thing she asked me was..."ah boy gt gf liao ma?" i denied the fact dat i found my dearest....n replied "no la" with a smile...my mood has been good lately...well mebe its becoz i have found the 1 i have been finding so long...the 1 who realy care for...i was silly till ask her to consume more strawberries coz i heard my senior said "a strawberry a day takes ur sorrow away" silly me =X...2day she asked me on my habits such as wad i like...we exchange "info" on dat a little...im a simple person so there isnt much dat i likes n dislikes...bt i thing noe bout her...she loves cute puppets...a cute childlist gal =P...after my dinner i done some revision...of coz while sms-ing wif her =P...she told me she gota concentrate on her revisions for stpm n telling me dat she can barely go out...well i understand dat n i felt its right...studies r more important as her future depends on it...even so...she told me dat we sud go out once a week to meet out...well my respond was sure good la...hw eager i wana meet her bt considering my conditions...there r times dat these cudnt happen T.T...i told her my condition n she understands my difficultness n say...i oso can drive de ma...my heart melted at dat moment...i noe i found the right person...the 1 dat i will give all my love to in dis life...no doubt...the oni words dat pops out in my mind is the chorus of the lolipop song...好像对你说说爱你好像对你说说想你这些日子你知不知我常想念着你想念着你(change the 年 to 日子 =P)

sudden change of plan bt stil i enjoy it =)

2009-06-23T23:11:00.002+08:00

its tuesday~!!!haha...supose to go pasar malam wif my dear 2nite...bt holy it started raining on 7pm...darn it don ruin my pasar malam date =.="...it rained for 40+ mins n stop...i was like thank god i stil can make it..went out to get my dear on 8.30pm+...was glad to c her...hehe...on the way to reach our destination..it started to rain...i was like wth wad r u trying to play god...stop the earlier rain n wait for me to reach my destination n ruin my date...damn it...so she suggested dat head to jusco for a walk...of coz my dear says yes i wudnt say no haha...we wanted to get tickets for movie on thursday oso...so y nt =)...1 thing i don like about jusco is the parking...its hard to find nice parking =.=lll..manage to get a nt so nice parking bt stil it does it job...parked my car xD...then we head towards tgv to get our transformers ticket haha...while i was queue-ing to get tickets...she met her fren's bf...who i appear to noe him as well bt too bad the guy doesnt recognise me =/...bt who cares...nt like i noe him well though haha...fetch our tickets then we walk around jusco aimlessly...going all stores juz to have a look...had long talk wif her...basically our topics is on her frens bt it doesnt realy matter...coz she is beside me...bt i wanted to noe her more hehehe...felt like i was dreaming...few days ago she told me...we don realy noe each other bt our feelings on each other is so strong...kinda strange hor...i gota agree...bt for me...knowing each other is juz part of the progress...the point is i realy noe i like n love her...dats all important...knowing each other can be done...juz time dat concern...going to watch movie wif her dis thursday hahaha...cant wait til the day comes...although its juz 2days away...reach her house around 10pm...there were no1 at house so we sat in the car n chat...although juz mere topics bt im satisfied...realy duno y...i felt comfortable wif her...well mebe its the bond dat we had =)...her family came bk at around 10.30pm...seems they were noticing me wen i drove away...had a clash of eyes wen i was moving the car...bt i don mind coz they have the right to noe who's dating their gal...silly gal asked me if i mind on the matter...y wud i actualy...although i duno will i have the chance to realy sit down wif her family n mebe have a little conversation...bt it doesnt realy concern me...all i care for is her...her feelings at the top priority x)...realy silly gal hehe...bt dear u noe wad...ur sillyness is a cuteness to me =P...hopes u don c dis so early haha...awaits the next date wif u my dear muackz love u<3

a packed day...still i miss my dear

2009-06-22T23:56:00.003+08:00

its monday...as usualy class in da morning...after class went for lunch...bt dis week is a bit different...my good fren din have to return to kl so early meanwhile can stay til tuesday morning...so after had lunch...invite him for a snoker at the old same spot ( infinity )...myself n another fren reached the spot on 1.30pm+...waited for my fren for 2 hours bt he yet to arrive...mood is totaly ruin...it gets worse wen he called n said im curently at menglembu...juz finished some of his personal matter =.=lll...well at least he stil rmbs dat he has done sumtg which annoys us n thus decide to treat us for a dinner...came upon agreement n we had out towards pizza hut XD...dat meal cost him rm7x bt he was willing to pay with a smile on his face...we oso found out dat another fren of ours planning to treat us for a bday dinner upon his gf bday...we all came to an agreement dat dat bday dinner will a the most expensive bday dinner dat he will be treating XD...after dinner we went to the old same spot infi bt dis time is playing dota...had a few enjoyable games...bt during the last game...the missing-ness came again...started to miss my dear more n more...guess i cant wait till 2mr comes...i wana meet my dear~!!!

sudden tune of mood =S

2009-06-20T18:35:00.002+08:00

its juz another saturday...yet another boring noon...so i went to play snoker with my good fren kenny who juz came bk frm kl yesterday...well nt to boast myself...im kinda good at snoker =x...so call have talent ba...bt its kinda strange...weneven i take up the cue n play...i usualy concentrate...bt for dat short period of time...i lost my mood n skills...even i duno y...i started off playing like i used to play...bt after a few hits...i started commiting silly fouls...its was juz for like 20 mins...wen she din reply my msg coz she was having tuition classes...bt i felt like...i duno hw to describe it...the feeling was horible...it was juz 20 mins...even my fren said wad happen to u...u seem different =/...bt wen i receive the reply of hers...things started to turn 180 degrees =X...been scoring points n doing stunts til my fren said hw can u change so suddenly @@...well i told him the fact dat i was waiting the fact dat i was waiting for my dear to reply despite the fact he tought i was a noob player which i cant tolerate =.=lll...i realy showed him 2day dat i was a player yet a performer...n stated the fact dat motivation frm certain ppl or aspect can realy change the results of the whole thing...bt ended up i was paying the snoker bill coz he treat me yam cha earlier LOL...guess i realy miss my dear dat time =P

nvr been so happy after so long

2009-06-20T01:45:00.000+08:00

its juz an ordinary friday start...woke up in da morning...get breakfast then hang out wif frens...juz 2nite im going out wif other frens...of coz 2gt wif my beloved dear...did wad a bf sud did...went over to hse to take her n head towards the destination wif some frens waiting...on the way send msg to the fren telling them we already reach bt instead we juz start the journey meanwhile our frens had reached =/...got condemn for being late...bt it seems i din hear anytg coz im wif her...were trying to hide the fact we r 2gt by nt officialy announcing to them =P bt it seems they ardy knew =.=...sat down n ordered drink then cont on wif our "chui sui"...sat there for like 4 hours n talk about many things...although the topics were nt mainly consist of us both bt im satisfied...i realy felt it nw...there's no doubt...i realy love her...although our relationship doesnt come as easy as it seems to b...sent her home after we dismiss our "reunion"...had a little chit chat in the car on the way sending her home...forget ask for goodbye kiss wen reached her house LOL =P( mention for fun )...on the way bk to my hse kept thinking of her =/ even i cant tell myself y...its juz been awhile...guess no theory can explain dat...well for nw i noe 1 thing...although i cant b sure dat i can keep her forever bt i do wish dat things don change in my life...i had ntg else to wish for nw...except my own transport vehicle =.="...i realy hope dat nobody leaves my life nw...if can till the day i officialy leaves dis world...i promise...even im nt the best u can have...i will make myself the best i can give...i love u my dear joyce lye pui sian <3

up n down then up again down

2009-06-14T17:52:00.000+08:00

heart been beating fast as im typing...as i type mind keep thinking about it...thinking whether sud i make my step...for awile i have been helping out others on opinion n consults bt it seems i cant even convince myself on my own things...wad a failure im >.<...i tried to seek opinion frm fren...bt it seems the fren dat i seek help frm is the 1 i mite going to take the actions to...omg wad m i doing...the opinion was go for it...u nvr try u nvr noe...wad if i make my step n things doesnt went as smooth as i was expecting? taking a step to forward a good fren relation towards a couple relation is yet a much courageous step to take...i duno have i the courage...im crumbling

even i duno

2009-06-11T17:28:00.000+08:00

life been quite comfortable for the past few months...started my college life n yt stil sticking wif good buddies hang out plans...although hang outs amount has drop down due to work n studies...bt yet life is more less remaining the same...bt recently...some unexpected things came up...things i din realy expect to happen...frens has been telling things dat i duno hw to reply them...more like a scandal of mine wif a fren...=.="...frens told me dat a particular fren had a crush on me -.-lll...though i am nt sure hw true is dat...even im nt sure my feelings or view on dat...been puting myself on a hard situation lately...i have alwiz been a big talker on these situations wif frens...bt wen it realy comes to it...i kinda like went blank...realy duno if i gt the courage to find out the truth or sud the matter juz remain anonymous...realy cant make up my mind...felt my toughness is decreasing...